So What Chapter am I on now?

About time

2009-09-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

To bring this chapter of my blogs to a close. Of course we're all still adjusting once again to our new lives. This chapter has been a tough one but thankfully it's over now. It's time to move on and continue to the next page in the book.
What will the future hold for me? Of course I'm not certain. What military family is? All we know is that our soldier may or may not deploy again. That we'll more than likely be moving sometime in the near future. That large changes may be coming up.
Who knows. I sure don't. The most I know is that A) Edward is home at least for another 6 months. (most likely that is). B)We are definitely moving within the next 2 months from Alaska to Maryland. C) I will more than likely have a job waiting for me.
The rest is up in the air.
I have yet to fully adjust to Edward being home. He has to remind me every so often that he's around to help. Sometimes I start rushing like mad to get things done. Laundry, vacuuming, yard work, cleaning up, etc. Just weird.
It's gotten a tad bit easier now that I'm on a part time status. Even though I'm constantly wanting to check on the travel counselor who is still in the office. I have to fight non stop not to call her to see how she's doing.
Still though, I keep moving along all the while I expect the floor to drop from under me. Expect the worst so you'll never be disappointed. For some reason I say that to myself now a days.
Expect the worst. When did I turn so pessimistic? Such a cynic?
Oh well, time to just end this chapter and move on.

Difficult to get used to

2009-09-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

It has been so wonderful having Edward home from Iraq and yet I can't seem to get used to the fact that he is in fact home for good. For now. I say for now simply because knowing that the US Army is SEVERELY understaffed for two occupations as well as all the other things going on in the world, odds are that before he retires in 4 years he will in fact deploy once again.
I wake up each morning reaching for him and breathe a sigh of relief when my hand touches his leg, hand or arm and yet I wonder "how long will this respite last?"
Sometimes it sucks being a military wife and dealing with such uncertainties as will my husband be with me or be deployed or worse in two years from now.
Still not all of us can do it. Only the strong will survive. Ha! If that is the case I must be one tough lady! Sometimes I believe it, that I'm tough, strong, etc. Other times I feel as strong as a mouse.

So moving on. Friday was my official last day. Those who know me well and have been able to talk to me quietly at work know that Friday was NOT my last day. Just my last day as a full time Lead. Instead I'm working part time as a temporary agent, temporary lead, temporary supervisor.
I should have actually written this on Friday when it affected me most however caught up in celebrations with Edward as well as playing with Nick, helping with dinner, etc. Well I just never got around to it.
I could not believe the outpouring of well wishes, good lucks, and most of all, all the thank you's! From the Commander of the Post (aka Commander of Ft Wainwright) to USA MEDDAC-AK (aka hospital staff at Ft Wainwright) and then the tearful message on my voicemail at the end of the day from Range Control, I could simply not believe it! That I impacted so many lives on Fort Wainwright.
I always feel much like my husband when people approach him in uniform and express their thanks to him for his service. It's just my job. Well that is how I feel. It's my job and I take pride in doing my job well. That's all. And in that if I can bring a smile to a customers face, relief that they will not have to pay for their travel during an emergency or some other inconsequential thing, well then all the better. That's just me.
So next week I come in for a few days. For the next few weeks I'll come in for a few days here and there to hopefully help out and hopefully I won't have the stress like I do normally!
No stress zone here.
Oh, and quick before I call this quits. Experienced one of those moments that only Mom's know about.
Saturday Edward and I were shopping together...........alone............without Nick. Nick was at super saturday daycare on post. We were supposed to go to the gym together but found we couldn't so instead we went shopping.
As we approached the veggie aisle, Edward went off in the direction of the apples while I turned to the artichokes, cabbage, green onions and eggplants. I almost turned around to mention to Nick about how beautiful the eggplants looked today and to also ask him "what color they were?" and what were these green veggies, and look at how bumpy the avocados are!" but then with a sense of loss I realized he wasn't there to share in the delight of looking at all the colors and shapes and sizes of all the veggies. Too funny. I remarked on that to employee there at the store as well as to Edward and a few others.
Ever since Nick was born I have loved taking him grocery shopping with me so we can talk about everything that we are seeing so suddenly when he's gone I feel bereft and somewhat lost.
Does that make me a Mama now? Have no clue but it was most definitely unsettling.

At the end, nearly.

2009-09-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to start this one, or how to end it for that matter.
This has been the weirdest deployment, filled with non stop stressful moments interspersed with everyday mundane moments.
I feel like a soldier who has been in a high stress environment for the past year. I don't know how, it seems, to come down from it all this time. It's tough. It's tough to wrap my mind around the fact that Edward is IN FACT home and he will be home for at least 6 months or longer. I keep waiting for the floor to drop. I know Nick does too. How do I decompress? How do I recover?

Every morning it is a suprise to find Edward laying in bed beside me. I keep expecting that he will be gone, yet again.
Is it because of the repeated deployments? I don't know. I just know it's a totally unnerving, scary feeling because at every moment I feel as if within the next 24 hours he will be gone.
I watch Nick and Edward play outside, playing football or tag and I can't help but think this peace will be short lived.
That once again he will be gone and Nick and I will be on our own again. Not that I'm afraid, hell I could at once go back to that in a heartbeat but I know in 6 months from now that will be so painful. I know it will tear Nick and I up like crazy.
So every day I live for each day without thinking of the next day. Kind of like when Edward is home on R&R. I don't think about in the future. It's not worth it.

I NEED SLEEP!

2009-08-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

And unfortunately I probably won't get it until Wednesday. Last night/this morning I woke up at 2am and just couldn't fall back asleep.
Right now I'm running on fumes. Oh well. It's almost over as is this blog.
The chapter is almost complete.
I've been racing like mad today to try to get as much done as possible so that way Liz is not too overwhelmed. Still though, it's easy for a new agent to get overwhelmed in THIS office. I wish I could get my supervisor to see that but I think it boils down to out of sight out of mind with him. He doesn't work in this office and rarely comes here so he just doesn't see it.
I've got 3 more weeks of work left, YIPEE! Then I'll be taking some time for myself to get doctor appointments done, dentist appointments, getting car repairs done and most of all to get me to the gym some for some much needed ME time.
The past few months anything that has to do with me, my health or my sons health has been put on the back burner. The only time I do tend to get is during lunch.
So I am really looking forward to this down time. Yes, I'm worried about the office and how it's going to run after I'm gone but of course, this won't be my concern anymore. Other than the fact that we'll need someone here to run my ferry reservation!!!
I just can't believe it's almost over. It's almost done. I'm almost afraid of what the future brings? The past few years have been tough. Really tough. I've always believed that we are put in situations to test us, to make us stronger for future situations. In my life they've gotten tougher and tougher and tougher. It makes me wonder what next? I'd love to think that I'm going to have an easy time, free of troubles and worries, free of challenging people (who try to get me fired) to work with, and most of all NO deployments!!!
I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY TIRED OF DEPLOYMENTS! I'm tired of the stress, I'm tired of worrying for 365 days if my husband is going to come home alive or in a box. I'm tired of having it all on my shoulders. I'd love to be like a civilian wife for a while. Seriously. You know the type of one whose biggest worries are what to fix for dinner, how to time the car pools just right to bring the kids to softball or soccer, which fund raiser should I serve, etc.
Oh well, soon enough I can be like a RETIRED ARMY WIFE!

The final countdown

2009-08-21T13:04:00.001-07:00

Okay let me just say first that I cannot conceal from almost anyone who deals with me around work, home, my sons preschool, etc that little hop in my step.
Even more difficult is keeping this precious little secret between my husband, my son and myself.
Edward and I keep waiting for the floor to drop from under us. You know the one to the tune of "Oops, no wait, your job's not done yet".
After all if it happened once...... Still though we are both agreeing that we don't think it would happen under the current administration. You never know though. After all we are an "ALL VOLUNTEER ARMY HOOAHH!!" We volunteer for just about everything, don't you know. Including voluntary extensions because we are all just so HOOAAAHH!
Okay so off the sarcastic note.
Tonight the big secret goes up. Don't worry. Pictures soon to follow. Like tomorrow or Sunday.
This weekend is going to be a busy one. Laundry (LOADS AND LOADS OF IT!). My fault there. I was lazy last night after that horrible emergency leave came in at work.
Oil change in the truck is due. Minor grocery shopping is due.
Filing, shredding, mowing the lawn. Quick, quick, like a rabbit. Gotta get it done!
I'm in the FINAL COUNTDOWN BABY, YEAHH!!!!
I can actually see that f'ing finish line and boy does it sure look sweet! I'm just looking for those nasty buggers who could take my finish line away! If I seem em I'll shoot em!
So lotsa lotsa work to do.
On a more sobering note. I found out that my boss who promised to fill in for me when I take off for 2 days of vacation has now reneged and has told me he's sure Liz, my new agent, will do fine by herself. I made a hasty call to the ONLY other Lead left down in Anchorage and got her to be my persons POC if anything arises.
OH JOY! NEW DEVELOPMENT.
Nick is sick at school. 103.5 fever. Just like his Mama. He gets high fevers too. Gotta run. Have some hasty ticketing to be done.

Training, training, training.

2009-08-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

I have to just say, it takes a supreme force of will not to jump and do everything in the office. I've been throwing as much as I possibly can at Liz in the hopes that it will prepare her not only for being on her own for two days but also for good in late September.
I keep wanting to get up and do this or that but then sit down and instead go "hhmmm, what else needs to be done?"
Whether it's a customer issue, a simple reservation or whatever I have been wanting to jump in like I normally do but instead just end up sitting around figuring out what else I can do that will make me look busy. That's something weird to get the hang of.
I've tried leaving Liz on her own every so often with pretty good results, thank heavens!
Still though, it's going to be tough on her after I leave for good. What with the Stryker Brigade coming home as well as her being a new agent.
On top of all of this is the whole issue of a problem reemerging from the mist. Fun, fun.
Thank goodness my last day is in September!

Oops I did it again

2009-08-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me start with a little background on this one. My Mom is one of those older generation Americans who believe that the Western doctors know best and that any other way of treating any ailment is just snake oil; quack medicine, etc.
Massage is just a fancy way of relaxing. Acupuncture is all in your head. Chiropractors are full of hogwash. Healthy eating is much too expensive.
Okay, so now you get the idea?
So today I came back from (in my Mom's mind a true extravagance) getting my hair done as well as my second foot detox.
Now I have to say first, I am not a full believer in detox foot baths. I am simply trying it to see if I have ANY results at all. More energy? Better skin? Better digestion? Stronger Immune system?
Whatever.
I have to admit, I'm curious since I actually have experienced some oddities. A few of the things I have noticed have actually been better skin and then something somewhat odd. It's a little TMI but each time I have gone I have to go use the restroom. A LOT. There's a bit more but I feel really uncomfortable saying it to the masses.
So anyways, after my appointment I called my parents because they had heard that Alaska had had an earthquake (Anc 5.0). When I started describing the whole foot detox to my Dad he told me he's still having problems with his back but he's tired of just taking Vicodin, Motrin, Tylenol, Percocet, etc. In otherwords (his words here now too) he's tired of putting bandaid solutions on it.
Of course my Mom is in the back ground pooh poohing the whole thing.
Dad, amusingly enough responded that he doesn't want to keep putting such junk in his body because it's not doing anything other than poisoning him and not solving the problem. He pointed out to me that Tylenol, Vicodin, Percocet and of course Alcohol is not doing anything for him other than putting a band aid on it.
I so agreed with him so I advised him to go see a natural medicine physician. My Dad is extremely afraid of needles so I know he'll cringe from Acupuncture but I assured him I'm sure there are many other ways that they can fix the problem. Just have to look outside the box.
I could tell my Mom was none too happy.
Mom is always happy with the easy way out. (nothing against Mom. I love her but at times she is rather annoying)
Mom wants a way to fix everything with usually not so healthy outcomes.
So oops. Yes I pushed my Dad to go see a naturopathic physcian. Heck if it works. Do it! And don't go for the unhealthy, easy way out. You'll find yourself in a grave and pretty darn quick.

True Stories from Travel Agencies

2009-08-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.
"A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
Another woman who wanted to book two flights to New York with a London travel consultant was asked if she had any preference of who she flies with – meaning which airline – and she replied “Yes, my husband”.
Destinations and dates also seem to cause some confusion. A man from Manchester came into a store and asked if he could fly to the Bermuda Triangle because he heard that it’s good and no one ever comes back! Another said he wanted to go on a safari to Jurassic Park.
I (me personally) once had a reservation agent call and ask me when I worked as a lead for CheapTickets, Inc if their passenger needed a passport for travel to New Mexico.

Amusing customers

2009-08-14T12:53:00.001-07:00

Recently I called up a customer because I noticed that we had not yet gotten his orders for his travel back to the lower 48.
I was quite amused when I told him that we needed his orders and he responded "Well the transportation office never has his door open when I stop by so it's not my fault." Then he followed up with "I still get my tickets paid for though, right?"
DUH
Or even better, a customer who came in recently and was also traveling down to the lower 48. I patiently explained how the Alaska Marine Highway works, the process of booking reservations on the ferry, etc. After all that was said and done she just responds "well that just sounds too difficult. I think we'll just drive since then we don't have to do any of that paperwork and such. When I informed her she'd still need to apply for her passport and soon because she wouldn't be able to go through Canada without it, she got impatient and huffily asked "Well isn't there any way I can do all this without doing all the paperwork?"
I really wanted to tell her to buy herself a jet and fly herself down there. Oh but wait that would be too much paperwork too because then she'd have to fill out all that horrible paperwork to purchase the darn jet and wait, then she'd also have to get her pilots license. Lots of stuff to do there.
I guess she could just stay put and hunker down. Or would dealing with an Alaskan winter be too tough for her? My guess is yes.

I'm seeing them more and more now a days. Those people who take the easy way out because....well, because it's easier.
It just amuses me non stop. (and sometimes irritates me)

What ever happened to rolling up your shirt sleeves, getting dirty, working overtime, etc. I know that some people do actually know the full concept of work. But they seem to be getting overrun by those who want it easy. By those who expect a lot for almost no work at all on their part.
I had a young lady in my office today almost weeping as she angrily told me nobody will help her and she had to do the entire move ALL BY HERSELF and her husband is in Iraq and she's so angry because someone else should've done everything for her.
As usual, I talked her down from her hysterics, told her everything was going to be okay, pointed her in the right direction, explained how to get things done, etc. all the while I was thinking "Oh boohoo sweetie. What in the world were you thinking was GOING to happen if got married to a soldier in the military? Being a military wife MEANS you have to move yourself and your family BY YOURSELF and OFTEN. Being a military wife means you take all the jobs that normally a man does in the house. Being a military wife means you have to put your big girl boots on and do it and do it now."
Of course I didn't do that. Wouldn't have been very professional but I was tempted.

It makes me wonder, did our generations parents raise us to be wimps? To back down from challenges and struggles? Am I raising MY son to be a wimp? To always give him the easy way out? I hope not.

A few things.

2009-08-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

I really have to keep this short as it's late and tonight is a weekday night AND on top of that I'm fighting a cold.
Just have to say. A few things I'm sooooo looking forward to.
This weekend is super saturday! YAHOO! Getting my nails done a pedicure done, a facial done and even a weirdo Foot spa detox thingy done. EWWW!
I will be so happy to finally not have 3 broken nails that catch onto just about everything.
Next, tomorrow is when the maids come by. Another big Yahoo there. I love those ladies!
Next, getting rid of this cold. I really want to go back to when I don't run into filing cabinets or plants, or I don't make any sense what so ever, or well whatever. I just want to finally have a clear mind.
Sell this house! Please I sure hope we have someone soon to come on over and take a look at the house. Please don't let all the hard work, the bumps, the bruises, the paint in my hair when I'm at work, the caulking under my nails, the dirt in my fingers from landscaping be for nothing.
I need to load up the Jeep again. I found, yet again, the storage room key in my purse. Time to bring yet another load over to make our closets seem more "roomy and spacious".

I swear that the last few weeks before your soldier comes home is the worst. It goes so friggin SLOOOOOWWWWWW!! Still though, like I keep telling my hero over in the sands of Iraq, we've spent 300 some days apart so what is 10-30 some more days?
Also next, finding someone to replace me for my job. I have a good, well no that is an understatement, pretty great reputation in the CWT world and I'd really like to leave this position and not find out suddenly that they still have no one to fill my position and that now Liz is leaving. I can point the blame but that will do no good. So I have, instead to pick up the reins and take control myself. Not fun when you have someone above you who throws landmines in front of you non stop.
Last thing. I soooooooooooooooo cannot wait till September! GYM time, here I come!!!! I absolutely love the gym! That's my super duper stress release (other than other nameless things and roller coasters). Edward and I are planning to work out non stop with each other at the gym in September. I've got to get my knees running smoothly and quick! NO WAY am I going through a reconstructive or replacement surgery so soon!!! They ain't gettin me yet under the knife again! I've already been under the knife too many times!

The unseen price of military life....

2009-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

The civilian world rarely sees this. They just see the military on the news, the soldiers deploying, the pulling out of Iraq, the pushing forward into Afghanistan, etc. They see the outside, the stuff that the military wants them to see or what the media wants them to see.
They don't see the true price that the military members and their family members pay to protect their freedoms that most take for granted. Rarely do civilians hear about the marriages that have fallen apart; the children who cry out in the middle of the night that they want their Daddy; the spouses who take care of everything from the broken down car to the running of the household while managing to make it look effortless. Rarely do they hear about any of it. I have some friends who know me well, and they do hear the stories but how many other civilians choose to listen when they hear some of the battle stories from a Military spouse, military children or the Military service member? I'm betting a large amount just turn and walk away. After all why would they want to know about the military family down the road who just lost their soldier because he was killed by a sniper attack in Iraq? Or why would they want to know about their childs classmate who has a Mom serving in Iraq? They surely wouldn't want to know about the military spouses who planned and executed an entire PCS move by themselves.

Those higher up in the military and also those who have done our time with repeated deployments know this price. We know the pain of saying goodbye to our soldier; we know the fear of opening your door and finding 2 soldiers dressed in class A's with really bad news; the military Mom's know the pain of having to comfort your child because he's having a hard time dealing with his Dad being gone. We know all of it and more. Military life is tough. Real tough. Those who aren't strong enough are usually the first casualties as their marriage crumbles under the strain of keeping a relationship going during the long year of separation. I'm sometimes so grateful that I had a few easy deployments before this one. They prepared me for one of the toughest ones I've been through yet.
Between work (that I can never seem to take off from) to problems with the house, problems with the truck, and all the other boring crap and then add on top of all of it, getting the house ready for sale, putting the house on the market, getting prepared for the move, cleaning out the closets, planning our itinerary, securing a job for myself on the east coast, etc (you get the drift) and most of all, now dealing with a son who is visibly shaken by everything. I look into his eyes and almost break into tears because he looks so fragile and I so want to protect him from all of this upheaval to our life and yet I barely have anything left to give. Unlike some of the past deployments, this deployment, I fear, I'll be crawling to the finish line. All the while I hope that my son can hang in there just a bit longer. Never before has my son been a ill mannered child. All the teachers have described him just like at one time I was described in school. Good, well mannered, loves to help, takes care of the smaller kids, the best one in class, etc. Yet lately my son has been biting other classmates, he's taken to hitting, in fact we had a argument Saturday night that ended with me being gouged by him as he hit at my face. I look like I've been attacked by a cougar!
This morning shocked me more. For the first time he actually had an accident in bed. He hasn't had that happen since about December! I feel so bad for the poor guy. I'd be tempted to talk to one of the Military Family life counselors but the counselor I like the most, Lana, has been absent lately.
If he can hold on just a bit longer this will all be over. If we can all hold on, this will be all over. It's almost become my mantra "just hold on, just hold on, just hold on".

Just hang on!

2009-07-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

That's what I've been telling my knees lately. Just hang in there!!!
For those who don't know I went through some pretty massive reconstructive surgeries on my knees around 13 years ago. The doctors warned me at that time that the repair would probably be good for the next 20 years, give or take. Well it seems as if all the extra physical labor has sped things up a bit as suddenly for the past 3 weeks my left knee has gotten worse. What's even more horrible is now I hobble around much of the time around the house. Not good as I am speeding to get things done.

The good news? If I manage to keep my knees from dislocating for another month or so then I'll have someone to help take care of the house and Nick. So I'm hoping to just hang on. If I'm lucky the worst that will happen within the next month is my knee will just keep popping and that is it. It's painful when it pops but at least it's not dislocating completely. When it dislocates completely it ends with me crashing to the floor and I have almost no control over where I fall to. Once when I was 20 years old I crashed down and nearly hit my head on the bedside table.

So this is what I get for pushing myself to the very limit. A body that is trying to give up on me. Well you know what bod? I have not given up!!!! I need 115% and I need it now, thank you very much!!!

I'm hoping by the time I move to Maryland I can have my knees looked at (I wish I could go back to the original surgeon but he is now a civilian and is the head of the Orthopedics department in Tennesse, he was awesome!) and then even possibly go through my next PT and prep for possible surgeries to correct it again. Hopefully they don't throw new knees at me. My previous surgeon advised me that it was more than likely that I would get new knees but I'm really hoping for just a bit more time. Only good news if it did happen and the doctors suggest new knees is that Edward will more than likely be here and not be deployed.
Hhhmm. Maybe I should google total knee replacement to see what things look like now a days. I've googled my surgery that I had (fulkerson osteotomy) and it seemed that it's become a much more popular surgery now a days. I was the second person in Ft Riley to ever get one of these and it did wonders.

OH Goody! They have an hour long video on Google!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3347931048322867705

I won't place the video on here. If one wants to watch it you can click on the link.

Almost there

2009-07-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

At the finish line that is. Lately though I have so many different races that I'm running that it's hard to remember which one I'm getting close to finishing!
Next week I list the house for sale. Please let all the hard work that I've put into this place pay off and big! As it stands I'm exhausted today. Last night I stayed up late while watching Silent Hill again I got up every so often and got things done around the house. Cleaned up the garage some, cleaned up the kitchen, picked up. Nice thing about watching movies that are scarier. Every so often I want to get up and walk away so I don't have to watch people getting torn apart with barbed wire. It's funny, I always tend to like watching horror flicks when Edward is deployed. When Edward comes back then I lose interest once again.
I sometimes think it's just because I watch the characters in the movie and as horrible things are happening to them, it allows me to say "Well at least THAT hasn't happened to me!"
Tonight Nick and I are going to work on the carpets yet again. If my darn cat throws up one more time on the carpets I swear I'm going to throw her to the voles outside that are tearing up my grass!
Next, I need to put out the fresh mulch I purchased, take the cushions to the firepit set we have and place them and then take the ottoman and put it in the closet. It's going to take a lot of espresso I think this weekend! Still though, the good news is Ray is not going to start taking photos until Thursday after the maids have come by. That way everything looks and smells fresh and sparkly!
I so wish I had the time to get a storage place and then place all our Christmas decorations and other junk in there but I'm just out of time!
So now I'm entering a new phase. Keeping the house clean. Keeping Nick from pouring sand all over the floor. Keeping Mittens from peeing all around the floor around her litter box. Keeping Mittens from throwing up on the carpet.
Keeping the yard and plants looking beautiful. (I still never managed to get those spots completely filled in in the grass!) And most of all, keeping Nick's toy closet neat and tidy!

Next race, the race to when Edward comes home! We're getting close to that finish line too. Let's just hope that it doesn't get yanked away like last time! I don't think it would under the current administration but you never know.
It's neat driving around post and seeing all the preparations going on to get ready for the brigades arrival. Even more neat is seeing those few extra soldiers that are fresh from Iraq. They're all easy to spot as they all have tan lines from their sunglasses! A soldier sits down in front of me to arrange for his PCS travel and right away those tan lines give him away as a soldier who recently returned.
Oh and by the way, I just want to say I'm getting tired of arranging travel for soldiers, having soldiers sit down at my desk, getting to know those soldiers, their seat preferences, their preferred hotels, etc. and then not ever seeing them again because he/she was killed in Iraq. I really am tired of it.

