About time

To bring this chapter of my blogs to a close. Of course we're all still adjusting once again to our new lives. This chapter has been a tough one but thankfully it's over now. It's time to move on and continue to the next page in the book.
What will the future hold for me? Of course I'm not certain. What military family is? All we know is that our soldier may or may not deploy again. That we'll more than likely be moving sometime in the near future. That large changes may be coming up.
Who knows. I sure don't. The most I know is that A) Edward is home at least for another 6 months. (most likely that is). B)We are definitely moving within the next 2 months from Alaska to Maryland. C) I will more than likely have a job waiting for me.
The rest is up in the air.
I have yet to fully adjust to Edward being home. He has to remind me every so often that he's around to help. Sometimes I start rushing like mad to get things done. Laundry, vacuuming, yard work, cleaning up, etc. Just weird.
It's gotten a tad bit easier now that I'm on a part time status. Even though I'm constantly wanting to check on the travel counselor who is still in the office. I have to fight non stop not to call her to see how she's doing.
Still though, I keep moving along all the while I expect the floor to drop from under me. Expect the worst so you'll never be disappointed. For some reason I say that to myself now a days.
Expect the worst. When did I turn so pessimistic? Such a cynic?
Oh well, time to just end this chapter and move on.

Difficult to get used to

It has been so wonderful having Edward home from Iraq and yet I can't seem to get used to the fact that he is in fact home for good. For now. I say for now simply because knowing that the US Army is SEVERELY understaffed for two occupations as well as all the other things going on in the world, odds are that before he retires in 4 years he will in fact deploy once again.
I wake up each morning reaching for him and breathe a sigh of relief when my hand touches his leg, hand or arm and yet I wonder "how long will this respite last?"
Sometimes it sucks being a military wife and dealing with such uncertainties as will my husband be with me or be deployed or worse in two years from now.
Still not all of us can do it. Only the strong will survive. Ha! If that is the case I must be one tough lady! Sometimes I believe it, that I'm tough, strong, etc. Other times I feel as strong as a mouse.

So moving on. Friday was my official last day. Those who know me well and have been able to talk to me quietly at work know that Friday was NOT my last day. Just my last day as a full time Lead. Instead I'm working part time as a temporary agent, temporary lead, temporary supervisor.
I should have actually written this on Friday when it affected me most however caught up in celebrations with Edward as well as playing with Nick, helping with dinner, etc. Well I just never got around to it.
I could not believe the outpouring of well wishes, good lucks, and most of all, all the thank you's! From the Commander of the Post (aka Commander of Ft Wainwright) to USA MEDDAC-AK (aka hospital staff at Ft Wainwright) and then the tearful message on my voicemail at the end of the day from Range Control, I could simply not believe it! That I impacted so many lives on Fort Wainwright.
I always feel much like my husband when people approach him in uniform and express their thanks to him for his service. It's just my job. Well that is how I feel. It's my job and I take pride in doing my job well. That's all. And in that if I can bring a smile to a customers face, relief that they will not have to pay for their travel during an emergency or some other inconsequential thing, well then all the better. That's just me.
So next week I come in for a few days. For the next few weeks I'll come in for a few days here and there to hopefully help out and hopefully I won't have the stress like I do normally!
No stress zone here.
Oh, and quick before I call this quits. Experienced one of those moments that only Mom's know about.
Saturday Edward and I were shopping together...........alone............without Nick. Nick was at super saturday daycare on post. We were supposed to go to the gym together but found we couldn't so instead we went shopping.
As we approached the veggie aisle, Edward went off in the direction of the apples while I turned to the artichokes, cabbage, green onions and eggplants. I almost turned around to mention to Nick about how beautiful the eggplants looked today and to also ask him "what color they were?" and what were these green veggies, and look at how bumpy the avocados are!" but then with a sense of loss I realized he wasn't there to share in the delight of looking at all the colors and shapes and sizes of all the veggies. Too funny. I remarked on that to employee there at the store as well as to Edward and a few others.
Ever since Nick was born I have loved taking him grocery shopping with me so we can talk about everything that we are seeing so suddenly when he's gone I feel bereft and somewhat lost.
Does that make me a Mama now? Have no clue but it was most definitely unsettling.

