It has been so wonderful having Edward home from Iraq and yet I can't seem to get used to the fact that he is in fact home for good. For now. I say for now simply because knowing that the US Army is
SEVERELY understaffed for two occupations as well as all the other things going on in the world, odds are that before he retires in 4 years he will in fact deploy once again.
I wake up each morning reaching for him and breathe a sigh of relief when my hand touches his leg, hand or arm and yet I wonder "how long will this respite last?"
Sometimes it sucks being a military wife and dealing with such uncertainties as will my husband be with me or be deployed or worse in two years from now.
Still not all of us can do it. Only the strong will survive. Ha! If that is the case I must be one tough lady! Sometimes I believe it, that I'm tough, strong, etc. Other times I feel as strong as a mouse.
So moving on. Friday was my official last day. Those who know me well and have been able to talk to me quietly at work know that Friday was NOT my last day. Just my last day as a full time Lead. Instead I'm working part time as a temporary agent, temporary lead, temporary supervisor.
I should have actually written this on Friday when it affected me most however caught up in celebrations with Edward as well as playing with Nick, helping with dinner, etc. Well I just never got around to it.
I could not believe the outpouring of well wishes, good lucks, and most of all, all the thank
you's! From the Commander of the Post (aka Commander of Ft Wainwright) to USA
MEDDAC-AK (aka hospital staff at Ft Wainwright) and then the tearful message on my voicemail at the end of the day from Range Control, I could simply not believe it! That I impacted so many lives on Fort Wainwright.
I always feel much like my husband when people approach him in uniform and express their thanks to him for his service. It's just my job. Well that is how I feel. It's my job and I take pride in doing my job well. That's all. And in that if I can bring a smile to a customers face, relief that they will not have to pay for their travel during an emergency or some other inconsequential thing, well then all the better. That's just me.
So next week I come in for a few days. For the next few weeks I'll come in for a few days here and there to hopefully help out and hopefully I won't have the stress like I do normally!
No stress zone here.
Oh, and quick before I call this quits. Experienced one of those moments that only Mom's know about.
Saturday Edward and I were shopping together...........alone............without Nick. Nick was at super saturday daycare on post. We were supposed to go to the gym together but found we couldn't so instead we went shopping.
As we approached the veggie aisle, Edward went off in the direction of the apples while I turned to the artichokes, cabbage, green onions and eggplants. I almost turned around to mention to Nick about how beautiful the eggplants looked today and to also ask him "what color they were?" and what were these green veggies, and look at how bumpy the avocados are!" but then with a sense of loss I realized he wasn't there to share in the delight of looking at all the colors and shapes and sizes of all the veggies. Too funny. I remarked on that to employee there at the store as well as to Edward and a few others.
Ever since Nick was born I have loved taking him grocery shopping with me so we can talk about everything that we are seeing so suddenly when he's gone I feel bereft and somewhat lost.
Does that make me a Mama now? Have no clue but it was most definitely unsettling.