Under pressure

2009-07-14T11:37:00.001-07:00

It seems that David Bowie song should be the story of my life now a days.
Under pressure at work, under pressure at home.
Still the good news is that the majority of the pressure is almost over. The "getting the house ready for sale" part is almost over. Next phase will be "keeping the darn house clean!"
As it stands now I have to REDO the carpet as Nick spilled fruit juice on the floor in the kitchen and the stickiness that it left behind has moved over to the carpet in the dining room therefore darkening the carpet there to a most lovely dirty brown. YUCK!
I've been thinking about this for some time. I'm so grateful that I've had some tough deployments to go through in the past. It's allowed me to endure large amounts of EXTREMELY situations all throughout this deployment.
Between work where I've had to train new employees, I've had to deal with unannounced audits, transportation officers who actually have the gall to tell me that I simply "cannot leave the office, ever"; a supervisor who cannot multi task worth a dime and who tends to drop every single ball whenever one is thrown at him. It's been so frustrating. Add in the stress a military wife feels during a deployment, knowing that your spouse is in harms way, knowing that everyday could bring a knock at your door and further knowing that your entire family's well being is resting on your shoulders and things get tougher.
Now add in taking care of everyday things in your personal life when your work doesn't want you to have a personal life, when your supervisor actually has the gall to tell you that you cannot take off unless you find coverage for yourself (and I'm working in an area with no one else other than a brand new agent that I'm currently training). That all has even gotten me more fed up.
I've jokingly told my parents that currently if I (or my son) came down with cancer we would not be able to take off time to go to the doctor all due to my job which has overrun my life now completely. I get midnight calls at home, calls on the weekend. In the past I go on vacation and then get a call within an hour to 3 hours. I'm done.
That being said, I'm so hoping that the next job I have is a bit less stressful. I don't even care about deployments at this point. (even though from what we understand the post we are PCSing to does not deploy as much). I just want less stress.
I've tried for some time to "Not sweat the small stuff as it's all small stuff" but it's rather hard sometimes.

One other thing I'm grateful for. It's somewhat dead here at work (at least right now). Maybe I'll get a few phone calls in. Freeman and Associates still has not called me back. I think I might even call JAG to find out options there about the whole HOA issue.

News off of MSNBC

2009-07-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

This was in MSNBC and it just about tore my heart out. It's so sad to see this not just affect the soldiers but their families.
As military spouses it is up to us and us alone to care for our families when our soldiers are gone and yet after repeated deployments, long seperations, the everyday dealing with everything on your own, it can wear almost anyone down.
So to those who are for us to keep redeploying to Iraq/Afghanistan, keep this in mind. It's not just wearing down the soldiers. It's wearing down the children, the future adults in America.

MSNBC.com
More troops’ kids seeking mental help
Alarming number of children also hospitalized during time of Iraqi ‘surge’
The Associated Press
WASHINGTON - Children of U.S. military troops sought outpatient mental health care 2 million times last year, double the number at the start of the Iraq war, and there was also an alarming spike in the number of military kids actually hospitalized for mental health reasons.
Internal Pentagon documents show the increases, which come as the services struggle with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and a shortage of therapists.
From 2007 to 2008, some 20 percent more children of active duty troops were hospitalized for mental health services, the documents show. Since the 2003 invasion of Iraq, inpatient visits among military children have increased 50 percent.
The total number of outpatient mental health visits for children of men and women on active duty doubled from 1 million in 2003 to 2 million in 2008. During the same period, the yearly bed days for military children 14 and under increased from 35,000 to 55,000, the documents show.
Overall, the number of children and spouses of active duty personnel and Guard and Reserve troops seeking mental health care has been steadily increasing as the military struggles with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Last year's increase in child hospitalizations coincided with the "surge" of tens of thousands of additional U.S. troops into Iraq to stabilize the country.
However, reasons for the treatment increases are not clear from the documents. Besides the impact of service members' repeated tours in overseas war zones — and the severe economic recession that has affected all American families — the military has been encouraging troops' family members to seek mental health help when needed.
The military plans additional research.
Strain of warStill, the statistics seem to reinforce the concerns of military leaders and private family organizations about the strains of the wars. Along with issues of separation, some families must deal with injuries or the deaths of loved ones.
Military families move, on average, nearly every three years, which adds additional stress.
"Army families are stretched, and they are stressed," Sheila Casey, wife of Gen. George W. Casey Jr., the U.S. Army chief of staff, told a congressional panel last month. "And I have often referred to them as the most brittle part of the force."
Evidence of domestic violence and child neglect among military families, as well as an increase in suicide, alcohol abuse and cases of post-traumatic stress, are all troubling signs, Mrs. Casey told a Senate Armed Services subcommittee. She and other military spouses testified that gaining access to mental health care is a problem.
At summer camps organized by the National Military Family Association for about 10,000 children, most of them kids of deployed soldiers, there have been more anecdotal reports this year of young people taking medication, and showing signs of severe homesickness, anxiety, or depression, said Patricia Barron, who runs the association's youth initiatives.
Barron, a military spouse, said her organization is participating in a study on deployments and families. She said much is still unknown about the effects.
"If it continues to happen, you have to wonder how this is affecting them," Barron said. "In the long run, you have to wonder if there isn't going to be detrimental effects that might hang on for a long period of time."
Push to share resourcesThe shortage of mental health professionals isn't just isolated to the military. But the problem is more pronounced because of the increase in demand, both on the home front and in the war zones.
About 20 percent to 30 percent of service members returning from war report some form of psychological distress.
There are efforts under way to encourage the military, the Department of Veterans Affairs and state and local agencies to share mental health resources. Also, there have been incentives offered to encourage military spouses to enter easily transferable fields such as health care.
In recent years, there's been an increase in funding in areas such as education, housing and child care devoted to improving the quality of life for military families. First lady Michelle Obama has said helping military families is a priority.
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31784856/ns/us_news-military/

Treading water...barely

2009-07-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

It's almost the end of this deployment and usually around such times I look back and feel proud of what I've accomplished. Sometimes it's that I lost weight, or paid down bills and put money in savings.
This deployment I can honestly say, I did none of that. Instead I just treaded water in some pretty rocky seas. Just barely.
Throughout this deployment I've barely managed to keep my head afloat above the water that is threatening to drown me.
It's frustrating to look back at this deployment and see that. Between sickness; normal every day issues that always seem to occur ONLY when the soldier is deployed; major work issues; etc.
The past year stretches out and I cannot see a single thing to be proud of that I accomplished. I was just treading water. Barely.
Every day my goal was to just make it to the end of the day. Get to the end of the day, get dinner made, get Nick in his bath, get him to bed, collapse in my bed. So I can do it all over again. Groundhog Day. Like Edward once said, every day is Groundhog Day but I don't get to shoot or electrocute myself to make it end quicker.
My real hope is once I quit, I can take some much needed time out for myself. Time to recover from work and all the past events that have taken so much out of me.
Lisa, my old boss, and I were talking about our jobs. She has quit hers as of May and now she has more time to recollect and recover. She agreed our jobs, Lead Travel Counselor up here in Fairbanks, Alaska are tough and it's so easy to get burn out. Especially with all that CWT loads on us and then you look at who our supervisor is. Well, voila.
When I found out that we were on orders for Maryland part of me just wanted to jump up and run out the office door and say "GOODBYE!"
I told my supervisor that my last day has jumped up somewhat and of course his response was first that it was earlier and why in the world do I want to do that. When I told him that this job consumes me to the point where I have nothing left to give he just blah blahed and did his normal "Tamara, you're killing me!" bit.
Seriously this job consumes me to the point where I have nothing left to give to myself, my son and my husband. I so hope that the next job I get does NOT do this to me.
I see other military spouses who look tanned, fit, healthy while I look pale, bruised, tired, run down and definitely NOT fit and I can't stand it. I'm glad for them but I can't stand that I have nothing to give. That I'm always exhausted, short tempered, out of breath and suffering from chest pains.
The only thing I can hope for is that my body manages to last for another 2 1/2 months. Then I can quit and hopefully walk away and heal.
In the meantime I tread water while painting, sanding windowsills down, moving furniture around, cleaning out closets, hanging up annoying towel racks, painting the fence, landscaping the yard. Does that mean I'm accomplishing a lot to be proud of? Nah, I don't think so.

Busy, busy, busy

2009-06-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Between the office and home. I honestly couldn't say which location I've been busier at.
Training Liz, issues with hubs, issues with getting reimbursed for about $300 that I've had to spend to keep the office running, etc, etc, etc.
At home it's just been all SSDD. Same caca, just different day. Only good news is that with each day that passes with all the same caca I get one closer to the day when I won't have to be a single parent, when I won't have the weight of my family's entire world on my small shoulders. When I won't be the only decision maker, the only set of hands to get the hard work done, the only person running the house.
I'm so worn down.
And yet I keep marching. I saw a bus arrive here on Ft Wainwright going to the AHA today. Probably yet another group of Aviation guys. Welcome Home guys.
Now come on down Stryker brigade. You're then next ones on the Return Home show!

I must admit, I'm so impressed with Liz at work. She is picking up it all so fast! On top of that she has jumped on so many of the opportunities I've thrown at her. She may have difficulties handling the hord that will be arriving mid September but I think she'll still do fine. Next week I'll be showing her Alaska Marine Highways, both making them and invoicing, as well as more on reservations.
Darn! It's time to go! I gotta get my butt home and get to work and PRONTO! MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!

Planning a move, etc

2009-06-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

This title sums my life up now. Planning a move of epic proportions.
Actually normally it wouldn't be all that big of a move however throw in the following conditions: husband is in Iraq, Mother of a 3 1/2 year old, preparing a house to sell, working as a Supervisor of a Government Travel office who is not only doing her job but the job of a Travel Counselor and a Trainer of a travel counselor, owner of a pet who needs an airline ticket to the east coast, and the most fun part, planner of yet another drive from coast to coast.
Well that all makes it a bit more.....interesting. And stressful. And crazy.
I'm suprised I've managed to get as much accomplished as I have, really. Still I've had a few setbacks. The contractor last night who came just to look at a fence painting job who instead nailed my gate shut for one. I think I'll be cancelling my appointment with him!
The lack of time to get things done has been the ultimate kicker. I have during the week about 2 to 3 hours to get things done which of course also includes such things as dinner, normal cleaning up, cleaning up after a stupid senile cat, getting Nick upstairs for bathtime & bedtime. By then it's 8p to 830pm. I'm done. Worn out and about to collapse.
Weekends are a bit better but now I only have 4 weekends left to get everything else in the house done, INCLUDING the Thompson's that I said I was going to hire someone for but now I'm just going to do it myself since I'm not usually inclined to nailing my own gate shut on my backyard.
I still have some painting; the hanging of a towel rack (yes Edward I got angry yet again at the towel rack in the bathroom so I tore it off the wall in a moment of frustration and no Edward this time Nick didn't watch me lose my temper); moving of Edward's massive dresser and also the bed and elliptical machine in the spare bedroom; cleaning of the garage. Take down the screen down and throw it out; list the floor unit air conditioners for sale. Paint Nick's bedroom. Clean up the closets just a bit more. And I'm done!
However that being said, next step is then preparing for the actual move. Amazingly enough, I've got a good portion of that done! People in Maryland have been checked with; basic itinerary planned for the drive across country; Alaska Marine Highway info checked on (that'll be a neat part of the trip!) ; pretty much all the basics of a big move from coast to coast.
This will be my third trip across country and I am really looking forward to it!!!
So that all being said, lunch time is now over here at the office so I must get right back to work on training my new person Liz (who is doing really great! She's picking everything up so fast!); planning more on my move; calling Freeman and Associates to see what they have discovered on cutting off those bad, IRRESPONSIBLE home owners who are not paying their dues; and making more reservations for customers; dealing with hilarious questions from customers who are ignorant; and other miscellaneous tasks that are included with my title.
Oh and by the way, just a reminder.....today is just another day. Nothing special going on. You know, kind of like that day in December. Uh, what day was that? Oh yeah, 25 December. Just another day. Same as that day in July, I think it's the 4th right? Just another day.
So that's why I don't even say Happy 15th Anniversary to me. What's the point? It's just another day.

A change of color

2009-06-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

of my hair that is....
I got my hair finally professionally done, much to my husbands delight and much to my Mom's displeasure. (My Mom loves to go on and on about the cost, after all it's so much cheaper to do my own hair for $12 in my own bathroom than a few hundred at a salon, it doesn't matter the result. As long as it's CHEAPER.) Don't take that as anything bad against my Mom, she is sometimes just overly cheap. Sometimes it's good to actually spend money for something of good quality. Or at least to my way of thinking.
If you walk away saying "Oh my, that was WORTH it! I look gorgeous, I love the way this looks, this is beautiful." Then it's worth it.
After that I ran to US Nails and got a pedicure which included a polish change with a new flower (not as good as what Jessica does. Jessica does an awesome job at handpainted flowers), then got my nails filled. Jessica must've been in a hurry today. She didn't do as good of a job as normal. It was like she was rushing all the way through.
My nails look good but not great like she normally does.
Next, I picked up Nick. I showed up at 145pm because the daycare on post has said it does not put children down for naps. Well today that was obviously not the case. Many children were zonked out. Nick was all the way in the back and obvoiusly full into a game with another child of "I'll donkey kick on my cot if you do the same" type bit.
So we headed off to the fire station on University. I knew by the time we headed over there that there was no way in getting Nick to go down for his nap so I decided to simply get the firefighters to fix the carseat in Edward's truck.
They took a look at it, decided that it must have been installed incorrectly, reinstalled it all the while reminding me that they are not certified to do such things. Still I was grateful for any assistance so I promised I'd be bearing gifts for them later, they asked for Ice cream so I figure some coupons for Hot Licks would be good later on.
They offered to bring Nick into the firetruck but he was extemely nervous about the whole idea so we held off on that. The one firefighter however patted him on the head and told him "don't worry buddy, any time you wanna see our trucks you just get your Mama to bring you here, we'll let you see our trucks"
So that is today, somewhat. The readers digest version of course.

There are a lot more things I want to cover but oddly enough, I'm so tired so I really need to go to bed. I've got a busy day tomorrow.

My home is beginning to look like a house...

2009-06-13T22:10:00.001-07:00

Yup, all the tiny things that claimed it as "ours" are starting to vanish. I managed actually to get loads done however by the end of it (approximately 430pm) I was regretting getting any of it accomplished! My shoulders ached, my knees and feet were swollen from standing non stop and I was hobbling around like an old lady due to the osteo arthritis that sometimes affects my knees.

Still though, I did get loads done! Pat on the back to me! I still have a lot to do but due to my hard work today not as much now.

Good news is Ray does not support the whole idea of "depersonalizing" a home. He believes that if he's selling a home then it should not look like a house. This means less picking up of nick nacks and other photos of all of us that I have to pick up. Not that I have tons of photos of us around the house. I think most of the time that just looks tacky in someones house to have tons and tons of photos everywhere of the fam. Still though, that's just me. More power to anyone if they feel they most post photos of everyone and everything in their family on every wall.

In the end my goal is to simply get as much done as quickly as possible so that I may take the time to walk around the house and go "hhhmmm? anything more? Anything else need to be done?" I've gotta get the house shown and sold, pronto!
Next weekend is almost completely thrown out. It's Super Saturday next weekend. That means free child care and that means I almost completely lose Saturday as a "work" day.

So then that means one week left in June and then another 3 weeks approximately till the house goes on the market. Joy, oh joy.

So very tired......

2009-06-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

So each day lately I've managed to get quite a few things done! However that being said, I'm EXHAUSTED! I've had almost no energy to get things done. I still have loads to do as well. Painting in Nick's room, cleaning up some of the paint in Nick's bathroom, working on my bathroom (can't do much about that until the contractor comes by), cleaning closets, cabinets, etc.

I feel like singing that song from Blazing Saddles. I'm tired.....(just not tired of love, just tired of endless work)

Still, it's hard to believe that we just found out on Tuesday of last week that we're on orders. And like Edward and I had a feeling about, it is to a place that was completely out of the blue. I just hope it means no more deployments. TDY's are so easy. I'd have no problem with that. We're just really tired of deployments. Edward has said that he thinks it's possible that he was chosen for this position because of the amount of years that he's spent deployed.

It'd be lovely if we were stationed here for the next five years and all we had were some TDY's to deal with. After all, one cannot say that we haven't made enough sacrifice for our country, can one? 7 years of seperation in a marriage should be enough sacrifice, right?

So anyways. I started this last night at work, now it's 555am and I figured I might as well get up and finish this since I've been up since 355am with my son.

I am so DARN tired of the earthquakes and the threat of them. I have to check the earthquake map to see if that was why Nick got up.

It appears we had two. Here's the more recent:

Local Date:
Friday June 12th, 2009
Local Time:
05:49 AM AKDT
Universal Time:
06/12/2009 13:49:25.853 UTC
Magnitude:
1.76 ML

And here's the one that most likely rattled one or two things in Nick's room:
Local Date:
Friday June 12th, 2009
Local Time:
03:11 AM AKDT
Universal Time:
06/12/2009 11:11:11.725 UTC
Magnitude:
1.52 ML

The only way I know usually that a earthquake woke Nick up or scared him somewhat is because he tells me the "ghosts" are in his room shaking things. Poor guy.

I swear I'm going to need a serious amount of coffee tonight and today to keep moving. I feel my mantra should almost be like Lewis from Meet the Robinsons. "Keep moving forward!" Yeah, I'm moving forward but sometimes somewhat sluggishly, always with the reminder that we're putting our house on the market in another 5 weeks or so from now.

Last night I didn't end up painting (was too tired). Instead I tackled the messed up areas in Nick's bathroom. When Edward painted he got paint all over the wooden edging around the doors so I've been trying to clean that up for some time. I got most of it done. The rest will be done tonight.

Along with going after the area around the sink downstairs. Tonight should be an easy dinner night, Avocado and papaya salad with some bolillo rolls. Nick loves salads, add fruit and he's even more happy.

Thank goodness the smoke has cleared somewhat that arrived on Tuesday. I hope they're getting that massive fire out.

I spoke to others and many of us agreed that it just made us all feel dizzy, disoriented, and unwell.

I must admit this, first, it's so hard to believe that by Christmas I will no longer live in Alaska. That I'll be on the east coast. That I'll be having to deal with traffic, wimpy winter weather, and soon allergies that from the midwest to the east coast are extreme. I'm looking into going back to my immunotherapy by the way. The hospital has to get back with me on that one to see if I can start here.

Don't get me wrong. East Coast isn't bad but I'm not super duper thrilled to be leaving Alaska. There is going to be so much I miss. The people, absolutely. I love how tough people are here. People in the lower 48 seem to complain a lot more about stupid stuff.

I'm going to miss how simple life is here. Sure we don't have a lot of the big name stores and restaurants but I'm not too concerned by that.

The biggest thing is I'm so nervous about living close to family!!! This is a really weird concept for me to wrap my mind around! Everyone says "oh that's great! You'll have family to rely on when you need help!" Uh, people for the past 15 years more or less I have done it on my own, therefore, no I do not need help. I'm not a weakling who needs to crawl to her Mommy and Daddy because I'm not adult enough to deal with my own problems that life is dealing me.

Plus Edward and I both agree on this one, family tends to get in to ones marriage a bit too much.

However all that said, I'm glad Nick will be able to see more of his extended family. It's good for him to get to know everyone.

Dang, I have to end this. It's 615am and I still have to take a shower, start a wash and then get Nick up to get him ready for school. Lately he's been so darn slow too because he's been complaining that he doesn't want to go to school. That adds about another 10 minutes onto an already tight schedule.

I so hope today is short, sweet and easy. Oh wait, I have that group to finish that should be easy unless certain individuals make it difficult.

(those who know me KNOW who I am referring to!)

And so it begins

2009-06-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

The list. The long list of things to do.
Man, oh man.

I met with the real estate agent last night and we talked about setting up our home for sale. Most of what I have to do is more hard labor than anything else. (I'm no stranger to that one since Edward has been gone so much).
I've got to move a lot of furniture around, do a lot of painting, do a Thompson's cleaning treatment and then water sealant on the fence and then go nuts on grooming the back yard. Ray wants me to create a "shangri la" in the back yard. He said I've already got a good start but I've got a lot of work to do.
Then I have to contact ServiceMaster today. They were supposed to come out on 16June to work on my carpets downstairs but now my Mom is not visiting so that is out the window. (done! Rescheduled to 26June 530P) We'll be back to evenings and weekends for that junk. As well as the contractor work.
It kind of sucks that my Mom is not visiting but I'm glad for my parents. This is best for them for Mom to stay in DC. I just keep reminding myself I cannot be selfish.
Good news is some of the things are super easy. The mildew on Nick's window; the caulking in the bathroom downstairs; the filling in of holes made by nails; the cleanup of the garage.
I've got to get out my leather binder tonight. The documents are already adding up. Before I know it I'll have quite a bit of paperwork on my hands and I need to have it organized.
Mittens stuff is already started. She's about to be the million dollar cat again. Joy oh joy. $500 for shipping her. Not including health certificates, Rabies titer, etc.
Now, I have to call the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene? 410-767-5649. For what? In case I go crazy from all the ins and outs of shipping Mittens?
I still need to look up more on FAQ's about selling a house. God, so much stuff to be done!
Dang, I wish Ray would email me back with the contact information for some contractors to get the really difficult stuff done. That window in the living room needs to be fixed as well as the bathroom wall. Those are the two completely paying jobs that I have to hire for.
Darn, another thing. I have to purchase some more flowers for the outside to recreate that "shangri la" that Ray wants me to create.
I really need to create an organized list like I normally do. I'll work on it shortly.

Weird twist to things

2009-06-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

Okay so here's a weird twist. In the past I could not see blogger.com but I could see Sparkpeople. Now suddenly Sparkpeople is a no no site and blogger is an approved site. Weird.
Okay, wait, strike that. Now I can see Sparkpeople.
Well so far I must say, life is getting interesting suddenly, what with all the earthquakes and all.
Locals believe we're gearing up for another big one. Big one being 7. something or another.
I've managed to call up our Insurance company about the earthquake insurance. Now I'm just waiting for a call back. Oh wow! They just called me. My insurance agent will have to call me tomorrow though as he's out of the office.
I can only imagine how a big earthquake like that would scare Nick. Oh well, I've tried my best to prepare him for it all.
So now I'm at work, fighting sleep and fighting the thought that I have donuts in the fridge. Chocolate mini donuts.
No! Must not have them! Must not!

Tonight will definitely be an early to bed night. I did manage to get quite a bit of things done today but I still got more to go. I need to schedule some appointments, I got Nick booked for the next three months of Super Saturdays, I talked to Merry Maids and yelled at them for overcharging me this last time, I called a local photographer to see if they could do my canadian citizenship photo for me (they couldn't) and then I've been just doing the mundane, travel agent junk. Full of boring tdy's, pcs's, and soldiers who think they know all the flights when they really don't know diddly.
That's a constant though, passengers who think they know everything about air travel, who go on and on about this and that but in the end they're dead wrong. Sometimes it amuses me. Most times it irritates me.
I so want to say sometimes "Look dude, you are a soldier, I am a travel agent. I won't tell you how to be a better soldier and you don't try telling me how to be a better travel agent, kay?"
Even more amusing, recently I had a soldier who was non stop hitting on me left and right. Actually made my day though as I got a really good chuckle. Especially when I kept dodging his attempts to get me to tell him my age. Soldiers like that remind me of pilots in the air force.
Cocky.