At the end, nearly.

I don't know how to start this one, or how to end it for that matter.
This has been the weirdest deployment, filled with non stop stressful moments interspersed with everyday mundane moments.
I feel like a soldier who has been in a high stress environment for the past year. I don't know how, it seems, to come down from it all this time. It's tough. It's tough to wrap my mind around the fact that Edward is IN FACT home and he will be home for at least 6 months or longer. I keep waiting for the floor to drop. I know Nick does too. How do I decompress? How do I recover?

Every morning it is a suprise to find Edward laying in bed beside me. I keep expecting that he will be gone, yet again.
Is it because of the repeated deployments? I don't know. I just know it's a totally unnerving, scary feeling because at every moment I feel as if within the next 24 hours he will be gone.
I watch Nick and Edward play outside, playing football or tag and I can't help but think this peace will be short lived.
That once again he will be gone and Nick and I will be on our own again. Not that I'm afraid, hell I could at once go back to that in a heartbeat but I know in 6 months from now that will be so painful. I know it will tear Nick and I up like crazy.
So every day I live for each day without thinking of the next day. Kind of like when Edward is home on R&R. I don't think about in the future. It's not worth it.

I NEED SLEEP!

And unfortunately I probably won't get it until Wednesday. Last night/this morning I woke up at 2am and just couldn't fall back asleep.
Right now I'm running on fumes. Oh well. It's almost over as is this blog.
The chapter is almost complete.
I've been racing like mad today to try to get as much done as possible so that way Liz is not too overwhelmed. Still though, it's easy for a new agent to get overwhelmed in THIS office. I wish I could get my supervisor to see that but I think it boils down to out of sight out of mind with him. He doesn't work in this office and rarely comes here so he just doesn't see it.
I've got 3 more weeks of work left, YIPEE! Then I'll be taking some time for myself to get doctor appointments done, dentist appointments, getting car repairs done and most of all to get me to the gym some for some much needed ME time.
The past few months anything that has to do with me, my health or my sons health has been put on the back burner. The only time I do tend to get is during lunch.
So I am really looking forward to this down time. Yes, I'm worried about the office and how it's going to run after I'm gone but of course, this won't be my concern anymore. Other than the fact that we'll need someone here to run my ferry reservation!!!
I just can't believe it's almost over. It's almost done. I'm almost afraid of what the future brings? The past few years have been tough. Really tough. I've always believed that we are put in situations to test us, to make us stronger for future situations. In my life they've gotten tougher and tougher and tougher. It makes me wonder what next? I'd love to think that I'm going to have an easy time, free of troubles and worries, free of challenging people (who try to get me fired) to work with, and most of all NO deployments!!!
I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY TIRED OF DEPLOYMENTS! I'm tired of the stress, I'm tired of worrying for 365 days if my husband is going to come home alive or in a box. I'm tired of having it all on my shoulders. I'd love to be like a civilian wife for a while. Seriously. You know the type of one whose biggest worries are what to fix for dinner, how to time the car pools just right to bring the kids to softball or soccer, which fund raiser should I serve, etc.
Oh well, soon enough I can be like a RETIRED ARMY WIFE!