Oh, another update. Edward, (gotta love him!) has been working non stop now at getting us either moved or whatever. Wait, wrong wording. More like he's been working on getting us on orders to someplace. We're hoping for Germany or Ft Lewis. I'd way prefer Germany. Just no where down south, no where in Texas, (yes all my X's do live in Texas and no I do NOT hang my hat in TN. God no!)
Once we come down on orders then it'll be up to me to get the house on the market, get it ready for prospective buyers, get the rest of us (Nick and I that is) ready for a move, prepare my resume, etc. All the fun things that go into a move.
If we do get Germany then we'll have even more work to do and I'll have to sell my Jeep most likely. (I'm going to miss it!! I love my Jeep!)

Dang, I gotta end this. I'm so tired. I cannot wait for this day to just end!

My mind is scrambled

2009-05-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm simply writing this morning to UNscramble it. I have so many thoughts (all the time) jumbling around in my brain and many times I feel that everything is organized and is in some semblance of working order.
Yet today I feel like everything is bouncing around like big bouncing balls bouncing around a big colorful room. Frustrating.
Still though, that's why sometimes I write. Just to get things a bit less chaotic.
At least in my brain.
Of course, Edward left back for Iraq on Thursday. I was simply amazed at how well Nick has done! I really am. In fact I'm suprised at how well I've done!
Other than catching Strep (I'm betting it's your fault Edward!!! After all did you not admit to me a lonnnnnggg time ago that you were a carrier?) I feel like I'm picking myself up pretty darn fast. Only thing is is the fact that yes my brain feels scrambled, and I also keep wandering around the house today and asking "Okay, what needs to be done now?" as if I keep expecting more things to be added to my non stop list. Edward yells at me for my non stop lists. Still though, that's what helps me keep things organized, keep appointments and keep my house running somewhat smoothly. Organize. That seems the keyword for today.
Also something that keeps throwing me off. The earthquake last night. 3.7 at 853pm. I was in bed as was Nick. I was reading Watership Down when suddenly my bed started shaking like crazy. It stopped for a moment and then resumed with even more shaking. The tv was making tons of noise as was all my jewelry and Edward's things on his dresser.
5 minutes later Nick showed up in my room crying and screaming about the ghost that came into his room and made everything shake. Poor guy. It took me a while to explain to him what happened and then to explain what we will do the next time there is an earthquake.
Finally he went to sleep. We had another earthquake this morning. 3.2. Around 617am. This felt relatively minor though and Nick barely noticed it.
So anyways, I gotta get moving shortly here. I have Nick's laundry to do, I really want to plan my next two weeks of meals out. And I seriously need to go grocery shopping. Just for the simple stuff like eggs and milk, thankfully.
I think the week after next I'll be using up lots of leftovers. Intermixed with lots of fresh salads and stuff. I get tired of casseroles and soups that have been made ahead of time and I quickly start craving fresh stuff.

So another thing, this morning when I told my Mom about the earthquake she remarked on how that's so horrible that Nick has to go through that when he's going through so many other things. I told her it's not really such a big deal as I've explained to him what we do, just like he knows what to do when there is an emergency. (Quick! Grab the Phone! DIAL 911! Tell them who you are!)
This all really annoyed me as sometimes my Mom does. Many times she suggests putting Nick is the easiest situations because this or that is too difficult. Take the situation with Isaac. For the longest time my Mom kept suggesting I ask if Nick could be moved, or even better if Isaac could. I kept telling her what would that accomplish? Yes, a difficult situation had been avoided somewhat for Nick but then also Nick will never learn about bullys and how to deal with them. I don't want to raise a child who is a wimp. I don't want to raise a child who doesn't know how to deal with the everyday problems life presents.
Recently I heard a commercial where the Mom said that her child said his homework was too difficult but she told him to do it anyways. Then she realized that she's been trying to quit smoking but she's been saying it's too difficult and she realized how she was making a very poor example for her son. I thought this was an awesome commercial.
I can't stand whiners. Really. I hate people who say "I CAN'T DO IT!" It makes me want to say "Just stop whining and do it!" I know I'm not perfect, hell I'm far from it. But I try not to whine. Nick knows if he whines right away I yell at him that whiners don't get anything. Only good children who DON'T whine get good things.
One of my friends put a post on facebook today saying that we should be grateful for challenging situations as they allow us to deal with harder challenges later on. I agreed totally.
Okay off that rant. Sorry, got off topic.
Next two weeks at work are going to be interesting. This is Christina's last week. Sometime this upcoming week I have to get my nails backfilled since I missed my appointment due to this stupid strep infection.
Plus on Friday I think I'm going to make my next acupuncture appointment. I've got to do ANYthing to get myself healthy again. No more flu's, viruses, colds, infections. NADA! Now if I could just get the germs to believe in that idea?

Time flies when you're having fun

2009-05-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

Bien sur, I expected this. I expected Edward's visit for R&R to fly. Thankfully enough this R&R didn't go as fast as the last one. Last time with Nick's impending arrival, the fact that I was 9 1/2 months pregnant therefore clumsy, heavy and not exactly feeling like getting up and running around like crazy didn't help.
Still though, our time for now is coming to a close.
The great thing is there are good vibes running through the FRG. Can't say more than that. OPSEC. Still though, the prospect of a future homecoming is approaching. Hopefully this will be our last homecoming of this type.
We're so done with deployments. I most of all I just REALLY hope we don't have any last minute extensions in the future. I'm even more done with those.
I highly recommend to any people NOT inside the military to go through one of those! Last minute extensions are HIGHLY entertaining and enjoyable!! NOT!!!!
So Edward heads back on over to the ole desert and then we have a few more months, just Nick and I.
I'm not looking forward to these months. Summer months bring more work for me at home. Some is just because during the summer months I plant all my veggies, fruits and herbs therefore I have to water them every other day or so. Of course, then there is taking care of the yard, mowing, raking, etc. Add in the normal work of keeping your home running (add in the fact that we own our home, we don't live on post where a phone call will bring a person to fix any problem that arrises in your house withing a few hours to 24 hours). In the past I relyed on my handyman guy but he's gone AWOL. I'm on the lookout for another handyman type of person.
The biggest one is how warm our house gets. If this summer shapes up like the spring is so far it's going to be a warm one. Not only that, we haven't had rain now for several days. For us in Alaska that boils down to DANGEROUS conditions. I'm sure the risk for forest fires is pretty darn high right now. Here in Alaska with no AC and having to rely on the nearest breeze to cool down the house, if there is a forest fire then it requires us to close each window and watch the thermostat rise higher and higher inside. If you don't then you get that nice campfire smell working it's way into your hair, clothing, furniture, etc.
All I can say is MAJOR YUCKOS!
Well good news is, this deployment is almost over. One more big holiday left, most likely that is. The summer months I'm sure will go fast. I hope. One can always hope, right?

Relaxing is hard work

2009-05-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough as nice as it has been relaxing at home with my two guys. Those in the know already know who my two guys are.
Still though I must admit, I'm pooped. Seriously. I'm tired! I feel like I could sleep for the next year and still be wanting to catch up some more on sleep.
Maybe tonight we'll get to bed at a more reasonable time. Last night Edward and I watched Seven Pounds. First time for Edward, second time for me. I fell asleep halfway through. Sleep deprivation catching up.
We ended up going to bed at 1130pm last night.
So now I'm sitting here writing this, contemplating picking up my newest book that I want to read, Watership Down and also thinking that I need some miracle drug that will wake my butt up. I know for a fact if I went to an acupuncture treatment I would probably first fall asleep during the treatment but then I would probably wake up and within 15 minutes I'd be feeling great. There is no way I can afford going currently though. It's been an expensive 2 weeks.
Still though, Edward is only home for 2 weeks. Then he goes right on back to the big ole desert. I sure hope the next 3 months fly. And most of all I just want to find out if we're moving or if we're staying put.
Even better, if we find out we're moving it would be nice to find out where the hell we're going.
Edward and I are betting that if we do PCS that we're going to end up somewhere odd, unusual and completely unexpected. For me as long as we don't move down really south. I hate the heat.
Well no, I don't really hate it, put me in a cool pool with a cold drink in my hand and I love it. Or put me in a nice air conditioned building with a temp set at about 65 degrees and then I'm happy. Just don't expect me to go outside and enjoy myself.
No matter what though, I tell Edward we'll make whatever we get work. I'm secretly hoping for Korea (which would be a CRAZY move full of lots of difficulties), Germany (another toughie) or somewhere in the lower 48 that is up north. Where they actually have winter.

Successes & Failures

2009-05-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today, first thing, I find I'm ecstatic! I can get onto blogger.com at work. In the past it's been blocked! I imagine that it'll be blocked yet again in the future but for now I'm running with it!

Today has been a pretty successful day. My new hire will be starting on 26May. Her Employee ID's, access to our intranet has all been started. Her Sabre login is complete and ready for her (bien sur, fait moi-même, merci beaucoup!)
I also found out Merry Maids does not clean carpets, ServiceMaster which is a part of Merry Maids does though. $150 minimum.
Sears also told me that they can redo my photos that I will be using for my Canadian citizenship. (Dad recently got on my Mom about being so lazy about getting me all my paperwork that I need)
Oh well, Christina and I are trying to figure out what in the world else I accomplished today. I feel mildly pleased with myself that I accomplished so much but I'm also tired. Edward and I stayed up late last night. He playing RE5 and me getting stuff done around the house.
Now the failures. Not really failures actually but just annoyances at perceived failures.
Transportation never ceases to frustrate me. Some days I wish I could set things straight and yet because I'm stuck as a Lead I only have a certain amount of power. Well that actually depends on the day you catch certain departments within the company. Sometimes I'm HR, sometimes I'm a Branch Supervisor, sometimes I'm a piss on. And sometimes, oddly enough, I'm actually me.
The most recent issues are idiotic group problems that amazingly become a problem as soon as I'm vacant from the office. Groups being charged excess baggage.
Customers who ask for their tickets to be issued a bit early because they want to upgrade and then transportation throwing an unholy fit about it.
I just sometimes so want to walk over to those offices and just yell "Well WAAAAA!"
It's funny how people that don't even work directly with the airlines think they can bend the airlines will to what they prefer instead. Nope, nada, no can do.
Ignorance is sometimes really funny. Many times it's annoying but sometimes it is really a hoot.

In the end we're just going with CYA. Like it was told to me when I really was a pee on "DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!" And so we shall. Especially when that certain head of that certain department calls a month from now wanting his/her tickets issued a month out on his/her IBA.

Dang, gotta finish this. I have to go do my job as HR today and notify applicants that they did not get the position. Hey! Don't shoot the messenger.

Making a memory

2009-05-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

I've known this in the past but over the past day or so I've relearned it. Make as good memories as possible during times of plenty, times when things are a bit happier, times when you're not stressing. Save them up like pennies in a piggy bank. That way when things are tough, when it doesn't seem like you can get a break you can pull out each memory and think it over and recall how wonderful things are sometimes. You can relive each one and feel for even 5 minutes that life was pretty good.
For 8 months I've been roadmarching in the desert. Parched, sometimes almost overwhelmed by crazy situations, and getting more and more tired as the load on my shoulders has gotten heavier and heavier. Nick has gotten heavier and heavier but I don't drop him, of course. I love my little bundle in my arms and would protect him with my life and more.
Edward has come back but not for good. The clock ticks audibly and reminds us we have only two weeks. Two weeks to make enough good memories to last us for another 4 months or so. That is of course if the deployment goes as scheduled and Edward comes home when the Brigade should.

So each day, starting from yesterday we endeavor to make as many fond memories as we can in hopes that this will light our darker days when life just seems too miserable.

Yesterday poor Edward was just too tired to do much more than run around the table a few times with Nick. We all went to bed early and Edward just about collapsed in bed. Nick had a tough time going to sleep. He was afraid of the monster in his room. Of course I know that monster. He shows up every so often, especially when the deployment began. I wasn't surprised to hear that he was in Nick's room last night scaring him. It happens when Nick is really afraid or worried and of course I know what he was worried about. He knows that his Daddy will leave again to Iraq to keep other people safe. Such is the life of a military child. And even more so the life of a military child now a days.

Today was really nice other than me being super exhausted. Edward not being used to the local time woke up at 4am and then got me up at 530am however he did also manage to wake me up also at 1130pm, 1200am and then at 230am. I'm so tired.
Still though it barely put a damper on the day. Nick and Edward have been having fun together. Once Nick took a nap I made Nachos with queso fresco cheese, crema mexicana and guacamole. We opened some coronas and enjoyed playing a bit of RE5. We've been waiting some time for this game to come out.
At one point I looked at Edward and told him I really missed this. I missed watching him blast away zombies (who I've always secretly imagined were actually my own enemies that he was killing), sharing homemade super spicy nachos, and just having those talks like we've had for the past 20 years that we've been together. I miss being able to talk to him like that.
I know the next two weeks will be a blur. Why is it that the good times go so fast and the bad, dreary times, the times of drought just drag on and on?

The demon is at work......

2009-05-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

And he/she (is a female demon still called a demon? Or is it demoness?) is already active it appears. Why should I not be surprised. I can leave the office for 15 minutes and it is already hard at work creating mayhem and nuclear explosions in the office that I must then rush in and clean up. Sad thing for each person I've worked with is it doesn't seem to care who I work with, as long as I'm in the office at all times.
To give you a bit of background on this, Christina, my current coworker, and I were discussing how it seems so odd that each time I leave the office to run an errand, take care of some business or take off for some personal time to take care of something at home that something very unusual and severe happens. Something like all the computers are down and nothing can be done or the printer is kaput and doesn't want to start or there is a group that up until now was fine but now everything is haywire. Those are just a few of the examples but my God I could go on and on. The past 8 months have turned into me barely being able to leave for more than an hour or two, that is unless I'm sick. For some reason whatever tries to keep me in the office seems to lay low when I'm sick.
I'm so worried about this upcoming vacation. Really I am. The past vacation on the cruise was only bad because then I came back and it became apparent I couldn't leave because my coworker had become ambitious, power hungry and a backstabber to boot.
If I wanted to save my job then it was extremely important for me to stay in the office. Next, she quit, thank God! but then I'm working with the part timer turned full timer. Any time I left her in the office the same would happen as what happens now. Sabre would go down, the computers would go down, transportation would need to talk to me NOW for some urgent problem that oddly enough wasn't urgent until just after I left.
Next, for about 1 1/2 months I was completely on my own in that office. NOTHING happened the entire time. You know why? Because I was there the entire time. I wasn't going anywhere.
Next Christina started. Now it seems, oddly enough as if whatever it is that wants to keep me in the office has become insane with the desire. Within 5 to 20 minutes of my departure World War III erupts in the office and all hell breaks loose. What is with this?

I swear this whole situation is pushing me closer and closer to just quitting. I'd love to see what Transportation, Ed and everyone else, DEMON included would do then.
I'm just tired of it. I'm not a drone. I'm simply an employee of a not so bad company making a not so bad salary. I almost pray everyday that we'll come up on orders. Hilariously enough my Mom says it'll all get better when Edward comes home for good but I severely doubt it.
It will all be the same.
The constant "Tamara, we need you! Tamara you can't go on vacation! Tamara you can't be sick! Tamara! Tamara! Tamara!" Jeez what am I? Some sort of supreme being that can fix anything and everything. Okay I do tend to joke around to some and say in my previous life I was Macgyver. Able to fix anything with a paper clip, a pair of scissors and a piece of paper. Whether it be hard drives that need to be replaced, defunct printers, or misbehaving computers I seem to have a knack at fixing problems. Maybe that is where the "problem" lays? I'm too good? I so long to find out, do we stay or do we go. And if we do come up on orders out comes the letter of resignation with a two week notice. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehn, good night.

Idiotic door to door salemen

2009-05-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't really say they were salesmen. They were representatives from a local church here. That didn't bug me much. I say much because I find people going door to door to beg you to come to their church as rather distasteful. Put an ad out in the local newspaper, buy a radio spot but please don't come to my front door and then proceed to lecture me on just how great your church really is because most likely I'll give you a pleasant smile, pretend to listen and then I'll wish you a great day and then close the door in your face.
These two really took the cake though yesterday. They asked if I currently attend church, I responded that I do, that I go to the church that sponsors my son's daycare (I don't really but I figured this was the quickest way to get them off my porch). They then proceeded to tell me how "Oh my, they're religion and church is so much better, and how I should really switch over to their church because I'll find it ever so more enjoyable" My first thought out of all of this was "Are you guys at your church really so hard up for parishioners to help fill your coffers that you must say to everyone that you've REALLY got the best gig in town?" Seriously, if I was a church going person and had even more loyalty to the church that sponsors my son's daycare this would really make me upset because I would imagine I would feel even more defensive and would want to defend my church even more so. I really wondered as they went on and on extolling the benefits of switching to their more impressive church how someone who went to church every Sunday would handle this. Would they defend their church and then further get into a shouting match with the young men? Or would they smile, do they're "uh huh's? and "reallys?" but then say have a good day? Or would they forsake their own church and go off and join these guys church just because these guys said it was so great.
So in the end they left with reminding me that I really must come to their church and try it out, that once I did I'd never want to return to my own. Ha ha.

Another idiot I ran into yesterday was at Walmart. I've seen some dumb cashiers there before but this one was both dumb and slow. It was like watching a sloth work at ringing things up, putting them in sacks, etc.
Why in the world I never changed lines is beyond me. I guess her slowness had me hynotized.
Also Nick was getting antsy so I was paying more attention to him than the cashier for a while.
Soon though as I approached and it was our turn to have everything rung up it became apparent that this lady was missing something upstairs.
Everything from ringing each item up (which grew into about a minute ordeal for each item) to trying to figure out exactly what was this strange vegetable I was trying to purchase. Yes, I do tend to buy some of the more unusual veggies and fruits (not unusual to me but to many they are). Things like artichokes, jicamas, rutabagas,etc.
When she got to the artichoke it took her almost a minute and a half to figure out what it was and how to ring it up and that was with me telling her, "Ma'am, it's an artichoke. It's a vegetable." and then with her looking up and me uncomprehendingly and asking me again, what it was. I really felt like telling her it was a different version of fried chicken. Its just that it's green, and spiny rather than oily and rough.
I really feel she probably would've believed me and then would've attempted to ring it up as fried chicken.
So anyways I just had to get that off my chest. It was annoying me all day. Idiot people. I know I can be dumb from time to time. Hell, I'm human. I can make errors just like anyone else can. But when it seems like people are being more than dumb I just have to comment on it.

Next, soon Edward will be home! I've prepared Nick for the idea that "Daddy will be home for just a little bit but then he'll have to leave again". I hope this works for him. I know for the next month or so after Edward leaves Nick will be back to nightmares, missing Daddy and calling out for him from time to time.
Something I was thinking about last night. How little civilians know what we military families have to deal with. Seriously.
On the day of deployment we say goodbye to our soldier and try to then pick up the pieces to start our new life for a while. The feeling one has that day is very much akin to actually going through a life shattering event like a death in the family. It takes about 3 months or so to truly pick yourself up and get moving, truly moving, again.
By the time you get to the 6 month mark it becomes apparent that now it's going to take a bit of work to try to fit your soldier back into your life. Both you and your soldier don't talk as much now about the stupid stuff in life, the stuff that actually really matters. The most you talk about is the kids, how you've got the flu, how works going, etc. Miscellenous crap. You forget each other. You forget all the quirks and silly things about one another.
Someone told me recently that it takes a year to fully mourn the loss of someone. I believe it.
I would actually have to say that probably by at least the 7 to 8 month mark you're just about there. At this point of the deployment I have to admit, as much as I'm glad Edward is coming home for a bit I'm also annoyed. This may sound mean but when you see my job as the person who makes sure everything is running on time, makes sure all things are happening according to a schedule then it becomes a bit more understandable. It means for approximately 4 weeks or so life will be in a constant up and down. Also of course in two weeks we have yet again to go through that horrible goodbye. Edward and I joke that we've gotten too good at goodbyes. It's funny because now that we've gotten so good at it in the past we suddenly had a new challenge added to it that has once again made it difficult. A child.
It's hard to bite back your tears, too look and stay strong when your child is pouring their heart out screaming for his father to come back. It's so damn hard. I've had some bad goodbyes with Edward but this last one was one of the worst. It's easy to bear my own pain in silence. It's somewhat easy for me to bear Edward's pain but to watch your child in that kind of pain is horrible. The most horrible thing is there is nothing you can do but hold your child and rock them and tell them that you'll keep him/her safe, that Daddy will be back (all the while hoping you're not giving false promises), that we'll be okay (all the while hoping that you truly WILL be okay)and that before we know it, this will all be over.
I just hope more than anything that this goodbye will be easier.
My life is about to get hectic and chaotic again. Those seem to be the keywords for this deployment. Hectic and chaotic.
Another person to be hired, another person to do the termination checklist for.(I'm officially not supposed to do it, my supervisor is but I'm not even GOING there!) Another person to train. More work at home now that it's just about summer time. That thought just keeps ringing through my brain. More work. More work. More work. Just a bit more work.
So many times throughout this deployment I swear I've just wanted to collapse. So many times the weight on my shoulders has felt almost to heavy to bear. Sometimes I've been tempted to just pick up everything (son included) and drive away into the sunset and hope that all the problems will just fade away.
I've even at one point started to look for other jobs. Something stupid like a fry cook. A Walmart door greeter. A volunteer for ACS. Something with NO responsibility at all.
Still though I keep holding on and hoping that something will happen. Something good will happen and it'll all make it worthwhile.
Please, let it all be worthwhile. It better damn well end up all being worthwhile! With all the sacrifices I've made, with all the shit we've been through it better work out in the end.

Do we stay or do we go now?

2009-05-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

We're in limbo land. We have no clue if we're leaving or are we staying. More than anything I'd love to at least find out which way it's going to be. Are we moving? Or are we staying?
Do we have another move coming up in 8 months approximately or is the Army going to say that Edward is important enough to break their rule for and keep us here.
So frustrating. Part of me wants to leave which of course those who know me well know why yet part of me doesn't simply because I'd miss Alaska.
Edward and my discussions constantly contain details of where we could possibly go if we do move. Korea? Germany? Fort Hood? ewww. Too hot, thank you very much. I'm okay with hot as long as I'm on vacation and I'm not required to do anything more strenuous then swimming in the pool or raising a cold drink to my mouth.
I'm trying to think back to all our PCS's. How far in advance did we know where or when we were going? For some odd reason, I cannot recall. I can remember the details of most of our moves, hell I was the one who did most of the moves. By myself I might add. Our first true military move, Wakefield, Kansas to Ft Riley I did. Next was the condemned housing that we lived in. They were tearing them down to make room for a new housing area. Edward was in Korea, I just was recovering from my knee surgery and I did the move to the next housing area on Ft Riley. Next was a biggie. The move to Hawaii from Kansas. Man that was a crazy one.
Full of twists and turns, a car accident about a month before the actual move began to take place. The week before I was due to meet Edward for the first time in 6 months (we had had our 6 month R&R in Hawaii) I did the 6 hour drive from Junction City, Kansas to St Louis. The next morning early I was scheduled to fly from there to visit with my parents in Atlantic City for some good family time and a bit of gambling and drinking as well. What can I say, my parents like to have fun. 4 days later I flew out to meet Edward and then 2 days later we flew to Honolulu.
Honolulu was nice, I just missed the change of seasons. Especially during the holidays. It was hard to get into the Christmas spirit when there are no pine trees covered with snow, you can't see your breath and when the house gets to warm after roasting the turkey, you can't just open your windows.
Still we had one move there which was only difficult because we moved ourselves from the nice, brand new housing in Schofield to the shabby older housing of Ft Shafter. We had to do that one though because I was preparing to start work at Cheaptickets and we only had one car. There was no way we would've been able to live all the way out in Schofield. That would have been about a 2 hour commute each way.
Next was of course, Ft Drum, NY. This was Edward's first time experiencing the pick up side of the move. By this time, especially with all the experience I had growing up and doing moves with my Mom, Dad and Sean, I was a pro. Thankfully we got to Ft Drum and only moved into housing and then didn't pick up and move again until we moved to Ft Richardson. That one was made way easier since I worked directly with the transportation office there. I knew everyone, they knew me so processing all the paperwork for shipment of household goods, pov, and all was (in the words of a cartoon character I recently saw on tv) easy, peasy, nice and cheesy.
Next was of course the move up here. That was, I have to say, the toughest move I have ever accomplished.
Nick was 6 months old. I was purchasing our first home. Edward was deployed. I arranged for the clearing of the quarters in Ft Rich. I arranged for the closing date for our new home in Fairbanks. I got our stuff packaged up (by Sourdough Express movers who did a horrible job in Anchorage but somewhat redeemed themselves when we got up here) and then got the house unpacked and settled in within about a week. All the while with a 6 month old who was still nursing.
I can't remember if I ever thanked Corinna for letting Nick and I camp out at her house for a while while the movers were there. If not, thanks Corinna.

So yeah, sure, we've had some tough moves and each one has had a unique challenge that has of course been overcome and conquered.
I'm not going to say that the next one will be easy or even go smoothly. Military life has taught me to never take anything for granted. Just because I think I've encountered any challenge I can think of, I'm sure I'll encounter something new. Let's just hope it's not too too difficult. I think I've had a tough enough past two years. I think I deserve a bit of something easy. Or at least something that has a moderate difficulty level. Please?

Becoming a Canadian

2009-05-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

This, I'm sure will be a controversial post with some family and yet I've been thinking about this all day long. 17April a new Canadian law made me a Canadian. I was already somewhat in my heart a Canadian, hell, I used to say I was 1/4 Canadian as my Mom was Canadian born. I was proud of my roots. Still proud. I love my family over there to the north(uh, actually to the south currently as I'm farther north than you guys!).
Never has my feelings been so torn on something. I so want to save my husband the anguish of having to put up with hateful comments about me and my family, my Canadian family and yet I so want to accept the welcoming embrace of my new family. The Country of Canada. I was thrilled when the Canadian Consulate in Nova Scotia said to me after asking me a few questions "congratulation, you're Canadian. Welcome to the Family!"
Now does this change me much? No. Not at all. I just have an extra country that I am a citizen of. Instead of belonging to one great country, I am the citizen of two great countries. Does it change me, my name, who I am? Of course not. I am still me after all. Daughter of Tim & Maureen. Romania, Canada, Scotland, and of course the good ole US of A. My roots are all over and I'm very proud of them. Unlike my husbands family, my family is relatively new to the US scene. I was a first generation to the US on my Mom's side (which is the reason why I have found myself now with another country as my home) and second generation on my Dad's.
Yeah, I'm pretty proud to be a US citizen however I've seen many things about US citizens that make me embarrassed to even be one. Close mindedness, the whole "ugly American" thing, the way the "average American" seems to be so excited for our country to go to war and yet when it comes to having to shoulder the responsibility and work for that decision their suspiciously absent. Most Americans it seems, are all to happy to allow someone else to have to do the hard work of keeping the peace that they voted for while going on with their happy lives, living in their nice 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath houses and going to their 9 to 5 jobs.

So yeah, I'm proud to be a Canadian and of course, barring how some American citizens are, I am proud to be an American.
You know, I have still a lot of fond memories of Canada. Staying at my Aunts cabin off Lake Ignace. My older cousin, Cheryl teaching me french. (Cheese=Fromage. that one stuck with me) Fishing with my uncles and aunts, cousins and my brother. Collecting blueberries in the woods. Visiting my Aunt Ellen in Cobourg. Going to my cousin Roseanne's wedding. I remember that one really well. It was the first time I was allowed to wear high heels.
The waiter at the restaurant at the hotel where we stayed called my brother "the l'il fella" It amused my Mom, Dad and I. Gosh, I remember I was on that strawberry flavored antibiotics at the time for an ear infection.
More recently, visiting Pam & Dave and their cute son who loved ANYthing military. Pauline & Al and that beautiful home they were building up in the hills. I would've loved to see that thing finished. It looked like it was going to be beautiful.
Or even better, my last trip to Montreal with my husband, Edward. That was a wonderful trip. We had so much fun even though my feet were killing me from all the walking we did towards the end. Montreal is such a magical city. I love that city like crazy. I like being able to walk and listen to the mixture of French and English. I love the architecture. I love the people, the way of life there. There is a constant feeling of to take a phrase from the Bob Marley song "Everything is gonna be alright. Don't you worry about a thing". It's true. Everything felt just alright there.
Same for Quebec City however that is a bit harder to say since we only visited once.
So yeah, I'm proud to say I am from a country that has such awesome cities such as Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec. We've been to Toronto but I've always said Toronto is much too Americanized for me. America produces great cities too, awesome cities really. I love those cities that are really culturally diverse. Chicago, DC, San Francisco, NYC. It's a joy to visit cities like that.
No matter what, I'm a US citizen first as that was where I was born but I'm proud to say I am a Canadian.

It is possible by the way

2009-04-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

Some time ago someone told me it was impossible to lower your electric bill. That it wasn't even worth trying. Well I can now say, that's hogwash.
February my electricity bill was $240. This month it is (drum roll please) $83. Thank you very much.
Nick and I are very good at constantly keeping our lights off, I prefer many times the light of a candle or a small light to lights on throughout the house. I have installed the energy saving bulbs, I have certain lights on timers so they'll only be on when I plan on being in that room and actually I invested nightlights that not only turn on only when it's dark but also they only turn on when they sense motion. So there are actually times that the entire house is dark. Of course during the summer that means they rarely turn on.
As of right now we're up to 15 hours of daylight. I'm not exactly certain what time it gets light, oh wait, let me look on Wunderground.
Here we go:

April 26, 2009 Rise: Set:
Actual Time 5:34 AM AKDT 10:05 PM AKDT
Civil Twilight 4:27 AM AKDT 11:13 PM AKDT
Length Of Visible Light: 18h 46m
Length of Day 16h 30m
Tomorrow will be 6m 59s longer.

So there you go folks. 16 hours of Daylight. The neat thing about sourdoughs is come summer time everyone goes nuts here. We play softball at midnight, golfers are on the golf courses at 11pm. We wash our cars, have barbeque's, or go out to eat at almost any time. We take advantage of the sun since we're without it for so many months.
You know, with the whole thing about us possibly PCSing from here I cannot help but already start to miss Alaska. I love Alaska like crazy. I like the craftiness and strength of the people here. I love the scenery here. I like the summers, I like the winters down in Anchorage, I'm not as fond of the winters in Fairbanks but if it comes to no winters or a winter in Fairbanks, well I'll take Fairbanks. I'm going to miss Alaska. Part of my heart will always be here.

So anyways, off that whole expression of gooey sentiment. Today we have an absolutely gorgeous day. 60 friggin degrees! Yeah, Baby now that's what I'm talking about.
I woke up this morning with a horrible headache however oddly enough I've managed to get loads and loads of things done. I did a load of laundry, dyed a pair of black slacks a deeper black. I ironed some more of my slacks, washed the floor, washed Mittens litter box and water dish, washed out the trash can (man did that thing STINK!), I managed to get my French lessons from the PC over to my phone so I can listen to them while going among my everyday things. Not at work as much since I'm a big "no cell phones in the office" person. I don't agree with Ed, my boss on a lot of things but I do agree with that one.
I even got my Nutrition podcasts on my phone too!!! WOOHOO!
So next, I fixed Nick's curtains. Part of the black out curtain came off the main part of the curtain so I had to resew it back up. I also had to sew up some of Nick's socks. Some of them had holes in the heel.
All the while I've been watching all the recorded episodes of shows on my DVR. This morning was The Deadliest Catch. That was a sad one. 11 members of a cod fishing ship died in a perfect storm scenario type of thing. It really made me again be thankful for the crab and fish that we all take for granted. Someone works really hard for that seafood.
After that I felt the need for something more amusing and entertaining so I turned on Anthony Bourdain. First was Chicago. I've always loved Chicagoan (that's a word right?) foods. Stuffed pizza. Subs. Yum!
Next however was China. That one was interesting, especially since my brother in law recently had a business trip there and so many of my in laws were so put off by the food there. To me that food on tv looked pretty darn good. I found myself wishing as I went from chore to chore that tv included surround scents. I would've loved to smell some of those dishes.
I do so miss the melting pot of dishes that were available in Hawaii. It was so easy to find authentic foods there. Actually the only food you could NOT find in Hawaii was more like the types of things you would find in the Central US over to the south. That and East coast foods. You couldn't really find that in Hawaii either.
I often wonder if I have this interest in other foods and cultures because of my Dad. When I was growing up my Dad was always pushing us to try new foods, try to understand other cultures. To not judge things until you've tried it first. If you didn't like it well then you can just say "I tried it, didn't like it" and then you can go on to the next interesting experience.

Today I find that I am absolutely exhausted. This comes from 2 nights in a row of staying up late to talk to Edward. I simply cannot do this tonight. I need to be back up and fully awake tomorrow as I have another interview. I just so want to get someone hired and be done with it. I'm getting so burnt out one on interviewing, hiring, exit interviews, interviewing again, hiring, exit interviews, etc, etc, etc.
Still though I have dinner to work on, one more pair of slacks to iron. A white wash of towels to do, I need to list Nick's Disney Babies CD on Amazon since I've already loaded it on his IPOD.
One of these days I need to back up all our music and movies. Oh and I need to clean the water fountain in the entertainment center in our living room. And I swear I cannot forget to go upstairs and print out tomorrow nights dinner, find another recipe for Eggplant before the eggplant I have turns totally unusable since I could not find the basil I was looking for and I also need to send myself my resumes to my work email address. That way I can work on that possibly tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then sometime this upcoming week. I've got to work on getting my ducks in a row. My t's crossed. My i's dotted.
And of course I have to work on that letter of recommendation for Christina.
God, I'm tired. And of course I have to get my Canadian stuff done. DANG! I forgot about my pictures that I was supposed to get done today! Oh well, maybe next weekend.
I probably won't get Mom's paperwork until next week anyways. I'm going to have to ask the representative from the Nova Scotia consulate if my Mom has to get her stuff notarized. I don't want her to send everything and then find out that it had to be notarized and then have to send it back.
Well I gotta end this. I still have to prepare my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. Dang, always too much to do. It's going to be a multiple espresso day.

Resignations, interviews and Canadian citizenship surprises, Oh my!

2009-04-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

This week started out weird and actually rather horrible. Monday I found that the Lead who used to be my supervisor (and currently is also a really great friend) just put in her letter of resignation.
She was the person I always turned to in the past to cover my office whenever Nick or myself was sick and she was also the person I turned to when I just needed to bounce some ideas off someone here or I needed to vent about my current supervisor.
Let’s just say, I’m going to really miss her. That now brings me to the point where I’m stuck. I’m stuck because as of June Christina will be gone; I may have a new trainee here but that person will definitely not be ready to go on their own for at least 3 months and of course now Lisa is gone. So now if Nick gets sick, I’m stuck. If I get sick, I’m stuck. If either Nick or I have a doctor appointment, I’m stuck. Let’s just face it. I’m stuckaroos. (which is the word Nick and I use by the way)
There is one other juicy tidbit about the Eielson office that Lisa told me about today but I’m going to have to keep that still locked in the closet until it is released to the world, and more importantly to our supervisor down south.
So next, today I had interviews. Three of them. One really impressed me. One really DID NOT impress me. And one was mediocre. I cannot post which is which because unfortunately that wouldn’t be very professional. Still though none of them had travel industry experience and as any experienced travel agent can tell you, experience in this field is worth big money. I found my pay jumped significantly when I hit the 7 year mark. That is when my golden egg came around.
So I got approval from my supervisor to put in for an advertisement in the weekend paper and hopefully, maybe we’ll get a bite. A nice big one.
Also another bonus, lets just say that I got another okay regarding a bigger event in May. I cannot say yet as Edward and I are keeping that one quiet but Edward, if you read this you KNOW what I’m talking about. WOOHOO!
Last bit of shocking news. It appears Canada has changed some of their laws regarding citizenship.
Here's a news story about it but the Canadian Immigrations site has more information.
Canada Issues a Wake-Up Call: You May Be a Citizen THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
By PHRED DVORAK
Thanks to a new law, Canada will bestow citizenship Friday on what its government believes could be hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting foreigners, most of them Americans.
The April 17 amendment to Canada's Citizenship Act automatically restores Canadian nationality to many people forced to renounce it when they became citizens of another country. It also grants citizenship to their children.
In the video 'Waking Up Canadian,' a man goes to sleep in a drab room and wakes up to find out that he's become a citizen of Canada. Surrounded by flags, maple-leaf-shaped cookies and a canister of maple syrup, he's welcomed by a hockey player, two plush moose and a uniformed Mountie.
For More Information
For more information on the new immigration rules and whether they apply to you, visit the Citizenship and Immigration Canada Web site.
Related Links
Canada's New Spin on Triple Loops
Work-Visa Numbers Get Squishy -- and Get Played
U.S. Offers Refuge to Cubans
The Canadian government doesn't know the precise number or location of individuals affected by the legislation. But it believes most are U.S. citizens, a spokeswoman for Canada's immigration office said. U.S. Department of Homeland Security records show 240,000 Canadians were naturalized in the U.S. from 1948 to 1977; the new law fixes problems that occurred during those years.
To reach that amorphous group of beneficiaries, the Canadian government has turned to YouTube. It's running an ad there titled "Waking up Canadian," in which a man awakens on April 17 to a room festooned with red-and-white Canadian flags. He's met by a welcoming committee consisting of two stuffed plush moose, a hockey player, and a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Eligible individuals automatically become Canadian citizens. But they don't get proof of that citizenship unless they apply for it, meaning other countries -- including those that allow people to be citizens of only one nation -- won't be alerted, according to the immigration office spokeswoman. Those people also may renounce their citizenship rights, she said.
View Full ImageJames Hager
Canada is using YouTube to tout a new law granting citizenship to unsuspecting foreigners, many of whom are Americans.

The citizenship bonanza is the byproduct of a decadeslong struggle by a motley group of people who claim they were unfairly denied or lost their Canadian nationality. Canadian families who crossed the border in 1947 to 1977 to have their babies in a U.S. hospital found those children weren't recognized as Canadians unless the families registered them with the government. Some foreign brides of Canadian World War II servicemen lost their citizenship if they stayed out of the country for a decade or more.
Then there are the Canadian Mennonites who moved to Mexico in the 1920s to the 1960s. When their children and grandchildren returned to Canada, many found their nationality unclear.
Some such cases languished in litigation for years. Others surfaced in 2007, when new U.S. rules requiring passports for travel between Canada and the U.S. uncovered significant numbers of people who thought they were Canadian, but weren't. The old rules were "quite intricate," said Bill Janzen, an immigration lobbyist in Ottawa for the Mennonite Central Committee of Canada.
The new law offers citizenship to many individuals now in limbo. It also stops the previous practice of granting citizenship in perpetuity to children of Canadians born abroad, limiting eligibility to children of parents born in Canada.
Write to Phred Dvorak at phred.dvorak@wsj.com

I'm currently attempting to contact Canadian Immigrations to see about my dual citizenship so I don't fall into the same rut as my Mom.

Spa day

2009-04-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Or it seems to always be "relax for a while so I can work REALLY hard for a while" It always seems to work out that way. I get to work really hard so I can relax from around 10am to 2 to 3pm and then I begin the even harder work.
Oh well, I'm still grateful for the chance to relax for a bit on my own.
Today I had my hot stone therapy massage with Brooke. Brooke is awesome! I think what makes it even better are the effects of the acupuncture are still present so I'm feeling pretty good yet horribly tired.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG9QGsG5dPk

Christina and I met after my massage at US Nails where I got my nails refilled and then we got a pedicure together. Totally cool. Had a great time which concluded with us going to lunch at a little hole in the wall place called Siam Restaurant. YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY. The food and tea was great!
Then headed over to pick up Nick, I then went to the PX. They didn't have what I was looking for so then I went to Wallyworld.
They didn't exactly have what I needed but it was close. I needed an aroma diffuser that was a plug in one, not a candle one. Walmart had a Homedics diffuser.
Only negative is I can't put water in with the oil, or so I think. I don't know, I'll have to look.

Next, as I'm driving home I realize that drat, I've forgotten to get another plug cover for the broken one in the dining room. MerryMaids recently broke it. I told them don't bother sending a check for a friggin $1.
So then I made a somewhat quick trip to Fred Meyers to buy that darn thing as well as some eggs so I have some for breakfast tomorrow.
By this time it's 430pm and now I'm worried as we drive home that I'm going to have to cram as much as possible in a very short time. There was still a wash to be put away, another one in the dryer that probably needed to be tossed one last time for a few minutes. Then there was another wash in the washer. This had all of Nick's blankets, sheets and most important of all, his silly giraffe blanket.(that's what he calls it)
Next of course, I would have to put away all our groceries, and most important, it was almost time for dinner.
Well, I got most of the things started but then I suddenly realized as I raced from spot to spot in the house that I had no mozzarella for the tofu parmesean. Out that idea goes. Okay, what do I make for dinner now? Uhhh, uhhh. Okay fine. Leftover casserole from the oven. Most likely Nick won't eat it because he hates casseroles but it's worth a try.
Okay so a shepherd's pie was stuck in the oven, first load of clothes is upstairs awaiting folding and putting away(most of which is Nick's) and the rest of the laundry is in different stages of completion. Thank God there is Sunday!
In the end we didn't eat dinner until 715pm. Normally I try to have dinner on the table by 6pm. Nick as expected didn't eat hardly any of his food. I wish I could find an easy dinner that he would eat no problem. Time for bed and time to see if his aroma diffuser works for his room.

Why does it feel like I didn't get anything done?

2009-04-15T17:59:00.001-07:00

Christina kept telling me I was getting a lot done but it feels like I got nothing done but caca.
It felt like I was running a thousand miles a minute while not getting to anywhere fast. Still I did manage to get some appointments set up, I got my application for my CTA certification notarized and faxed in (fancy that! I was able to send it via fax!), I got numerous emails sent out to numerous people including one for a refund for the group desk, one to IT to tell them I'll be ready to tackle that hard drive tomorrow and low and behold I got the approval to start contacting possible applicants so I can start the interview process. Fun, fun.
It just feels like I barely got anything done. And now, after coming home from the hospital in an attempt to see if there is a good reason why he gets sick non stop I'm sitting here exhausted. Really and truly exhausted.
The doctor told me pretty much what I already knew. Nick just keeps getting sick because he's in a daycare center which is a breeding ground for every passing flu, virus, and cold.
FRUSTRATING.
So anyways, big news for Nick but I'll post that in his blog, not mine. Let's just say I'm going to really miss Ms. Kathy. She has been a great secondary Mom for Nick. Strict, yet loving.

WHY?

2009-04-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

Okay of course the doctors all say "oh sure, 3 year old in child care, he's going to get sick non stop" but come on, EVERY other week? That seems crazy to me.
Is it our lifestyle? Is it Fairbanks and our horrible air quality? Is it something with Nick? What is it that makes him so prone to catching every horrible flu or cold?
I've often worried that maybe it's because we're always on the go, we're always busy, we take very little down time.
I worry that Nick is picking up my non stop "have to get this done, have to get that done" mentality. That maybe HE'S getting overstressed as I always am. I'm going to ask my acupuncture therapist hopefully on Tuesday if there is anything more I can do to boost HIS immune system?
I know this also that our air quality in Fairbanks is extremely poor. Does that lower ones immune system though I wonder?
I'm just so tired of Nick getting so sick. Thank Goodness the ear infections seem to be a thing of the past but now it's every other flu that is passing around. The bad thing about flu's however is if they are accompanied with a fever then Nick's daycare requires him to be sent home.
If the kids have colds they frown on the parents bringing the kids but don't require them to be sent home.

So damn it all! What in the bloody friggin hell can I do?! I swear if I could put Nick in a plastic bubble I friggin would!
Of course, any parent agrees, and I agree with them, that this will all be over soon. That by the time Nick is 5 this all will have passed and we'll only face the occasional flu. I really can't wait to get to that point in time.
Is it selfish of me I wonder? Because many times my first thoughts when Nick comes down with something is "dang it all, I had this and this and this planned" and "oh joy, now we'll be up all night" and "I wonder if I'll catch this one too". Actually that one is not quite as common since I started going to the acupuncturist.
Still, if I was a really great parent who was really worried about her child's well being shouldn't my first thought be "oh my, the poor guy, he sounds horrible, he looks horrible, etc" Or does this all run in the line of what the flight attendents advise you on the airplane "Take care of yourself before taking care of others"
After all, I've more or less been in "survival mode" for the past 6 1/2 months. Take good care of myself so I can take good care of Nick. Or maybe that is where I'm failing. Up until just recently I wasn't really taking good care of myself. I still have moments when I should be taking better care of myself, eating better, exercising, etc. Just like thousands and thousands of other Americans.
Still though out of all of this, I curse my Mom constantly for her non stop pushing when I was a child and then even more when I was a teenager. Always stay busy, multi task, multi task, multi task. Push, push, push, harder, harder, harder.
She's always at the back of my mind. Always pushing, always back there prodding me and annoying me. I love my Mom, I do. After all if it wasn't for her I probably would not have been as successful in my career, I would not have been as assertive as I am and of course I'm sure without her as a Mother I would probably be a much messier person. Well, wait, some of that is my Dad's doing too. Mom was just very clean. Dad on the other hand is a organization fool. Dad loves organization. I think that was why he did so well in the Navy. Well that and my Dad is also so good with people. Dad could charm the skin off a snake. Thankfully I got that little gift from my Dad. I'm not quite as good as him but I'm also, of course, not as old as him, therefore I don't have as much practice.
It's funny, when I'm calm and at ease I'm like my Dad with people. When I'm nervous I turn into my Mom.
Well, while I'm at the whole parent bashing bit I just have to say, my Mom watches tv a lot. But she needs to try READING some health news and such, not just watching tv.
Recently I realized how little my Mom knows about health matters such as the immune system.
She was recently amazed when I told her that stress releases cortisol into the system. Cortisol then suppresses the immune system therefore weakening the individual so that when one comes in contact viruses and flus it makes it harder to fight back.
All the times in the past when I've told her that the doctors had said I've put myself under too much stress, that they predicted that I'd drop dead of a heart attack soon if I didn't take better care of myself, she had no clue obviously that this also means that I do catch every passing bug.
I need to move to France. Buy myself a small farm where it can be just Edward, Nick and I and life will be simple. Or maybe Tuscany? Looking for simple.

Another holiday down, how many to go?

2009-04-11T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well, Easter is almost past next holiday is Memorial Day. I think, right? All we have left really is Memorial Day, 4th of July, and possibly Labor Day. Of course I'm not counting birthdays, anniversaries, and smaller events simply because to do so sounds even more depressing.
You know, I was driving along recently and I started counting to myself all the holidays, the birthdays, the anniversaries, etc that Edward has missed. I rarely do this actually just because to do so is extremely depressing and is just not smart to think of during a deployment. Still though, I was curious so I started counting them all up.
4 Christmas's missed. 6 Easters. My first Easter without Edward I had decided to go to Easter Mass. That day convinced me that God really has a horrible sense of humor as the sermon was centered around "Why we should be grateful we are with our families today".
Okay, so I'm not going to keep going on about this one. It's ridiculously stupid.