The final countdown

Okay let me just say first that I cannot conceal from almost anyone who deals with me around work, home, my sons preschool, etc that little hop in my step.
Even more difficult is keeping this precious little secret between my husband, my son and myself.
Edward and I keep waiting for the floor to drop from under us. You know the one to the tune of "Oops, no wait, your job's not done yet".
After all if it happened once...... Still though we are both agreeing that we don't think it would happen under the current administration. You never know though. After all we are an "ALL VOLUNTEER ARMY HOOAHH!!" We volunteer for just about everything, don't you know. Including voluntary extensions because we are all just so HOOAAAHH!
Okay so off the sarcastic note.
Tonight the big secret goes up. Don't worry. Pictures soon to follow. Like tomorrow or Sunday.
This weekend is going to be a busy one. Laundry (LOADS AND LOADS OF IT!). My fault there. I was lazy last night after that horrible emergency leave came in at work.
Oil change in the truck is due. Minor grocery shopping is due.
Filing, shredding, mowing the lawn. Quick, quick, like a rabbit. Gotta get it done!
I'm in the FINAL COUNTDOWN BABY, YEAHH!!!!
I can actually see that f'ing finish line and boy does it sure look sweet! I'm just looking for those nasty buggers who could take my finish line away! If I seem em I'll shoot em!
So lotsa lotsa work to do.
On a more sobering note. I found out that my boss who promised to fill in for me when I take off for 2 days of vacation has now reneged and has told me he's sure Liz, my new agent, will do fine by herself. I made a hasty call to the ONLY other Lead left down in Anchorage and got her to be my persons POC if anything arises.
OH JOY! NEW DEVELOPMENT.
Nick is sick at school. 103.5 fever. Just like his Mama. He gets high fevers too. Gotta run. Have some hasty ticketing to be done.

Training, training, training.

I have to just say, it takes a supreme force of will not to jump and do everything in the office. I've been throwing as much as I possibly can at Liz in the hopes that it will prepare her not only for being on her own for two days but also for good in late September.
I keep wanting to get up and do this or that but then sit down and instead go "hhmmm, what else needs to be done?"
Whether it's a customer issue, a simple reservation or whatever I have been wanting to jump in like I normally do but instead just end up sitting around figuring out what else I can do that will make me look busy. That's something weird to get the hang of.
I've tried leaving Liz on her own every so often with pretty good results, thank heavens!
Still though, it's going to be tough on her after I leave for good. What with the Stryker Brigade coming home as well as her being a new agent.
On top of all of this is the whole issue of a problem reemerging from the mist. Fun, fun.
Thank goodness my last day is in September!

Oops I did it again

Okay, let me start with a little background on this one. My Mom is one of those older generation Americans who believe that the Western doctors know best and that any other way of treating any ailment is just snake oil; quack medicine, etc.
Massage is just a fancy way of relaxing. Acupuncture is all in your head. Chiropractors are full of hogwash. Healthy eating is much too expensive.
Okay, so now you get the idea?
So today I came back from (in my Mom's mind a true extravagance) getting my hair done as well as my second foot detox.
Now I have to say first, I am not a full believer in detox foot baths. I am simply trying it to see if I have ANY results at all. More energy? Better skin? Better digestion? Stronger Immune system?
Whatever.
I have to admit, I'm curious since I actually have experienced some oddities. A few of the things I have noticed have actually been better skin and then something somewhat odd. It's a little TMI but each time I have gone I have to go use the restroom. A LOT. There's a bit more but I feel really uncomfortable saying it to the masses.
So anyways, after my appointment I called my parents because they had heard that Alaska had had an earthquake (Anc 5.0). When I started describing the whole foot detox to my Dad he told me he's still having problems with his back but he's tired of just taking Vicodin, Motrin, Tylenol, Percocet, etc. In otherwords (his words here now too) he's tired of putting bandaid solutions on it.
Of course my Mom is in the back ground pooh poohing the whole thing.
Dad, amusingly enough responded that he doesn't want to keep putting such junk in his body because it's not doing anything other than poisoning him and not solving the problem. He pointed out to me that Tylenol, Vicodin, Percocet and of course Alcohol is not doing anything for him other than putting a band aid on it.
I so agreed with him so I advised him to go see a natural medicine physician. My Dad is extremely afraid of needles so I know he'll cringe from Acupuncture but I assured him I'm sure there are many other ways that they can fix the problem. Just have to look outside the box.
I could tell my Mom was none too happy.
Mom is always happy with the easy way out. (nothing against Mom. I love her but at times she is rather annoying)
Mom wants a way to fix everything with usually not so healthy outcomes.
So oops. Yes I pushed my Dad to go see a naturopathic physcian. Heck if it works. Do it! And don't go for the unhealthy, easy way out. You'll find yourself in a grave and pretty darn quick.