Next weekend is super satuday but I don't think I'm going to be taking advantage of it like I was. Last time Nick had a large unexplained bruise on his forehead, he had 2 accidents, and he just seemed out of it when I picked him up. He told me that he asked to go potty but no one would help him, then he said he asked for his blanket and pillow during nap time but they wouldn't give it to him. I'm just so grateful we have him at his current daycare. His current daycare/school is so much more structured and it's so much more a loving environment than the on post daycare.
I hate to drop Nick off at the on post daycare on those Saturdays because I'm constantly worried for his safety. I wish I had another option but I don't. Of course I could just simply not use it at all but then I miss my one day during the weekend to take some time for me. Any Mom knows how important it is to take some time for yourself. It allows you to be a better parent.
Even the Military Family Life Counselors advise us all of this one. Since we military families now a days have so much to deal with it's important to really take some time for ourselves.
Otherwise it's too easy for one to crack under the strain.

Okay so by the way, I noticed this recently and found it quite hilarious.
Any staff at our hospital will tell you that our hospital is more or less dead. There are very few doctors there. The military doctors all are constantly deployed and then when they come home they either get out of the military because they don't want to deploy again or they PCS to somewhere else.
So recently I was driving off post and I noticed that on the community board that they were advertising for Military Doctors. It said something like "Ever interested in being a Active duty military doctor? Call blah blah blah" Wow. They're actually advertising that way? I'm so sure some specialist or sergeant is just going to look at that sign and say "Hell yeah! I want to do that, oh but wait, I never went to college but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!"
Do they really think they're going to get anyone?

Sooooo, off that. And onto spring! Yup, it's coming! The trees are starting to develop little buds on them and the snow and ice are melting. Oh and the first geese of the season landed at Creamers Field. One person commented on Daily News Miner that geese for us is like the Groundhog in the lower 48.
Cool thing is I have a feeling summer will go pretty fast. Hell, it always does here considering that the full summer temps and weather don't start until early June and then it all ends rather abruptly by mid September.

Dang, it's time for me to get cooking dinner. I'm so not in the mood to cook tonight though.

Exhausted, exhausted, exhausted

2009-04-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yet, somewhat pleased with my progress lately.
First of course I managed to help two people at work who had a little higher profile. Both of which may have results that we have yet to see.
Next, it's sounding more positive that I will have someone hired by early May. That's a relief.
I received my plaque for my association with http://www.napew.com/ NAPEW. Looks great on my wall. That got me into getting back to recertifing with Marriott Hotels. The next big thing is my certification with The Travel Institute. This is a big one in the travel industry. Right now I'm going for my CTA (Certified Travel Associate). Tomorrow I take my exam (approximate test time 2 hours). I'll be in my office but won't be taking calls or anything. Not looking forward to the exam but I'm looking forward to seeing the results.
Next after this will of course be my ARC (Airline Reporting Corporation) specialist designation. Mary, the Senior Travel Counselor in Ft Drum, was training me for this but I never ended up testing for it. The ARC manual is like a really large, bible more or less for all the accounting, rules and regulations for the airlines. Not fun but it looks good on a resume.
Still though the ARC certification will have to wait for some time. At least until Edward comes home.
God, I have so many things to do after Edward gets home. I really need to get my right shoulder looked at. The doctor 2 years ago told me that I needed to have reconstructive surgery on it but at the time I was staying at home with Nick and Edward was always working so there was no way I could deal with that. When Edward comes home I'll have to see if I can follow up on it. The doctor predicted it would get worse with time.
Also, college. Yuck. I like learning but I just get so bored. Some classes are really great but others I cannot stand. Especially if the teacher is horrible. I have better things to do with my time.
That's why I never went for my Nurse Anesthetist. Too many years of college were required. I didn't want to have to spend my entire life in college. I had a strong calling towards medicine, towards helping others to heal, helping others by easing their pain but it just required too much college. So I went for travel instead which actually I always wanted to do since I was 16.
Tonight Nick and I started our Aerogarden again. This time with snow peas. I'm hoping the aphids that were previously attacking my rosemary have finally vacated. I'm sick of fighting them.
I got video of Nick helping me put it all together but I'm too tired to put it together tonight.
Oh and I had a very sad moment with Nick recently. I'll go into full detail in his blog but it was more or less with him telling me that all Mommys and Daddys leave their kids for long, long times. I reassured him that no, only Military Mommy's and Daddy's do this. It's not normal and that Mommy's and Daddy's don't like leaving their kids behind.
It makes me ache even more for Nick because I know how he feels because my Dad was gone for such a long time when I was a child. It's easy to believe that your parent has deserted you when he/she is gone for so long. Yet, I talk non stop to Nick about his Daddy, how his Daddy loves him, how his Daddy misses him and wants hugs. It's so tough.
You know I constantly sit and try to figure out. Is a deployment easier without children or with?
I still pretty much believe its easier with children than it is without.
Without children you do have more time for yourself however you also have TOO much time to worry, too much time to fear the worst, and mostly it's just so DAMN lonely. You come home to a somewhat empty home every night, eat a hasty dinner, maybe watch some tv or play on the computer until you get exhausted enough to finally fall asleep alone in a bed that seems too big without your spouse in it.
At least with children/a child you arrive home at the end of the day with your child. You rush to get dinner on the table at a somewhat reasonable hour. You watch a bit of tv with your child which even though it's just a cartoon that you have watched about a million times before is still somewhat funny. You get to cuddle with your child on the couch, make the occasional run to the bathroom for a potty break for him/her. You get to share in all the excitement of the holidays with them. And there is not as much loneliness. I still miss my husband almost every hour. But the pain is not as sharp, as intense now that I have a lovable little preschooler who comes and cuddles with me in bed on the weekends while we watch Mickey Mouse and Handy Manny.
You know, that's a big one by the way. Holidays.
When it was just me I learned, when your spouse is deployed NEVER EVER celebrate the holidays. To do so was much to painful.
Now with a child there is still the pain that your spouse is missing all these moments. The opening of Christmas presents, the Easter Egg hunts, the New Years fireworks, the turkey coming out of the oven on Thanksgiving. They miss all that and yet you still have someone to share it with.
Thank God, it's time for bed. Time, yet again to end this day. I'm so tired. Every day I arrive home and feel like I could easily sleep for years and years and not wake up.

Anyone for liver and onions in a rich mushroom sauce?

2009-04-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's what we're having for dinner tonight. Beef liver though. I have always loved liver, chicken or turkey liver is my favorite but beef is not bad. My brother hated it when we were growing up though. I have amusing memories of my Mom trying to smoother the liver with a ketchup based sauce in hopes of hiding it. Too funny.
Still, we eat things like liver, heart (not my favorite but I'm thinking that's just because I haven't found my preferred way of cooking it), tongue, tripe (again, not my favorite but just like heart I think I have not found the way I like to cook it best) and any other offal cuts just because I feel that if I'm going to be a gourmand and most of all, I'm going to be a responsible, omnivore then I should not let any part of the animal go to waste. Yes, if I were to hunt I would more or less be like a Native American and use all parts of the animal and not just the choice cuts. Still that brings me to another idea. Choice cuts? Honestly I can tell you this, before I began trying new things, trying different cuts than the normal traditional cuts I thought filet mignon was great, tasty and the best it could get. Man, was I wrong. I once heard a chef say, "anyone can prepare one of the "choice" cuts and make it tasty but a truly gifted chef/cook can take a throw away piece from an animal and turn it into something mouth watering" Too true, too true.
Maybe it's just my Romanian, French Canadian "farming" mentality coming out here. After all my Dad grew up eating things like tongue, blood sausage (tasty in the extreme if you ask my opinion), liver, kidney and all the other cuts that a sausage maker gets in his shop at any given time. Maybe I just inherited my Dad's sense of adventure and the want to try new things.
Hell, I know for a fact I did not get it from my Mom!

So anyways, Nick and I never got to that puzzle I intended on working on today. Too many things came up. Ironing, Laundry that never seems to go away, cleaning up the kitchen, cooking meals, doing my hair (yeah, today was color day as my grey was getting really too much for me! Why oh why did I have to inherit from my parents the gene that makes me grey prematurely!)
and then of course I had to clean up the shower afterwards.

I'm just about ready for tomorrow. Breakfast ready to go? Check! Scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and green onions, rather smelly but indubitably tasty and fulfilling along with a small bagel! Lunch ready for tomorrow? Yup! Leftovers, oh joy. Fun fun! Oh drat! I forgot I have to make the quinoa for tomorrow nights dinner!
Look on my food blog for more info on that one! http://menuplanweekly.blogspot.com/

Later........................
Okay, quinoa is now started. You know I never noticed before but quinoa does really have a strong saponin smell. I noticed it while rinsing it. I knew it was high in saponin before but I've never noticed it before today.

So now I wait for a few minutes until the dishwasher is done so I can start to unload it, and then start the miniature artichoke that I purchased some time ago from the commisary. Why is it that Fred Meyers can get such big, impressive and tasty artichokes while the commisary on post can only get puny, NOT tasty, artichokes? I'm guessing one thing. Cost.........which brings me to another thing.......

The unseen sacrifices that all military make, especially now a days when we have two conflicts currently going on.
Our pool/gym on post has closed due to non stop problems. I've heard it's due to funding problems. It costs too much to keep it open and running non stop. Malaven opens for a bit and then closes almost immediately afterwards.
Next, commisary. Okay, you can get a great deal here on canned, boxed goods, fresh meat, frozen foods and then that's where it all stops.
Fresh fruit, fresh vegetables? The quality is horrible here at the commisary. Some of the fruits and vegetables are being sold moldy, rotten or in some other decomposing condition. Oh yes, us military folks, we love decomposed fruits! So much so we pay extra for them! JUST KIDDING.
Next, the poor folks at the hospital. Anyone here at Ft Wainwright that is employed at the hospital will tell you, our hospital, our brand NEW hospital is dying. Why?
Because it has no staff. Well no, that's incorrect. It has numerous secretaries, receptionists, paper pushers galore. Just no doctors. Seriously.
We have extremely limited doctors here. Unless you're lucky and your doctor is an ENT or some other field that deploys rarely then count on not being able to be seen for some time. We're supposed to be sent out to Tricare to then be seen in the local community but when you're stuck in the situation all of us (possibly around 10,000) end up getting stuck with having to wait and wait and wait. All the while our spouses risk their neck for other countires and their freedoms.
I can say this as being a military wife before the whole sets of conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq started. This is NOT the norm. Before all those conflicts our commisaries were stocked with many of the foods that you would expect from off post grocery store. You could get in pretty quickly (talking about a few days rather than weeks) into the hospital to be seen for a condition.
The gyms or other recreation centers did not just close due to lack of funding.
Okay, so what kind of sacrifices are the outside Americans making for these two conflicts? If you're for these two conflicts then what kind of sacrifices are you making for them? Are you sacrificing your health care? Your food that you eat? Hhhhmmm?

Tick tock, tick tock.

2009-04-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

Goes the clock. 6 months now spent in purgatory. 6 months to go and that’s if this deployment goes like normal with no sudden glitches at the end. You know glitches like certain individuals deciding that the brigade needs to stay a bit longer because they’re so good at their job and oh because they also need a promotion from Major to LTC. Nick and I are starting to show signs of the weariness that military families experience during a deployment. Grumpiness, lack of patience, nightmares (mostly Nick), sadness, etc. Any experienced military family life counselor knows about all these signs.
It’s just a normal phase of military life but knowing that doesn’t make the deployment any easier. The living day to day wondering if your loved one is coming home. The living day to day dealing with all the problems that occur during the deployment. Dealing with the loneliness of separation from your best friend, your lover, your spouse.
This deployment for me is a tad bit easier than the previous ones just because I have Nick and he’s so much more active, talkative and interactive now but that also means I have less time for myself. Still that’s a good thing. Less time to worry, less time to be lonely. Less time to think about the hours, minutes and seconds as they pass by ever so slowly.
Today there was a commercial on the radio for a local gym that said they were open 24/7 for all those busy Mom’s out there. They came out and said “We’re open 24/7 so when you manage to get away from your family you can come and visit and work out” I was like “huh, manage to get away from family?” Too funny. This one must be written for a NON military family. A normal, every day Monday through Friday 8-5p family.
The differences between a military family and a non military family are so huge that I know a non military family would never get it. They would never even comprehend how much we go through in one year. The problems, the stresses, the losses we face are incomprehensible to someone on the outside.
There are almost no “minor” issues in our lives when the soldiers deployed.

I saw a poster today that I really liked. It had some soldiers on it and it said “What have you done for your soldier today” Hey America! What have you done for YOUR soldier today?

So off that, list of things that still need to be done. I still need to get my Jeep’s fan belt fixed. That, of course, was supposed to have been done on my “vacation” day but was put off because of Nick being ill. Next, our passports (Nick and me) need to be renewed. They expired in January and I like prefer those to always be valid just in case.
I have to do a load of laundry tonight. Nick had a slight accident last night and I detest just leaving that in the washer to be washed for more than a night. Thankfully last night I put away a load of Nick’s laundry.
I seriously need to plan out the meals for the next two weeks by the end of this week. This going home without knowing what we will have to eat or not having anything chopped up sucks royally. I think I’ll also soon go after some more of the snow on the sidewalk out front. I made the stupid mistake of letting it sit so now it’s packed down very hard. Too bad I couldn't’t find some neighborhood kids to hire. All the neighborhood kids though are too young. Too bad. I also seriously need to get the rest of my watches fixed. I only have one that works now and I'm waiting for that one to die.
Bills are done. Edward’s truck now has a remote car starter once again so thankfully that is done as well. I do need to do some more filing but that will have to wait. I’ve got ironing to do. Oh and don’t forget!!! BRING YOUR FRIGGIN IPOD UPSTAIRS TO THE ELLIPTICAL MACHINE AND RESET YOUR ALARM FOR 430AM. Workout tomorrow!

30 days of Night

2009-03-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

Not so bad. Truly. Not as bad as I thought it would be, but then many movies are not that bad once Edward is deployed.
I, in my usual fashion, tended to feel bad for both the victims and the vampires during different scenes, However there were several scenese that irked me.
Several that just didn't make sense.
Oh well, I'll have to get more into that tomorrow.
Right now I'm really tired and it's 1120pn here so it's getting late. I have an odd feeling I'll be dreaming of vampires t0night.

Bad Days?

2009-03-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

No more like boring days which still somewhat equals a bad day. At least in my book. Days when I'm sitting here going ho hum. Days that oddly enough make me feel Edward's pain even more being deployed. He once said to me being deployed is like the movie Groundhog Day except he can't kill himself early in the day and wake up the next morning. Days at home, especially with Nick are like that. Let's just face it, I'm not "stay at home Mommy material".
Especially not with a soldier and husband deployed. Too boring. Way too boring. My mind slowly turns to mush and the simplest equations, the simplest thoughts just become too diificult to think about. That's pretty bad.
I cannot wait to go back to work on Monday. When I can deal with normal issues like whiney customers, erupting volcanoes, Alaska Airlines agents trying to pass the buck, and reports that need to be run.
I miss it.

I really need to get motivated today to at least do two things. Fix the couch in the living room.(that fabric on the bottom of the couch came undone, requires turning the darn thing over and then restapling it, not that difficult, just tedious) and then cleaning up Nick's toy closet downstairs. Tedious, very tedious.
Oh and then soon I want to find out from GCI if I can use a HDMI cable to attach our Blu Ray player over to our phone box in the living room. That way I can get updates to my blu ray player.
Next is the garage but this time of year, especially with Spring still so far away I really don't give a you know what about it. I'd love to turn in my recycling but I still have to find somewhere that is convenient and fast. Yup, I try to be somewhat of a green parent. I don't go overboard but I do like to do a minimum of things. I use reusable shopping bags. I try to keep my energy consumption at a minimum. I try to recycle some things. That's good enough for me right now.
With Nick being sick and CRANKY though I'm really not motivated to do anything. Plus with only 5 hours of broken sleep behind me from last night it's tough to find the energy to perservere. Perservere I shall though.
Oddly enough I once had a friend who told me I made deployments look easy and almost effortless. That was when I was a brand new military wife. I took it as a compliment then. Now I just shrug and go "whatever" as I continue onto the next problem. Vehicles broken down? Done. Toilets broken. Done. Couches broken? Done. Sidewalk needs to shoveled? Done. Garage that needs a cleaning bad. Well done but some day in the future, s'il vous plait.

Is there a pattern developing?

2009-03-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

I sure as hell think so. I realized this this morning as Nick had gotten up for the second time.
It starts with me feeling pretty healthy so I decide the night before that it's time to get working out again on the elliptical. First thing, next morning I will work out for as long as I can. Next thing that always seems to happen is Nick wakes up due to a nightmare, a tummy ache, an ear ache, etc. And stays up. Till approximately 4 to 430am at which point he finally falls fast asleep all the while I have to try to stay up because I get up at 5am to get ready for work.
Next thing I know it's several days later and we've had a repeat of the same night for about 3-5 nights. By this point I'm surviving on about 3 to 4 hours of sleep a day. Not good considering I rapidly lose brain power when I lacking sleep.
Next, (and this is if it was because of an illness that Nick has caught) I come down with whatever flu or virus he has had because of course, my immune system is too weak to fight due to the lack of sleep and non stop stress.
Now I will have this illness for the next week (or possibly two) at which point I will either get better or my condition will deteriorate and next thing I know I'm on antibiotics.
Finally I start to get better all the while Nick has been slowly also getting better. Nick is always about 2-4 days ahead of me so just as I'm hitting the "Hey, I'm starting to feel better" stage Nick is now back at the "hey I'm starting to feel better so lets catch another virus/flu to see how that feels?"
JK I don't think poor little Nicholas actually goes out, on purpose to catch all these numerous little bugs. They just tend to like him to the extreme.
So I then find myself back at the very beginning. Only catch is that each time I complete that vicious cycle I get weaker and weaker. It's harder and harder for me to fight each and every virus that comes a'knockin.
So today I had my acupuncture appointment. First let me say to anyone out there. No, it's not really "relaxing" however you do have approximately 20 minutes to just lie on the bed while feeling like a ill wish doll.
Still it was pretty cool. The worst I felt was in my left leg which the acupuncturist told me was because she had to pierce the scar from my fulkerson osteotomy in order to get to the vital "stomach area".
Mostly the discomfort ranged from the feeling of a fire ant bite that quickly went away to a mosquito bite. There were several that I didn't even feel.
The ones on my feet were the easiest, oh and on my scalp. Oddly enough as I lay in the room by myself I found that I had little twitches here and there that sometimes were no where near where one of the needles were.
I should be rescheduling here soon and I'm very tempted to see how this all goes over the next 3 months. I figure I'll give it at least 3 months and if I don't see improvement in my health then forget it. I'll just suffer. If it does, well then we'll see if I want to keep moving forward.

On top of the treatment my therapist also suggested a rather foul smelling tincture made out of several different types of Chinese mushrooms known for their immune booster capabilities.
It tastes horrible but I find if I mix it with cranberry juice it's somewhat tolerable.

Later today at work I sent Christina off to the ER. I was seriously worried. I'm no pro or doctor or anything but when someone is as uncomfortable as she was and is pregnant, that's not a good mix. Work wasn't so bad. Mostly just phones ringing off the hook and everyone and their brother now booking their flights now that word was out that the Alaska airlines flights were back in the air.
Still though the moment I was expecting happened suddenly at 345pm. Kathy called me to tell me Nick had a fever. She was willing to give him some Motrin but I needed to try and hurry to pick Nick up. I must admit that I had to suppress my first reaction which was to stomp around the room like Godzilla and scream expletives like a banshee. That would've gotten me no where though so I began calling customers left and right. I called the hospital to ask their advice, they responded "bring him to the ER".
From this point on I bust my bum getting each and every customer (God I hope I got each and every one)ticketed. Walter, God bless his soul, actually went through my ticketing queues when I told him what was up to see if anyone was pending. I ended up blowing him a kiss which made him blush and then duck his head around the door.

I did get out of the office early. By five minutes. This allowed me to pick up Nick, rush to the hospital, get us checked in at the counter and then run over to the cafeteria just as they were shutting down. Nick and I shared a turkey wrap..much better than what I thought we were going to have to eat. (burger king.YUCK!)
We got seen pretty quickly, thankfully and Nick was so good! I love it when he's like that.
I'll have more stories about him in his blog though. Joy, I still have to update his blog!
Well that will have to wait till tomorrow as Nick and I are rapidly falling. I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes open and Nick was saying to me a few minutes ago that he wanted to fall asleep on the couch.
Night night all. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. And please dear Lord, let me get a good nights rest!

Minor annoyances here

2009-03-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

Along with a few scary incidents.
Yesterday I had my spa treatment. It wasn't bad. A vichy shower with pineapple scrub and then a coconut butter body wrap. The vichy shower massage was wonderful except for at one point when my neck grew uncomfortable as my head was resting on a rather high and firm foam pillow.
Still the warm was deliciously warm, and the scrub smelled lovely and reminded me of our days that we we lived in Hawaii.

Next, after vichy treatment I headed next to my body wrap. This was one of the most unusual and I have to say one of the most uncomfortable wraps I've ever had. Talk about HOT. I am, by nature a person who cannot tolerate high heat for long periods of time. Well this was an hour wrapped in a waterbed type of bed that was filled with HOT water. By the time my therapist came in I told her, stick a fork in me. I am done. In fact about 15 minutes prior to her coming in I remember waking up feeling uncomfortable, dizzy, and my heart was beating so hard I was afraid it might just jump right outside of my chest. I also had a horrible headache starting. This body wrap was not for me.
I've had numerous body wraps on cruises and those while, being uncomfortable in the beginning because of the lukewarm temperature of the substance being slathered on my naked flesh and the cool temperature of the room ended with a nice feeling of relaxation. I was always wrapped up, (like this one) but by just a heating blanket that got me just to that nice "warm" stage. Not overheated.
I should have just got the feeling from the ending of this spa treatment that my day was about to go downhill and fast.

After going to the spa I then went quickly to Walmart to purchase a few miscellanous items. I got hit on like crazy by an employee who when I asked for Ahi began showing me canned tuna. Uh no thank you. I said Ahi. Not canned tuna fish.
Next I headed off to Alaska Herb and spoke to the homeopathic professional there who exclaimed I looked ill. (probably because I was still overheated and this was 1 1/2 after the treatment)
I finally went to go pick up Nick and decided "what the heck, let's go to Fred Meyers for some ahi there".
Well that was more or less uneventful. Nick seemed to be acting somewhat odd but at first I attributed that to him just missing me.
As we left the nightmare began. I decided to stupidly try to carry the bags and hold to Nick at the same time. Big BIG mistake.
Right outside Nick was getting antsy and started showing signs of darting away from me. As soon as I let go of his coat he ran. Right across the traffic moving slowly in front of the store parking lot and was narrowly missed by a small red car.
Lesson learned. Never EVER try to leave the store with Nick holding my hand. Always bring him out in a shopping cart.
So anyways, that was not the minor annoyance. The minor annoyance is my Mom.
Nick being a 3 year old can sometimes be a finicky eater. He doesn't really like meat. He likes fresh fruit and vegetables. He likes cheese. He likes nuts and beans. He doesn't like casseroles.
She lately has been going on and on about how we NEVER used to be like that. We (my brother and I) LOVED hot dogs and macaroni and cheese from the box. We LOVED fish sticks.
Recently Nick has had a problem with bad dreams. I think this may be attributed to many things but mostly because his imagination has just suddenly taken off. Some of this could possibly be pinned on the fact that his Daddy is deployed but I don't think that is the main reason. Well my Mom goes on and on that my Dad was deployed but I never had nightmares and neither did Sean.
Next was me. I told her this afternoon about what the person at the Alaska Herb store said. That if I kept working like I do and never took time for myself then I'd find myself in an early grave due to a heart attack. My Mom grew silent at first and then said first "Well honey I can't understand that, I worked very hard while your Dad was deployed and I'm fine" and then continued with "honey, you can't die anyways because if you die before we do then your brother will get all the money and that's not good"
I just have to say this. My Dad began his overseas tours when I was 4 years old. My brother was 1. (or there abouts).
My Mom started work when my brother was in preschool, I was in grade school.
My Mom worked full time. Like my Dad non stop tells her, she has no clue. She has no clue how stressful life is working in a busy office as a supervisor while being the mother of a toddler and the wife of a soldier.
I'm so sick of my Mom implying that I have a stress free life and why am I griping because I have an easy life where I can sit at home and eat bon bons while watching Army Wives.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom. But she really has no clue what so ever.
Hell, my calendar regularly looks like it has chicken pox with all the dots representing appointments, things to do, etc.
Oh well, whatever.

Goals? Attainable or Not, that is the question.

2009-03-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

I think they are! Ed sent me today our goals for the office. 8 hotels booked for the office, per month and approximately 140-160 cars per month.
I admit, there will be sometimes when this one will be tough but still I think we’ll make it. On Monday I plan to start a tracking worksheet so we (actually more I but if Christina wants to peek in on it that’s cool too) can keep an eye on it to see our progress.
I called up Ed and told him haughtily that this is not a problem for us out here as we’re super awesome at which point he coolly informed me that the goals can be updated to different amounts. Thanks but no thanks. Not for right now anyways.
I’d like to have at least a month or two of smooth sailing before the new employee starts.
So anyways. I must admit, my outlook on life changes a tiny bit (hell…a tiny bit? More like a large amount!) when I’m not sick, when Nick is not sick, when my house is clean (Merry Maids stopped by yesterday. Ahhhh. My bathrooms smell so fresh and clean! LOVE IT LOVE IT!) and I have somewhat stress free days at work. I need more days like these. That all being said however, I desperately need some sleep tonight. I woke up, yet again, at 330am. This time it was my fault. First I kept coughing so I got up and got some water. Went back to bed and then after a few minutes of lying down I realized I had to go to the bathroom. So went back to bed again. Then tossed and turned and turned and tossed. I finally realized by about 5 minutes after 4 I was not going to be able to go back to sleep.
So I turned on the light and worked on reading the second Stephenie Meyer book; New Moon.
This one wasn't all that bad. These are definitely books geared more towards teens, not as much adults but at least it's a diversion. A break from the real world.
Today at work started out okay but then all the nutty, crazy passengers made an appearence. Passengers who would say they wanted to fly from this city to that but then would announce shortly after you have untangled what they want to do that they want to drive rather than fly. Or I got an Alaska Airlines representative who tried informing me that a ticket designated on Alaska can be exchanged for a ticket on Northwest. Ha, ha. Are the airlines really getting that desperate? That they want to trick us into making an error and then charge us with a debit memo? NOT.
Combine all this with a day in which my hearing or at least comprehending what people were saying to me made it rather difficult at times. Especially when I performed my usual trick. Helping a customer on the phone, advising Christina of some mundane rule or format, helping a customer at my desk and answering an email at the same time. Today I just didn't seem to have the full mental capabilities to handle all this.
Don't know why. Just did.

So it all ended with me and Nick getting home (he had an accident in his snowsuit while playing outside today), and then making the decision. Chicken and dumplings made at home with veggies or order out?
We ordered out. Taco King. Originally introduced to me by my loving and adoring and very handsome husband, this place has rapidly become a favorite. I love this place almost as much as Aloha BBQ. It always seems the hole in the wall places have the best "authentic" food.
So I ordered Nick a chicken quesadilla, me a lengua burrito with a side of mexican rice and beans and horchata to drink. Flan for dessert. I love their flan there. Muchos yummies!
Not exactly the best dinner to eat before a day at the spa tomorrow but I was tired of the greasy chinese food or pizza. I'll just make sure to drink lots of water today and tomorrow morning.
Darn, that reminds me. I have to pack Nick's bags for Super Saturday tomorrow.
Plus I have more laundry tonight because I don't want to leave it for Sunday because that means I'll have to race around like last weekend. Not fun.
Suprise by the way, Nick didn't like the horchata. Big suprise actually since horchata is so sweet. It's great for putting out the heat from jalepenos; super hot habenero salsa or fire grilled chilies.

Later......................
Nick has announced he really likes my car. LOL! I received a free minature dreamcatcher which I hung from my mirror while he pretended to "drive" in the garage which included him going "vrrrrmmmm vrrmmmm" and announcing "Mama, I really like your Jeep, your jeep is good to drive" Too cute.

The 6 month grumpies

2009-03-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've hit it. The 6 month grumpy period. The period when the deployment has just seemed way too bloody long. The period when you just contemplate throwing in the towel. The nights suddenly seem way lonelier, the days longer and tougher, and you wonder why in the hell anyone would enlist in the armed services (wait I should say mostly the Army as deployments for Airforce are 4-6 months; deployments for Marines tend to be about 7 months; deployments for the Navy anywhere from 4-8 months).

I realized this recently when I was griping at work miscellaneous subjects that were bothering me and Christina was griping about the weather. I forgot about the 6 month grumpies.

The only thing that reminded me was when one of my friends husbands was deployed and they hit that 6-8 month mark of the deployment. She came in the office and groaned and complained and griped like only a military wife of a soldier can during a deployment.

After she left I informed my coworker at the time. Yup, she's got the grumpies. She had hit that moment when she was just really sick and tired of the deployment even though it was her 3rd Iraq deployment.

Now does recognizing this grumpy period help me at all? Actually, amazingly enough it does.

This means that hopefully we are at the halfway mark. We're done climbing uphill(I hope) and are now on the downside of things. Does that mean that the way down is easier? Not really as any experienced Army spouse can tell you. Sometimes there are unique challenges that occur in the second half.

I must admit though I do feel a certain amount of gained energy. It's as if I'm walking that unbearably long road march but I've just caught my 6th or 7th wind (if there is such a thing).

A deployment is like a roadmarch. Soldiers are all too familiar with these. Numerous is the time that I've watched Edward pack his rucksack to get it at just that certain required weight.

A deployment is a roadmarch where the spouse carries an incredibly heavy rucksack while knowing she has a long way to march before the end. If she drops the rucksack or falls herself then it's that much harder to pick herself up and get moving again. The trick is to keep moving. Keep your pace up. Ignore the pain that you feel as you march further and further. Don't forget the objective. The finish line that slowly but surely gets closer as each day passes. Soon you're at the finish line (you hope if your lucky and the unit won't be extended) and all the sweat, tears, blood and all the hardships are forgotten as your soldier returns home, safe in your arms.

We go without....

2009-03-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

For 6 months, possibly a year, sometimes less than that, that we, military spouses, go without our spouses, our soldiers. Not just a few weeks, a month or two, but a whole friggin 12 months. Sometimes more than that.
We go without our "better half", our confidant, our best friend, our lover, or our fix it person and our go to person for a full friggin year.
Let me just summarize this in one word. Stress. Stress. Stress.
Stress dealing with that the whole world in our household is on our shoulders for an entire year. Stress in dealing with the things that happen against our household for that year. Stress in dealing with the fact that our loved ones, our spouses are living in harms way, living constantly with the threat of death over their heads. Stress in dealing with the fact that every day you could become a widow or a widower.
Like the David Bowie song, Pressure keeps ringing in my ears. I don't say this all to make anyone feel bad for me as we somewhat chose this way of life. I say it all to hopefully make people remember that we, who proudly serve also make enormous sacrifices in our life to ensure the freedom of others.
It's a tough life. It means that our soldiers, our spouses, our loved ones are missing things like children's birthdays, children's firsts, spouses tough times at homes, surgeries, etc. Military Murphys Law. Anything that can happen will happen when your husband is deployed, and trust me..being an experienced military wife I can attest to this one.

NO one outside of military life seems to understand this. No one! It's so damn easy for each person to forget the sacrifices that the soldiers and their spouses and family make. It's so DAMN easy! Why do everyday Americans just go on with their daily lives and so totally forget those who are paying for their damn freedoms that they SOOO damn take for granted! They go with a slight problem/discomfort in their life and suddenly their like "oh no! Look what is happening in my life?" Have we all just changed as Americans? Have we forgotten how we used to be? I think it's very likely we have, unfortunately.

Off my rant here however incensed I may still be. This is just a topic that angers me to no end. The atrophy of Americans and how they preach and push one idea and ideal but then they don't like to deal with the consequences.

I bought a Christmas Cactus today at Holmtown Nursery. I'm hoping this one turns out better than our poor Ficus that met a miserable and sad end. The cold that seeped through the windows proved too much for it unfortunately. I have been given reassurances that the Christmas Cactus is much better suited for the environs that I have placed it in. Mostly sunny window, cooler temperatures, almost no sun during winter. The gardeners at the greenhouse said this should be an excellent candidate for the area. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I have ended the lives of the parsley and Italian basil in out Aerogarden. It was becoming overrun with Aphids and I simply did not wish to fight them any longer so out they go. Plus I did not want them overcoming my one and only thriving herbal plant in a pot. (rosemary)
So now I will wait an additional 2 to 3 weeks and then I'll start my new garden. This time it'll be snow peas.

Okay so I finally did it

2009-03-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

I got over my stupid cowardly bit and finally watched all of Silent Hill. I've been watching bits and pieces recently but I finally watched the entire thing. It wasn't bad. Out of all the creatures/monsters I still like the nurses. Pyramid Head was kind of cool and I must admit I kept looking to see if I could see through his pants. Supposedly he was naked underneath and the cast and crew said that they enjoyed him walking around immensely because his pants were somewhat see through.
I tend to watch scarier, more violent movies when Edward is deployed. Maybe it's just because I'm under more stress so I am more drawn to violence? I don't know. But so there, I watched it. I definitely did NOT like the barbed wire up the dress church scene. That was a bit too gross for me. I ended up turning away at that point. Like I said earlier, I do not usually like really gross, violent and scary movies but from time to time I do watch them. Never, however when Nick is up and running around.
I have no clue what movie I'll watch next. I will not watch movies like Nightmare on Elm street, Halloween, or anything in that group. It's easier for me to watch movies where the creatures/dangerous characters are totally false looking or are just impossible in real life. Zombies; vampires; weird creatures with big hats on their heads; nurses in incredibly tight nurse uniforms with no faces are much easier for me to deal with than guys who walk around killing people with a mask on his face.

So anyways, this afternoon Nick and I are being homebodies as I'm still recuperating from this stupid flu and sinus infection. I've been fighting a headache non stop today which is frustrating me in the extreme. It feels like it's been forever since I was healthy. I miss not being sick.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to take him to the pool at the recreation center. The ice park is open and I'd love to take him there but I figure it's probably best if I avoid that one.
Tonight we're going super easy for dinner. Beef tongue with veggies and I figure I'll do that with some wild rice. Nick usually loves beef tongue and rice so this should shape up to be an easy dinner tonight.
By the way, I just have to say. How come it's so easy to find headcheese here in Fairbanks but I can never seem to find blood sausage? I miss blood sausage!

Late days and weird feelings

2009-03-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

Today was so so at work. It was more or less dead all day long, something that was more than welcome as it let me get caught up on a few things. Plus I'm still not feeling all that well so I was more than appreciative of the time to just sit, relax, read a magazine and talk to my coworker Christina.
Right towards the end of the day the (what seems like) normal Friday thing happened. Emergency leave. Leaving tonight or tomorrow. To Florida.
The way Emergency leave travel works from here in Alaska is the travel agent (US) has to get the travel cost under $995.40 which is the authorized amount from Fairbanks to Seattle (SEA being the closest port of entry). A beginning travel agent can do an itinerary from FAI to anywhere on the west coast and get this easily. An intermediate travel agent can easily get west coast, and Midwest pretty easily but the east coast is a bit tougher. Only the really experienced agents can actually get anywhere in the mid south for under that $995.40. This includes the states of Tennessee, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina. For some reason these states seem to have no really good military leave fares here. Don't ask me why but the airlines just don't seem to want to fly service members to any cities in these states for a good fare. There are times that I cannot get a service member into one of the cities in those states under that cost and I've been doing this for almost 10 years now!
Not to sound too boastful but I'm considered one of the best agents up here in Alaska throughout the CWTSato network and yet I sometimes have problems with BHM or TLH or CSG.
So anyways this customer was traveling to Daytona beach. Tough, really tough. She did add she could travel to Orlando if that helped. It did. A bit. Not much more than that. She still had to pay some out of pocket. I hate that when customers have to pay. Still though it was much better than if she had gone on her own. She said she was finding tickets for 1500 a pop so my 1100 seemed like a God send to her.

We finally got out of the office at 515pm. This meant we actually got out to our cars by 530pm. I didn't even get to pick Nick up until almost 6pm. Poor kid, he was the last one there.
We ran to Freddie's quickly as I was thinking I wanted wings with our pizza tonight. By the time we got home it was 630pm. God this is late for us! We normally get home by 530pm, have dinner no later than 630pm and Nick is normally in bed by 8pm. Tonight he was in bed by 830pm however he's still awake now and it's 911pm. Hopefully this means he'll sleep in tomorrow.
Oh and I think I forgot my antibiotics at work. Joy oh joy.

So while driving around this evening I kept getting this really weird, scary feeling. Like something bad was coming up. Last time I felt this, this strong was when my problem coworker was beginning to cause problems for me. I keep wondering what is going to come up now? I kept thinking "boy, is someone going to run into me? Is my house on fire? Is someone breaking into my house? Is one of us going to get injured?"
Now a days I'm always on red alert for something but when I get one of these weird feelings it makes me feel extra tense and on the ready. You know, the old Military Murphys Law. If something can happen, it will happen when your soldier is deployed.
With everything that has happened thus far in this deployment I keep telling Edward I'm waiting for the encore. You know the one where I arrive home and my house is burning down.

Sinus infections are so much FUN!

2009-03-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

NOT! I really can not wait till my acupuncture treatment on Friday! I'm really hoping to see a noticeable difference in my immune system.
I'm just so tired of being sick and tired. Really. It always seems like each time I end up catching a cold or something it always seems to turn into something truly nasty. Sinusitis, ear infection, pneumonia, bronchitis.
Of course this morning my Mom had to do the "I'm so glad you went to the hospital, you should've done that a week ago" bit. I keep explaining to her, sometimes I just can't leave the office. Period. No ifs, ands or buts. I can not. My office is usually really busy and while Christina can be left on her own for a bit there are still situations where she just freezes up and refuses to move.
I've tried repeatedly to get her to move, to take some action but she just freezes up like a deer in headlights.
Today that happened. She was booking a soldier to ICN from ORD. When I told her she has to use a US flag carrier she stated over and over again that there were no other flights other than KE. I really had to take a deep breath and not make some sort of sarcastic remark.
In the end I took over and booked the poor, confused guy his flight to Korea, and then booked his wife as well. It's always frustrating when she just throws her hands up and more or less just goes "there's no other options!", even with me in the background telling her "yes there are, just dig a bit deeper, look around a bit more".
Oh well. I get to look forward soon to hiring yet another person to replace Christina and then having to train them. Not fun. Thank God I've had years and years of experience training people. It's just a bit harder when you are doing three jobs at once.

The sacrifices we make

2009-03-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

We, being Military wives in general. Here I'm not ranting or raving how one service or the other makes a bigger sacrifice. (I've more than ranted enough about that one)
Today I spoke with one of the other ladies that work downstairs in MPD (military personnel department) and her husband is also deployed. Hell, most of the women who work on post who are married have their husbands deployed so that's nothing new.
Anyways, she and I got to talking and it seems that today was an especially bad day for her. Sick kids, bad day at work, childcare problems. Pretty much the norm for a spouse of a deployed soldier.
Yet it made me again be able to take a step back and look at all the things that a civilian takes for granted.
How us military wives tend to be so used to having to deal with all sorts of things while our spouses, the soldiers are deployed. Broken window? Fixed. Snow that needs to be shoveled? Done. Child/children who are sick with the flu while we are holding down a full time job? We're there. Laundry, cleaning, domestic duties while we're knocked flat with the same dang virus that our child/children just got over with. Completed with flying colors.
The things we manage to accomplish all the while every day many of us think of our husbands. Think what to send them in the next care package to the; worry about how are they doing; worry about their safety; worry because we haven't heard from them in the past week; etc. I wonder, do military spouses have a tendency to have shorter lives since we tend to worry so much more? Who knows.
I told Christina today that I was grateful that I did get to talk to that military spouse in MPD because it made me remember that we're all in this together. We all hate deployments. We hate the stress. We hate the going to bed by yourself every night. We hate the loneliness. We hate the "Military Murphys Law" that states that anything that can happen will happen while your spouse is deployed. We hate it and yet we all, somewhat willingly make these sacrifices over and over and over and over. Each time knowing the pain, the sadness, the loneliness and the stress that we will be going through. And yet we do it.
I wish sometimes that for a short while the Average American could walk in our shoes. They'd find them rather uncomfortable for sure.

Having problems here

2009-03-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

Figuring out if I'm healthy enough to do all that I'm normally able to do or not.
Each time I think I can get up and tackle all the normal junk. Oh you know, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, fixing appliances, cleaning up the garage, shoveling foot after foot of snow, etc. I get all weak and have to sit down.
It sucks, it truly sucks to be sick when you are the backbone of your family. It reminds me of what my Mom has always said "A Mother can never be sick" and yet I've learned the idiocy of that statement. If a Mother does not take time for herself every so often. Even when she is sick, well then she just becomes more sick, and soon she's not there anymore because she's just passed away due to the stress that built on her for years that developed into cancer.
Still though, I did manage to get 3 loads of wash done today, the vacuuming done (Nick loves rice but he is so dang messy with it!) and I got my bed stripped, washed and remade. Heck I even burped the darn thing. Does anyone other than myself know how hard it is to burp a bed by yourself when you are fighting the urge to cough non stop? Trust me. It's tough. I managed to only have one coughing fit. Not bad, all things considered.
I did not manage, however the shoveling. There is just no way I have the strength back yet. By Tuesday I most likely will.
The good news is I managed to actually get the Jeep out and in the garage. No small feat as the snow is above the bottom of the doors now. I sure hope those home owners who are overdue in their HOA dues are feeling pretty miserable now. The first thing that went when the home owners are over due in their dues was the snow plowing of our driveways.
I even more so hope that those who are overdue drive really small cars. Kind of like Chevrolet Cobalts.

The world will end.....

2009-03-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

If Sato does NOT stay open. Actually that's not exactly true. The world would come to a stop somewhat but I'm not absolutely certain it would end.

Today we had a really good size snow storm. In fact we've been under a winter storm warning since last night. I must admit I was pretty impressed by the snow fall we got. I'd say we easily got 9 inches so far today.

So today at work at about 130pm it was being passed around that they were possibly going to be closing post due to it. Well, that never happened. Many of the DOD civilians went home, including most of the supervisors, but us lowly travel agents were left behind.

We did our best to get the heck out of dodge exactly as the siren sounded the 430pm song. (I can never recall exactly the name of it).

I had Christina follow me home because I was seriously worried that she would never be able to make it home in her car. Her car is just not suited to the environment up here. She has a two door cobalt that is really low down to the ground and in this type of snowfall there is no way she would get very far without some help. So I had her follow me so I could keep an eye on her from my rear view mirror. As it stands tomorrow will be interesting because first I will have to figure out which vehicle to take. Edward's truck which is not as good in snow as mine but it's higher up therefore it won't get stuck or my Jeep which is much better in really snowy conditions but is likely to get stuck in any unplowed parking lot.

Then next I have to pick up Christina tomorrow morning. Her car is completely stuck in her driveway. It won't go forward or backwards. I'm imagining it will be stuck until springtime. I hope she thanks her husband tonight for that one. (he made the decision to get a car that was totally unsuited for a northern Alaska lifestyle)

So Nick and I tonight are camping out at home and preparing to eat our loaded bratwurst stew with shredded swiss cheese, (see recipe here...http://menuplanweekly.blogspot.com/ )along with toasted bread and homemade gourmet herb butter. I was going to take us outside to build a snowman but my boots are soaked. I really need to buy some new ones this next winter. My current ones leak like sieves.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

2009-03-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

I cannot tell you HOW tired I am of being sick all the time along with Nick. It seems like we've always got something that we're passing in between us. Most times it's a cold, sometimes a flu, sometimes a stomach bug. I can't wait till he gets older and his immune system is more mature just because I won't be catching every little cold or flu that happens to be floating about. I must say it's not as bad as last year but this year has still been pretty miserable for us.
So because of all this I made a call this morning to the Alaska Center for Natural Medicine. I told the receptionist all of my health problems that I've been having and she advised me it sounded just like I was over stressed. Plain and simple. When she asked me a bit about my life she reaffirmed, yup. The culprit is stress.
Well tell me something I didn't know.
So at this point I asked her what did she suggest? Who did she suggest I meet with?
Without a moments hesitation she suggested one of the acupuncturists on staff. So in a few weeks I will have a session for the first time with a acupuncturist. I really can't wait. However I'm almost thinking about rescheduling the appointment more towards earlier in the month.
The day I have it currently scheduled I'm getting my body wrap and my nails done.
I'm seriously finding myself getting run down more and more which is not good considering I have 6 more months of marching and trudging along to do before my husband may possibly return home.
Any more experienced Army wife will tell you, 4 to 6 months of deployed time is a cake walk. A year takes some careful planning, a bit more stamina, and a lot of patience. I'm getting better at the planning throughout this deployment and I have buckets and buckets of patience but stress has worn my stamina down to almost nothing.
Plus it has not helped matters that since Thursday I have been up at about 230am every morning. Last night it was nightmares that kept Nick up from 230 am all the way to 630am when I got him up for school. Still though, I'll go into more detail about that in his blog.
Thankfully I had Tuesday when I got to stay home in the morning while I waited for Sears to come and fix the darn washer (they couldn't find the problem, go figure). That was nice as I sat around that morning sipping tea, putting together a puzzle and just relaxing. That is something very unusual for me. Relaxing.
At least now a days. I used to be great about taking care of myself but I always end up putting myself last which I'm sure most Mom's out there can sympathize with.
Well all that being said, it's time to end this rant as it's Nick's bath time and I seriously need some sleep tonight. Plus of course Nick is standing in front of me whining that he wants to watch Mickey Mouse. No good as we both need to get off to bed.

Remember the troops

2009-03-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

My Dad sent this to me a while ago. My parents tend to be very pro military (it helps that my Dad retired from the Navy after 24 years!) and thankfully they are very supportive of my husband, especially during deployments. I can't tell you how good it makes me feel when they send care package after care package after care package to him in Iraq. Between me and them and a close friend, at least he knows that some of his family and friends are thinking of him and praying for his safe return.

Your cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.

You talk trash about your 'buddies' that aren't with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

You complain about how hot it is

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn't get to eat today.

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He does exactly what he is told even if it puts his life in danger.

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.

REMEMBER our Troops, and do not forget them LATER Lest we forget

WELL SAID

2009-03-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

This was in the Washington Post recently and I almost nearly cried while reading it. I must admit that most of the time when my husband is deployed I don't think about my problems, my loneliness or how much I miss my husband. I usually think and worry about how my husband is doing. Is he safe? How is his day going? How's his mood?
Still though this article brings to light something that is absolutely accurate, we military families along with our soldiers are the ones who are bearing the brunt of 7 years of repeated deployments to a war zone. It seems to me that is all too easy for the "average American" to completely forget that there are soldiers making sacrifices every day for them and that there are military families that are also making sacrifices. It's all too easy for those "average Americans" to say things like they're for Operation Iraqi Freedom and then go on their merry way as they completely forget about those who are now serving and sacrificing. How many boxes or care packages have been sent to a faceless soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan from that "average American"? How many "average Americans" tie a yellow ribbon around their tree?
Yes we chose to serve and we do (most of us) so with honor yet how easy it is for the average American to forget about the soldier and his family.

DAVIS: The unequal sacrifice of soldiers
Daniel L. Davis
OP-ED:
As a member of the Army, I have been deployed many times over the years into war zones and fought, sometimes intense battles. As a result of that service, I have been the fortunate recipient of numerous public displays of thanks from a grateful American public, received offers of dinner from total strangers, and been shown other acts of kindness and support. We in uniform are commonly lauded and praised as sacrificing servants of the nation, for which I have always been particularly grateful. But something happened to me recently that exposed an imbalance in that adoration that frankly left me humbled and a bit ashamed. I hope through the power of the written word to perhaps make a dent in that imbalance.
I recently traveled from Fort Riley, Kan., through Baltimore-Washington International Airport on my way to Iraq. This trip would only last 10 days, but was designed to set the stage for a successful year-long mission I'll undertake beginning in a few months with a team of 10 other officers and men. Because my wife Natasha and two fabulous, young boys live in the Washington metro area, I was given the privilege of spending a couple of hours with them between flights at BWI. When my six-year-old saw me at a distance, he came sprinting through the terminal and leapt in my arms; his one-year-old brother was following after him, waddling as fast as his little legs would carry him. Behind them was their lovely mother - a sight that would thrill any soldier. After a few enjoyable hours together, however, the inevitable time of anxious separation arrived for Natashia: her husband was about to get on a plane heading for a war zone. Holding back the tears, she took the two boys in tow and walked to the car for the long, lonely drive back home where soon she would have to begin a 16-month voyage as a single parent - again. At the end of my tour in Iraq, we will have been separated because of Army deployments 43 out of the previous 60 months.
Shortly after my wife left the airport, I sat waiting for the next leg of our flight contemplating what lay ahead. I remembered the very genuine and enthusiastic applause our group of 15 uniform-clad soldiers had been given aboard the Southwest Airlines flight from Kansas City and felt a bit buoyed. But then my thoughts returned to my wife who was still on the road heading home. She had been given no applause. No one had offered to buy her a meal. No one told her how much they appreciated her sacrifice. Instead, while we in uniform get all the public accolades, unbelievable support from organizations like the USO, and are taken care of in the war zone by our government better than any army in the history of armed struggle, my wife gets only endless days of loneliness, anxiety, and the burdens of single parenthood.
She has her own full time job as a nurse. She has to take the kids to school and daycare every day. She has to come home at night and give them the attention they deserve (and demand). She has to be a compassionate mother, a disciplinarian dad and fix the leaky faucet. She has to do everything, by herself, alone, all the time. She gets no days off. She has no intimate confidant, no family living nearby, and has none of the emotional support a woman needs (and deserves). The more these thoughts permeated my mind, the more I began to squirm in my seat at the growing realization of the imbalance in how equal sacrifice is not being equally recognized.
As I began to share these thoughts with some of my fellow military travelers, I discovered that my situation was quite common, at least among the people I talked with. Only one was making his first deployment to a war zone. They all recounted the sacrifices and suffering their loved ones have made over the years. Those left behind to fight the battle of the home-front live every day with the realization that their husband or wife serving in a war zone could be killed or wounded.
It is sobering for me to realize that since Sept. 11, 2001, the United States has lost more than 600 soldiers in Afghanistan and nearing 4,200 in Iraq. The total wounded are well over 45,000. Have you ever stopped to consider the anguish, the mental turmoil suffered by the wives, husbands, and children of those nearly 50,000 total casualties - or the hundreds of thousands of others that wonder every day if their deployed service member will be next? I have heard many leading politicians over the years proclaim, "I understand what the families of our service members go through," but with all due respect, they don't. I don't.
Until you live in their shoes every day for the duration of a combat deployment, none of us can truly understand the full measure of what they suffer. At least we in the military get the pat on the back. But what notoriety do our family members receive for the silent sacrifice they make? Other than comments that are frankly mostly rhetoric ("Army families are a top priority to us!"), there is virtually no recognition.
And yet I can tell you without reservation - as, I dare say most other deploying service members would - without the heroic sacrifice my wife makes at home while I'm in the war zone, I wouldn't be as effective on the front lines. Therefore, I suggest that this unfair imbalance of recognition cease immediately. Toward that end, I respectfully request the following of both the American government and people: First, that the president of the United States commemorate a special, unprecedented medal for the husbands and wives of American service members who have deployed into war zones in recognition of the invaluable service to this nation they have provided; second, that Congress pass a joint resolution recognizing the silent sacrifice and extolling the indispensable support those family members have provided to our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines who have served abroad in time of war; and third, that the government of the United States host a grand and glorious parade for the wife or husband (along with children, of course) of every American service member who has deployed in support of a war zone. This parade route should start at the Pentagon and wind its way down the National Mall, past the Lincoln Memorial and the White House, culminating on the steps of the Capitol. Once there, the president would give a speech extolling the immeasurable contribution to the American way of life these family members have made and then he would symbolically present them their medals in one mass presentation.
The parade would take place on Sunday, 7 June 2009 - roughly half way between Mother's Day and Father's Day. Such an undertaking would no doubt prove to be a planning and logistical nightmare, and I genuinely appreciate that complexity. But many of these wives and husbands suffer years of privation and complexity. A little recognition from the people and government of the United States is certainly in order.
While I request our government leaders honor our service members' wives and husbands and agree to be the host of the parade, I call on the people of America to participate as well. It has been said that no one ever asked the people of the United States to sacrifice in support of the war effort; let me now change that.
I call on Americans to expend some time, energy, and money in finding the wife or husband of a service member who has deployed into a war zone in support of our country. Maybe it's a family member, maybe it's a neighbor, maybe the friend of a friend. Seek out that man or woman. Tell them how much you appreciate their sacrifice on our behalf. Take them to dinner. Offer them free child-care once a month so the spouse gets a chance to breathe, or take them a home-cooked meal so, at least once, they don't have to eat drive-through because there wasn't time to cook between baseball and dance practices.
I'd like to see major corporations like Exxon/Mobil or Shell provide the gas necessary for the wives or husbands to drive to Washington to attend the parade, Coke and Pepsi to provide drinks during the parade, McDonalds and Burger King the food and for American Airlines and Delta to provide free or discounted travel so those outside driving distance could come to the party. These are but a few ideas. I'd like to see some of our nation's movers and shakers use their considerable talents in figuring out how they could make even a one-time sacrifice to honor those who have paid so much on behalf of all of us during this time of war.
The wives, husbands, sons, and daughters of our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines have carried the water for this nation - and for the deployed service members themselves - for seven years and counting. They continue to pay what no price tag could ever measure, have suffered mostly invisible emotional torment struggling to be everything and everywhere at once, and undergone night after night of pained loneliness that few could imagine. I think the things I've requested are actually the least we could do to recognize their heroic sacrifice.
Maj. Daniel L. Davis is a cavalry officer in the United States Army who has fought in Desert Storm, Afghanistan, and Operation Iraqi Freedom.

A headache from hell

2009-02-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up, wait, let me go back. I was WOKEN up this morning by Nick at 4:30 am because he needed to go potty. Toilet trained toddlers are great however I sometimes find I miss the days when all I had to do was change a diaper. Still though, at least I don't have the cost of diapers every few weeks so I'm not going to complain too, too much.
After Nick went potty I ushered him back to his bed where I hoped he'd fall back into the arms of the angels again. Nope, the angels were not happy to welcome him back it seemed as 30 minutes later he gets up again but this time he says that now he has to throw up in my potty.
Nothing ended up happening so I began attempting to bring him back to his bed once again but this time he said he wanted to sleep with me.
Now we don't cosleep in our house but I do let him cuddle with me in bed sometimes. Usually when he says he wants to sleep with me it ends up with him playing with my hair, nose, face in the dark while saying over and over "My Mama, I love you Mama, you're my friend Mama, you're pretty Mama, etc" and then within 10 minutes he announces that he wants to go to his bed to sleep.
So after 10 minutes of the normal playing with my hair, nose and all he announced he wanted to go back his bed. He did but didnt fall asleep for another 45 minutes or so which means I don't fall asleep for another 15 minutes after that. Needless to say I didn't sleep much after Nick waking up the first time.
Now I'm fighting non stop a headache from hell that does not want to leave. I hate getting headaches as they tend to stay with me and stay with me.....and stay with me.
It takes a lot to remove a headache. A full combination of tylenol, excedrin, motrin, caffeine, relaxing with a glass of wine, etc. It's never the same combination which is really frustrating. So today I've tried caffeine, tylenol, and motrin. None of those have done it for me.
At one point I had the jitters from all the espresso I had drank. Joy oh joy. Jitters on top of a headache is even less fun!
Good news is I've got dinner started, I just ran the dishwasher and am currently enjoying watching Andrew Zimmern on Bizarre Foods in Hawaii.
Okay first let me just say, I love and miss Hawaii a lot! I wouldn't want to live there again but I'd love to visit again. I just like my seasons too much to live there. I really love the food, the people, and the slow, laid back way of life. Heck I even miss hearing the local speech used there.
So anyways he (Andrew) just tried the poi. Too funny, he hated it! Poi is so delicious! That and in Maui he tried Spam Musubi (people remember it's pronounced MOO SUE BEE). I so miss all of those. Spam Musibi we can get here in Fairbanks as there are a lot of people from Hawaii that live in Alaska but Poi is pretty uncommon here. Even at my favorite restaurant in downtown Fairbanks.
Well anyways, I'm off to try my next combination to see if it's going to be possible for me to get rid of this dang headache once and for all as I can feel the pain radiating down the right side of my face and moving down to my shoulder and arm. Not good. Not good at all.

days at home with a sick kid

2009-02-27T17:40:00.000-08:00

Okay I must admit I do like the time off every so often. It allows me to get things done in the house. You know, those domestic little things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Still though it was a rather boring day here filled with me looking up recipes for menudo (found one I liked), doing laundry, sharpening knives (I sharpen mine every 5 months or so to keep them sharp), calling up companies, paying bills and most of all tending a poor 3 year old with a stomach virus and a fever.
Thankfully the 3 year old proved to be rather easy to tend as the other items took a bit more attention.
Anytime I'm at home and am not sick myself I tend to use these days as the days for me to get things done, to handle issues that cannot be resolved during a normal work week and to clean and repair things that are needing it. Thankfully I have employed a maid service so I don't have to do the basics like floors, bathrooms, kitchen, etc. But I still always have a long list of things that must be repaired, corrected, cleaned, etc. especially since my husband deployed.
In the old days when the soldiers deployed that is what the rear detachment was for, or even the men that were left behind that were either too old or too young, to fix things. Now a days many of us military wives, we fix it all. Cars, houses, appliances, nothing is above many of us. Or at least some of us. Of course like I ranted before there are a large number of military wives now a days who take the "I'll just let my husband fix it when he returns in 8 months" approach but many of us just understand that "hey, this needs to be fixed, and it will be fixed now".

So anyways, I've managed to get dinner started this morning (pork chops in white wine sauce with stuffing and green beans for the curious out there), and I paid the bills, sewed up some sheets for my bed, did some ironing, did 4 loads of laundry, along with several hunts to look for some really authentic menudo recipes. I think I found one that I really want to try. I really love truly authentic food! Nothing makes me more excited. Well maybe a few things do but not much.

Unusual moments of peace and solitude....and then...

2009-02-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

Today I had another full day (almost full that is) of jury duty. We stopped for lunch at 1215pm and I wasn't really in the mood for the sandwich I brought with me and plus it was so pretty outside with the snow falling heavily but oh so gently that I decided to walk down the road a bit to one of our favorite restaurants, Aloha BBQ. Last year we discovered this place and just fell in love with it. Today reminded me why.
Upon entering the small, cramped restaurant I found a seat facing Noble street where I could watch the cars and pedestrians walk by and almost immediately the waitress came over and asked me what I would like to drink. I love the green tea here so that was a no brainer for me. Within 5 minutes I was content as I was sipping the piping hot tea, eating the tasty, complimentary soup that they serve before the main meal and watching the snowflakes peacefully falling while reading my book. Oh, off topic, I finally succumbed to the Twilight hysteria that has been sweeping the nation so I just started that book.
Soon, Edward IM'd me and while I ate my absolutely delicious kalua pork, sticky rice, macaroni salad, kim chee and egg roll Edward and I talked about how our day was going.
I cannot tell you how peaceful it was. Quiet music in the background, the sound of the other diners talking with one another, the sounds from the kitchen and the snow falling peacefully outside which reminded me of how chilly I was when I walked in but now I was just warm all over. This restaurant always seems to do this to me. During winter I always seem drawn to this place as I always leave with a wonderful feeling of contentment and warmth.
So then, I finished my meal with reluctance and then headed back to the courthouse to finish up the day.
Luckily we were released at 2:45pm but me being an honest sort of person, instead of going home or going to pick Nick up from school I headed to work. This turned out to be the right decision as I got to work at 3:30pm with just enough time to deal with a minor crisis that would've been a big one had I not been there, talk to a few customers via email, make a reservation or two, work some queues and also talk to my supervisor in Anchorage about recent developments in the Ft Richardson office.
Suddenly at 4:20pm I received a call from Nick's am teacher saying that Nick had thrown up twice and to come immediately as he was inconsolable. So I wrapped up some last minute things and then raced as fast as the slippery roads would let me. Upon arriving, I could immediately hear Nick screaming so I quickly gathered his things and then I carried Nick out to the jeep with Kathy trailing behind me with Nick's bag of blankets, pillow, dirty clothes, etc.
Thankfully I prepared the office tomorrow for another day without me today so Christina should be all set and the jury now knows that they will have to contact an alternate for the three cases we were to hear tomorrow.
And I, will be tending a sick child, yet again, through the night and next day. Joy oh joy.

Jury duty

2009-02-25T19:52:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of serving. Of course it was supposed to be my 4th but those who follow what's going on in my life know that last week I injured my back so I was not able to serve.
Let me just say today has given me a rare gift. A better appreciation for the justice system, more knowledge of how things work with Alaska courts (for instance I now know the difference between Assault 1 versus Assault 3, I know exactly how one can get a DUI Felony charge against them and I even know some of the differences in charges regarding murders and attempted murders), and also a feeling of amazement at the stupidity of some criminals.
First let me just give everyone a run down on how the whole "jury system" works here in Alaska.
There is the Grand Jury and the Petit Jury. The first step of course is the police coming across the crime. Next they compile their evidence and then bring it to the Grand Jury. (which is what I'm serving on). The Grand Jury listens to the DA present the case, then however many witnesses are needed come in and give their account of the incident. After that time we start asking questions. Most times it's just for clarification or just to request further details.
Finally, after all witnesses have been presented and the DA has had one last chat with us jurors we are left in the room, off record, to deliberate. We are to decide if the charge against the defendent is a "true bill" or not. This will mean we are signing the paperwork to either let someone go or to indict them. If we choose true bill then the case goes to trial and the Petit jurors will then sit in on the case and decide if the accused is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
So that's it in a nutshell.
Most of the cases we listened to today were assault 3 felonies but we had one DUI, one attempted murder, and one drug case.
I can't say much about the cases as that would be against the oath I swore at the beginning of the month in front of the judge however, amazingly enough, the case I thought would be the worst was actually the most interesting. Most of the day was spent with us all yawning quite a bit. That and then getting up from time to time after Madame Clerk announced "off record"
At those small recesses we would get to get ourselves fresh cups of coffee, stretch our legs or wait for the next assistant DA, and every so often one of us would announce "I really need to use the restroom!"
Still though, at the end of the day (we got out at 420pm as we finished up an assault 3 case) I must admit a certain excitement to go see Nick and just hug him and be thankful that I have him to go home with.
After all that's said and done I must admit to a certain excitement to see what tomorrows cases will be. Of course I know most of them will again be the boring, yawn-inspiring, watching the clock or the birds flying around downtown Fairbanks type of cases but still there will be the satisfaction later that maybe, just maybe you made a difference.
That maybe someone who truly deserves it will go to trial and be convicted or maybe someone who is innocent will go free.

I don’t know if I should be excited?

2009-02-24T19:14:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I have jury duty. I was supposed to serve last week however due to a back injury I did not serve. Instead I was laid out like a drugged up mackerel on my couch.
I don’t really know if I should be happy, sad, indifferent, anxious, or what. I know I’m seriously worried about the office. Running my office can sometimes be moderately easy but most times it’s pretty challenging. There is always something going on in our office. Something new that has changed, something that has broken and needs fixing, some sort of aged receivable that has miraculously shown up after 6 months that needs to be fixed now or a customer who is irate because Alaska airlines won’t schedule him another flight that doesn’t leave at 125am.
It seems like any time I leave the office a crises occurs. The lead (aka site manager) of the other office once told me after I accepted this position that “I didn’t know what kind of mess I was getting into with this office”. She’s right. There is always something going on here.
I could be in the office for 6 months straight, not miss a day and then BOOM! I miss a day and the whole world comes to a stand still. Bills are now all wrong, customers are now all irate, equipment falls apart, Sabre is now down (because they obviously knew that I just took off today!), and to top it all off we have a transportation supervisor that needs something from me 15 minutes ago.
Ahhh such is the life as a supervisor of a government travel office. Still though I wouldn’t give it up. I worked a long time to get to a full management position and even though I’m not a full manager since I don’t have the HR side (not that I’d be super thrilled if I did) I still feel pretty happy that I’m at where I’m at in a large, reputable company that is known worldwide and I’ve made it to a supervisor position by 32 years old. Travel is a hard industry. You can’t get in without experience, yet how do you get experience without getting in? Of course, I got lucky and got hired by Cheaptickets who I badgered and pestered until they interviewed me for the sales floor. That was my foot in the door. There ain’t no way I’m leaving now.

So anyways, I got off track. Jury duty. The nice thing is the jury clerks have advised me that I can bring my Lufthansa lunch sack, my water bottle and my knitting needles so I can work on that darn scarf that I started recently. Nick picked out this really nice yarn and said he wanted a scarf so I started it but I haven’t had much chance to work on it as it’s been at work. My time to do anything personal at work is usually slim to nil. That includes potty and lunch breaks!
I just hope we don’t get any really, seriously nasty cases that we have to listen to. It’s one thing to watch the making of Silent Hill along with clips of it or The Mist or whatever but true crimes tend to bother me somewhat. It just bugs me the things that people do to each other.
Well I better end this. I got a few moments here at work to thankfully jot some things down before I head to the chaos of home. Anyone who has children knows all about this one!

That was such a joke

2009-02-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

Okay so today reaffirms my belief that many times church goers simply cannot throw good parties. Or maybe they seem fun to those who like that type of fun but to me this was the hokiest (jeez, did I spell that right?) time I have had in some time.

We had tickets today to Nick's daycare's "Hawaiian Luau". We got there a bit late as it started at 2pm and we arrived at 330pm. Upon walking in right away I'm assaulted by several people wearing some of the loudest Hawaiian attire I've had the displeasure of being exposed to, unhawaiian music (think more like the type of music you would hear at a cheap resort in the Caribbean), and then Nick and I were both presented with cheap flower leis(okay, now I'm really not expecting to have been presented with real leis as those would be ridiculously expensive here in Fairbanks Alaska) and then given our Hawaiian passports and then sent on our way. I figured "hhm don't know what to do so when in doubt get some food and eat".
I started serving Nick and I some food. All they had was some fried rice with all manner of veggies in it (corn, peas, carrots), some sort of sauteed kielbasa dish, a mock version of teriyaki chicken and then kalua pork.
I ended up scooping up some of the fried rice, the chicken and the pork and completely left alone the kielbasa.
Well thankfully I got small servings of each as each was uhhhh pretty nasty. All of it was cold, the chicken was underdone in parts and overdone in other parts. The pork was grisly, fatty, and greasy which was UNwelcome to my stomach. Especially being that I've been eating healthier since yesterday's massage.
The fried rice was odd tasting and again cold. Also no refreshments at all were present in the main chapel room. No water, no juice, nada. I did notice later that they had unsugared lemonade out in the foyer which Nick and I gulped down thirstily later on. We somewhat snacked on what we had on our plate while watching several of the people attempting to do the Macarena without putting their hands on any part of the body that would be considered suggestive. This made them look like they had created they own new version of the Macarena which was actually kind of amusing to watch.
So after getting bored of this Nick and I threw out the remnants of our thoroughly UNhawaiian and UNtasty meal and then headed back out to the foyer to get some cake and finally some lemonade. The cake was so sugary that I was really thirsting for something, anything wet this point to wash it down so we drank glass after glass of rather bland lemonade.
After just about finishing half of our cake I threw the remainder away as I felt if I had one more bite I'd be sick. At the point the macarena dancers had now started on the chicken dance, the hokey pokey, and YMCA. Woohoo! Let's get down!
Okay so what next? We wandered around for a few minutes looking for things to do when someone told us that we could make necklaces over at a table over on the side of the room. Since I didn't know what else we could do I opted for this and we headed over.
Okay, this I can imagine is great fun for kids 3 1/2 and up but for most adults this would be extremely boring. Think of how exciting basket weaving would be? I think this would equal the excitement level of putting little foam colored items on a string with a small child.
After about 10 minutes of this great fun I called it quits and announced that it was time to head to the santuary of our own home where we have much more amusing things to do and plus since our dinner here was completely unsatisfactory I was going to have to make dinner at home.
So all in all. The ticket for me and Nick was a total of $35. Aloha wear for Nick was $30 with shipping and handling. All spent $65 for an unhawaiian meal that was cold and was greasy, a slice of overly sugary cake, 2 cheap flower leis, a cheap plastic hat that Nick destroyed rather quickly and a cute little necklace that Nick and I made together.
The most amusing thing about the entire thing? All the men and women dressed as if they were attending Sunday service with a flower here or there (after all they couldn't show up to a Luau in they're Sunday best and not have at least some sort of something with a somewhat tropical looking flower somewhere on them). That and those individuals that were present who were dressed in absolutely the most colorful Aloha wear I've ever seen. It reminded me of walking down Kalakaua avenue and seeing all the OBVIOUS tourists who stood out like a sore thumb.
Even more hilarious was many of those people dressed in the really colorful stuff looked as if they had at least 15 servings too much of all the food and the cake as they were busting right on out of their clothes.

The only thing I really have to say that I'm thankful for is that for some odd reason I had the idea to marinate some chicken today. So upon arriving home I was able to simply pull the chicken out that I had been marinating and pull out my George Foreman grill, pull out some frozen veggies from the freezer, and then steam some rice.
I think next year I'm going to give the daycares chef a few pointers. Or who knows, maybe those that attend this church just really love that type of food, so maybe in that case I should keep my mouth shut.

It's amazing how a day of pampering can change your outlook

2009-02-21T17:12:00.000-08:00

Today is what us military wives or actually Military Moms call SUPER SATURDAY. This means free childcare for our kids for an entire day.
Today I used this for me. All for me. I got my nails filled, a pedicure, then a hot stone therapy massage. The nails getting filled was the same old same old other than I got to go to my favorite person, Jessica. At least I know when I go to here that I won't get shabby work or even worse, that she'll tear up my fingers in the process of doing my nails.
Next I looked at the clock and decided "Well hell, I've got time. I'm going to get a pedicure. Now I truly love people messing and rubbing with my feet so within 30 minutes I was sitting in the chair almost falling asleep. The nail technician kept giggling at me and saying "You like that? Feel good yes?"
All the while I was nodding happily. I left there happy but a tad bit hungry. No bother though, because I was off to the best part of the day. I thought as I drove to my Hot stone therapy massage appointment "hhm what for lunch later? Tako King? Ah heck, I'll make up my mind later"
I arrived at my appointment pretty early. Even earlier than I expected because I forgot to update my calendar on my phone so I arrived 45 minutes prior to my appointment. I wasn't too worried though as the receptionist made sure I had plenty of water and reading material to keep me occupied.
Soon my massage therapist came out, greeted me and then we headed down to the treatment room. I can't tell you how good it felt to be surrounded by the smells of a spa. I've been getting massages since I was about 21 years old when I went through several reconstructive knee surgeries and the smell of a spa, the lotions, the oils, and the candles all tend to bring a sense of calm to me.
So anyways, onto the massage. I've had a hot stone therapy massage before and this time I again was not disapointed. This one was a bit different but still felt great the regardless.
Towards the end of the treatment my thoughts again drifted to lunch. What to have? Hhhm. Oddly enough Taco King had lost it's appeal. Now it was salads and water I was craving.
Well in the end I did manage to get over to a local grocery store, pick me up a salad, some other greens, some water and some fresh gorgonzola cheese for dinner tonight but not before I scheduled myself for the next Super Saturday.
Next month I have to look forward to a vichy shower then followed by an exfoliating pineapple sugar scrub. To finally be followed with a coconut body wrap. I should come out smelling like a pina colada but feeling soft, supple and full of patience and good will towards all.
I can't wait!
So now I sit, with my munchkin next to me while we watch the Neverending story and I'm drinking water, we're munching on some nuts and I'm feeling rather tired and yet energetic.
Even though I'm tired (since Nick got me up at 5am due to an accident he had in bed) I feel as though my batteries have been recharged. I can I feel, once again, be the type of Mom I like to be.
I feel like I've been transformed from something made of barbed wire and broken glass to an actual human being. I like it.

A rant

2009-02-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about this earlier and it's just bugging me so I figure I'll just come here and rant about it.
Military wives and how some of them annoy me.

Not everyone, just those who do one of two things. Those military wives who sit there and while their dear soldier is deployed say "Oh I'll just wait for him to come home and then he can fix it" This can apply to almost all things. Okay it's one thing to say that during a short (think 1 to 2 months or less)deployment but when it's a year long stint then that's a bit too long. I've heard some military wives say things such as this and I'm just left at my desk shaking my head in amazement at how wimpy, how fragile, and how ignorant these women are.
Sorry but in my book if the vehicle breaks, fix it. If something about the house is going wrong, fix it. If it can't be fixed and you don't own your own home, MOVE. I don't care if "oh my, it's too difficult". You're a military wife which equals tough. Can't be tough enough for the military lifestyle? GET OUT.
I know of older, more senior ranking soldiers whose wives pulled the "It's too difficult" line and frankly I'm amazed. I expect something like that out of a younger, newer and more green spouse but someone who is more experienced?
If there is a problem with the kids, fix it. If little Johnnie is misbehaving or asking uncomfortable questions either discipline him or answer his questions. Don't friggin sit there and think "Well I'll just leave this for his Daddy"

Next,
Those military wives who like to consider them a FULL military wife even though the longest they have ever been away from their husband is approximately 3 months or less. I guess this one should apply more to Army wives than military wives. I have heard some Army wives whine and moan that they have it so tough because their dear soldier is going to be off to some school or other tdy for 30 to 90 days and boo hoo, he just came back from a deployment. Boo hoo, whine and moan. Deal with it. Fact of Army life is that your loved one will be gone out of your life for a significant chunk of time.
We did our time, are still doing our time. Soon this will be behind us and yet I still know that I'll hear the occasional military wife crying because their husband is deployed. YADA YADA YADA.

Those who know me somewhat know that I was outspoken about the 172nd extension and that was mostly because of the way it was done, not because it was done. Of course that never came out in the press because the press just wanted to sensationalize it all.
Did I want my husband home, yes. Was I upset that they got extended, yes. But I was furious at the way it was handled. Like a bunch of specialists who got together while playing cards and said "Hey wouldn't it be cool if we did this?" while not taking all factors into play.
Oh well, I'm sure I'm getting into dangerous ground ranting like this but I just get annoyed by so much I see now a days. The Army, oh it is a changin. However from what I can see the changes are definitely not good.

Snow days

2009-02-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish we could actually move to an area where people are more wimpy. Where when it snows everything closes. Yeah, I'm off today however that is due to my back, not just because it's snowing out.
Still though, I know if we did move back down to the lower 48 then I'd be sitting there yelling that everyone is so darn wimpy. Fairbanksans have a tendency to be tough and usually that suits me just fine.

Christina at work tends to complain that people here have lower standards. Yes somewhat they do, yet the people are tough here. They're used to having to make due.
I really love this approach. Yes I admit I do miss soup and salads at Olive Garden and I miss shopping in large malls but I love the simplicity of living in Fairbanks.

So anyways I have to comment on this one. I cannot help it. This was on the radio recently and it's been in a few newspapers.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, an unwed mother, has spoken out against teenage pregnancy, but says her famous mother's advocacy of abstinence is unrealistic.

I absolutely agree with this one. I'm sorry but to tell most teenagers "Don't do it" and expect their child to actually not do it is extremely UNrealistic. Yes there are some children that will listen and follow through with what their parents want but I'd be willing to bet there is a higher percentage of kids that still go and do what their bodies are telling them.
How many parents actually have told their teenage daughter or son "Don't do it" and their child actually followed what the parents said. Seriously?
I just know this. With my own son, yes I will be telling him I would prefer him to abstain however I'm going to be realistic.
So off that.
You know I write these things with the hope that I can come back and laugh at myself later. (grin)

So today I'm taking some time for myself and am watching all my saved up Anthony Bourdain, Biggest Loser, Bizarre Foods and Amazing Race shows. I love my DVR now a days. Really. It is so awesome. I never have time to watch these shows unless I record them and then watch them on a day like today.
Those who know me really well (like my wonderful husband and my Mom and Dad somewhat. I only say somewhat about my parents because they know me but there are facets now to my personality that they don't quite get)
know that I love trying new and unusual things.
I am a firm believer in the idea that if you want to get to know about another culture/country the best way to go about it is try their food. Yes it may seem gross,nasty, etc. to look at and yet how do you know how it will taste unless you try it?
Another thing that gets me is how hard it is to find offal cuts! And how expensive those cuts are!
I cannot believe how expensive tongue, tripe, liver, intestines, and brain are. Well brain I haven't found too much. Tongue, tripe, and liver are more common here but still expensive.
Beef Cheeks are really easy to find here. They're not my favorite as they're really fatty but it's not bad. They're best braised but I've tried cooking them in a crock pot and it turns out okay. If I did see brain here I'd love to try it. That would be pretty cool. Some of the food on Bizarre foods or No Reservations looks absolutely yummy. Christina told me that Safeway had a whole pigs head recently. I would've probably tried that.
I really feel that if you're going to kill an animal for food then it's important to use the entire animal. Not just the tenderloins. Maybe I feel like this because my Dad was raised in a Romanian family with an Uncle that owned a traditional sausage shop. They used everything.
This grosses my Mom out to the extreme (which I get quite a bit of giggles out of).

Well okay.
So now I'm sure I've grossed out everyone with talk about eating intestines, tongue and all so I'll move onto the next subject. Roasted Tarantulas! JUST KIDDING!
I kind of draw the line at that one. I'm somewhat afraid of spiders so it would be pretty tough for me to even get close to trying this.

Okay. Time to get up again to check on the dryer. Nick had an oopsie this morning as his pjs he was wearing fell into the toilet this morning right after he had gone pee. EWWW.
Now a days I prefer him to wear two peice pjs rather than full pjs as it's easier when he needs to go potty.
Joy. Soon I'm also going to have to get up and work on our taxes again. Fun, fun.

Okay last bit.
Deployment. Thankfully we are now at almost the halway mark. That is if everyone comes home when they are supposed to. Everyday I pray that not only will they come home when they're supposed to but also they'll get the year of down time that they need. Yet with President Obama pushing for more troops in Afghanistan I know that there will be a big chance that many troops will be shorted.
God, I cannot wait till our time has run out in the military. I'm so tired of deployments.

This just came over on Facebook

2009-02-18T19:50:00.000-08:00

And since I'm still waiting on our dinner to be done I'd thought I'd do it too.
How much have you changed in 10 years.
.) How old were you?: 24
2.) Where did you go to school? Didn't go to school in Hawaii. Unless you count my training period with Cheaptickets.
3.) Where did you work?:Cheaptickes Inc
4.) Where did you live?: Honolulu, HI
5.) Where did you hang out?: Karoake bars, the Hale Koa Pool ordering drinks and getting tan
6.) Did you wear glasses?: Yes
7.) Who was your best friend?: My hubby
8.) How many tattoos did you have?: None.
9.) How many piercings did you have?: none
10.) What car did you drive? Toyota Celica
11.) Had you been to a real party yet?: Oh God yes.
12.) Had your heart broken?: Nope
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Married 5 years
FIVE YEARS AGO
1.) How old were you?: 29
2.) Where did you go to school?: Jefferson County Community College
3.) Where did you work?: Carlson Wagonlit Travel
4.) Where did you live?: West Carthage NY
5.) Where did you hang out? Many places to keep my mind off dh's deployments
6). Did you wear glasses?: Yes
7.) Who was your best friend?: DH
8.) Who was your regular-person crush?: HUBBY
9.) How many tattoos did you have?: None
10.) How many piercings did you have?: NONE
11.) What car did you drive?: 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee
12.) Had you been to a real party yet?: Way too many
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Married: Married 10 years
1. How old are you? 34
2.) Where do you work?: CWTSato Travel
3.) Where do you live?: Fairbanks, AK
4.) Do you wear glasses?: Yes
5.) Who are your best friends? Hubby, Corinna
6.) Do you talk to your old friends?: A few..
7.) How many piercings do you have?: None
8.) How many tattoos?: None
9.) What kind of car do you have?: 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee; 2002 Ford F150 Supercrew cab
10.) Has your heart been broken?: NOPE

Thanks to some unknown back injury

2009-02-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

I am at home today. This is kind of a good thing as it's allowed me to catch up some, relax some and I even got to talk to Edward today. That was nice.
Unfortunately I had to reschedule my maid service for tomorrow as I need to stay at home at least tomorrow so I can have one more day to recuperate.
It's 430pm now and my back is still tender but at least I can move. Still though, that's with the help of all the pain meds they have me on.
I plan to take another really warm bath tomorrow filled with epsom salts and take it easy but then I've been excused from jury duty till next week so I'm going to head back into the office on Friday no matter how I feel.
You know I told the doctor today that due to the whole jury duty bit I actually was really willing to bite the bullet and admit that "yes, I can't always be a heroine". I can't always be super tough, the tough lady who fights through deployments while single handedly tackling broken trucks, noisy jeeps, broken heaters, sick children AND horrible aches and pains and illnesses. It takes a lot usually to knock me down but today, thanks to jury duty I willingly threw my hands up and said okay, fine. I'll take a down day. Especially since it was somewhat due to the doctors own insistence.
Good news is I did get some things done, even with a hurt back. I fixed the laptop so now I can actually type without a space bar and the letter d missing. Cut the heck out of my hands but I still did it.
I listed the verizon phone cards on facebook in hopes that they'll sell. I really don't want to have to list them on ebay/swapgift/etc. There is no guarantee that they'll sell and then I'll have to pay to list them.

Oh and I also got Nick's new moose pj's! I laid them out all nice for him so when he comes home he'll see them. Drat! Maybe I should've washed them? He's probably going to want to wear them. Hhhmm.
Darn. Plus I'm going to have to go in a bit and pick him up.
(not literally that is!)

long time in coming

2009-01-31T01:11:00.000-08:00

I hate it when I don’t write for a while. It’s so hard to get started again. I know I’ve said that over and over before but I really do hate it.
Jeez, what do I say? So much has been happening that it’s hard to get caught up.

It’s even harder now because since I don’t have access here to my blog and then at home it’s extremely difficult to write when Nick is running around.
Plus some of what I’d like to say I cannot say due to OPSEC. So what should I ramble about?

How about work.
God, that’s a touchy subject in all sorts of ways.
I’ve been warring with the transportation offices about who is authorized to travel, what they are authorized, the fees that CWTSato charges, are passengers authorized changes or not, or does that just depend on who you are?
Then there’s Christina. The new hire who I thought when I hired her would be a perfect fit but now it just seems like she’s another young adult who fits into the “that’s too difficult so I don’t want to do it” mold.
This applies to such things as using something like Format Finder, studying the Sabre guide when she’s not doing anything, or even something as simple as using Encode/Decode to find the closest airport to a military base.
What makes me laugh or chuckle somewhat to myself is she’s constantly in the habit of giving me calls that she doesn’t want to handle because she’s losing patience with the passenger or the customer who she feels is disrespecting her or talking to her in the wrong way or simply the passenger who is a little uncertain about what he or she is doing and is therefore not making sense.
This means that about 60% of the calls I make.
Then I’m handling all the groups, the everyday stuff of a supervisor, and then training of Christina.
Now I’m not griping I think too too much. After all this is my job. Mostly I’m just griping because every time I suggest that she do this or that I’m met with resistance and a whine. That’s too hard! I don’t like that! I don’t want to do that! I don’t like her so I don’t want to talk to her! Whine, whine, whine.
Amusingly enough this includes such things pertaining also to her pregnancy. The doctors tell her she needs to drink more water. Whine, whine, whine. “But I can’t! I’ll get sick! I can’t drink that much water!”
Oh well. I’ve more or less thrown my hands up and said “Oh well, she’s an adult so she can deal with it. And if she can’t she can try to run to her hubby who will try to control the situation from Iraq”
Also I’ve caught her recently in the act of being late. She kept telling me that “noooo she was getting in on time” and yet I would arrive at 740 to find her just sitting down at her desk, purse still on her desk, computer still completely logged off and she’s just taking her gloves off. Martin and Walter have called me a few times to ask what was up so I know. Well now I really know. The past few days I’ve done everyting in my power to get here at 730 at the very least. Each day she is not here. Not till anywhere between 732 to 735.
So next. I really have to admit, Jennifer may have thought I was nieve, young or unexperienced but I'm nothing when compared to poor Christina.
Some things that she says from time to time just leave me shaking my head and going "HUH! !&^#@ WTF!"
It just makes me wonder, was I ever EVER that immature! If I was, well then thank God to those who did not strangle me at the time.

Changes

2009-01-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a moment when you feel yourself standing at the edge of a precipice? You can either go the safe, reliable way, the way you've already known because you've just came from that way. Or you can jump. And change your life.
Oddly enough, the past two days that I have not been feeling well and so I've been at home. I've had time to sit and think.
It's time to make changes. All sorts of them.
I'm sitting and almost crying as I say goodbye to my previous life and move to a new way of living.
Still though it's time to move forward. Time to jump.

That said I just want celebrate a victory. I made the mistake at the beginning of the cold spell recently to not keep Edward's truck plugged in and turned on every day for 24 hours. So yesterday I resolved to start it. Well of course, it didn't start. TODAY it did.

This weekend I'm going to shift the vehicles so Edward's truck will have some "warm up" time in the garage.

Recently I discovered that I had lost my coupon caddy with all my coupons. So I bought a new one off Ebay. Now I have to use it each time. It has a calculator, an organizer for coupons, minature scissors and a small wallet.
I've also went and printed out loads and loads of coupons. I'm a little frustrated at the types of coupons that are out there. They're all for processed foods and stuff! Why are there never coupons for fruits, veggies, healthy meats, things like Kashi, etc.
Why can you find more discounts when buying Burger King and Mickey d's than you can buying apples, pears, avocados and tomatoes? It's stupid! It really brings the point that that movie "Supersize me" tries to show. It's cheaper to eat junk food.
So off that rant.
I also had the brilliant idea of cashing in our points from one of our credit cards and then I'm going to use them for grocery shopping. Combine that with the gift card from Edward's sister and I won't be spending anything on groceries for the next month or so.
I do have to get my Jeep fixed but I figure I'm going to wait on that a bit.
I keep sitting here thinking what else can I do to save money? What else?

Next goal............weight loss.
I know tonight is going to be a fitful night as I'm still not completely up and moving but by Thursday morning I should be completely good.
Back to lifting weights. Back to Yoga with Nick. Tai Chi on the weekends. Water. Water. Water. Frozen fruit since fresh is so damn expensive.
Now please let me stick with it.

Yet another thing to happen

2009-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Military Murphys Law
Anything that can happen will happen when your husband is deployed.

This time it's the heat. When it's -40 below that's not good.

This morning I noticed something odd. It was chilly in my house. Really chilly. Mostly just downstairs. Didn't think much of it since I turned the heat down last night before I headed to bed. So just adjusted the thermostat and went about my day. By lunch time the uneasiness had set in. Why was it NOT getting warmer. In fact it was getting COLDER!.
I figured out that the heating downstairs has yet again gone out. It's most likely the zone valve that has again gone out. Thankfully the heating upstairs and in the garage is working so I'm somewhat relying on those but I'm also using the oven to good use as I've pulled out every baking recipe that I've wanted to try for some time and I've been going crazy in the kitchen as I make scones, banana nut bread, shepherds pie, etc. If I had know that this was going to happen I would've started some sourdough bread to rise this morning.

I'm not too worried about Nick and I as like I said the garage and the upstairs is still warm. Well that's an overstatement. The garage is comfortable. The upstairs is nice an warm. Last that I checked anyways. The heating company said the soonest they could be out is by Sunday mid afternoon or Monday as they have several jobs ahead of us.
I figure we can hold out that long but if it gets too bad, too cold then I'll give em a holler again.

Happy NEW Year!

2009-01-01T22:44:00.001-08:00

Yup, last year is over thankfully, next year has begun. Normally I would be excited and yet...I'm not.
Part of it is the (I think) the normal fear one goes through when ones loved one is deployed (what if he/she doesn't make it through this year?) but part of me is afraid of what this year has as it's challenges. Last year was a tough year (sans vacation) for Edward & I due to my work and coworker issues. I'm just so worried as to what this year has in store for us.

Will it be a peaceful year, full o' plenty, or a year fraught wit strife?

Didn't have time to relax but.....

2008-12-27T21:02:00.000-08:00

I did manage to get quite a bit done instead. Not as much as I wanted by any means but I still got a lot done in between my last time writing and now.
I actually got two weeks of meals planned out on my meal planner part here. Then I also looked into why my cell phone never audibly tells me I have an appointment pending, (found that answer), I managed to shrink by way of cutting and then sewing down one of Nick's blankets and sheets. They were too big since they were made actually for a twin size bed and of course Nick's bed is a toddler bed.
Next, I managed to add loads of appointments or other things to my calendar that I need to remember to do.
I also managed to update Nick's playlist so it will NOT play Boowa & Kwala songs.
All that being said I did not manage to call up some auto repair places to find out if I can bring my jeep by soon for service. That means I'll have to do it on Monday or Tuesday at the latest.
Oh one thing that it feels that I have accomplished that is a VERY bad thing is it feels as if I'm catching Nick's cold. So I will be taking Zinc tonight as well as drinking a big glass of Airborne tonight before bed. There is no way I can deal with a cold right now.
Next weekend I have to take the tree down and I can't do that all by myself when I have a cold. It's tough enough to put it up, but it's more physically demanding to take it down, especially with Nick running around.
I'm about to put on my calendar when the MerryMaids will service our house and then after that I can have some relax time.
Thankfully tomorrow I don't have as much to do since I've already done most of it. I do need to make out a grocery list but that doesn't have to be done right now.
Life is good when I get caught up on stuff. It makes me feel like I'm more prepared for whatever problems lie ahead.

Christmas, stomach bugs and other useless junk

2008-12-27T14:57:00.001-08:00

First let me send out to all a Belated

Myspace Graphics

So anyways. I stayed up way too late Christmas eve. That made me feel groggy and yucky Christmas morning but then what was worse is that my stomach was not liking anything I put into it. Other than liquids. I really was not looking forward to cooking a turkey and then having to eat it. Still I did however. Thankfully Christina left early as I went to bed right as soon as Nick was in bed. I, of course, ended up having to get up all throughout the night to make hasty excursions to the bathroom which left me shivering and running back to my bed as I was drenched in sweat. When I heard Nick's labored breathing at about 3am or so I decided I better handle this now, so I got him up and sat with him in the bathroom to let the steam help open his throat some so he could breath easier.
Yesterday I was still feeling quite horrible however I knew I had to make a show of feeling somewhat okay as Ken, our contractor was coming over to fix our closet door that Nick broke this past summer. He did show up at about 1pm or so. Fixed it within 25 minutes or so and then only took a $25 check in payment for the work reluctantly. Ken is a retired army guy. He's really a sweet guy. He's helped me so many times that I cannot even count them. He reminded me if I need anything else fixed to just call him and he'll be over to help me out as he explained to me that "hey, you're a military wife with a child and your husband is deployed. My wife's been there too and I know I would've liked knowing that someone was helping her too." Nice thing about Ken is that I do not get any certain "vibes" that he's doing all that work for ulterior motives. He's just doing it because he's an honest man who just wants to help someone out. As it is I had to convince him to take the money. I didn't want him to just work for free!
So good news is the closet door is fixed.
Laundry is almost done now. Homemade turkey soup is on the stove, bubbling softly and filling the air full of yummy roast turkey smells. House is more or less clean, thanks to the MerryMaids staff. The only other things I have left to do is just plan out our meals for this next week. Even that will be pretty simple since we're just going to be using up leftovers. We've got lots of them. Loads and loads. I just told my Mom today that I know by the end of this week I will be so TIRED of leftovers. I will be craving fresh veggies and fruits like crazy!
After a while I get tired of eating casseroles, hastily heated up meals, and other foods that are not exactly good for ones diet but are good for someone who is super busy and doesn't always have the time for the really nice meals. Like the ones I used to put together.
So in a bit, actually after I finish this blog, I'm going to call some places to see if I can't find some place that is open on a Saturday that can take a look at my Jeep as I think the fan belt needs to be changed.
Also I still have to get the two captains chairs fixed from our dining room set. That will probably not be till March possibly. We'll see.
Well I have to end this. I still have one last wash to put in, I want to clean up the spare bedroom some as Nick was playing in there earlier and he tore it all apart and I was thinking about taking a bath and then maybe playing the Sims or Spore or SimSocieties or something. I don't think I'll have time for all that though.

Winter weather

2008-12-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

The topic today was flight delays; flight cancellations; and angry passengers.
Thankfully it wasn’t all that busy other than that.
As you can tell, of course, as I’m writing my blog right now at work and then I plan to send it over to home so I can copy and paste.
I miss this you know, writing my blog at work.
Sometimes it’s when I’m thinking the clearest. After all, I don’t have Nick running around, I’m not exhausted from a long day at work, and I’m not rushing to cook dinner, entertain a toddler, cleaning up some mess that has occurred in the house, etc.
Only bad news is I’m always up to something here in the office. Especially now a days. Now a days it seems like our office is always busy. Only as of lately, with the Christmas holiday, that we’ve been slower. That being said however today we’ve been deluged with passengers who are stuck in ANC, FAI, SEA and a few other locations.
I’ve got the news clipping here:

Thousands of travelers stranded at Sea-Tac Airport; rain in sight
Tim Klass/The Associated Press
Originally published Monday, December 22, 2008 at 7:02 a.m.Updated Monday, December 22, 2008 at 2:52 p.m.

The Associated Press

SEATTLE -- Thousands of travelers remained stranded by snow today across the Pacific Northwest, but help in Western Washington should arrive in the form of rain by Christmas, the National Weather Service said.
Before then more freezing cold and snow could bedevil residents and travelers.
With schools and many government and private offices closed, Monday's commute was slow but light in Seattle, as a storm that dumped 8 to 12 inches on the city during the weekend tapered off by midmorning.
One man died when a car went out of control on icy State Route 105 and slid into an oncoming pickup truck Sunday near Westport on the Pacific coast. Aron Damaranville, a passenger in the car, died and both drivers and three other passengers were injured, the Washington State Patrol said.
In Marysville, about 30 miles north of Seattle, the roof of Whitley Evergreen collapsed and part of the 200- by 600-foot modular building assembly plant came down Monday, triggering sprinklers and causing a natural gas leak, Fire Department spokeswoman Kristen Thorstenson said. No injuries were reported.
Alaska and Horizon airlines, the West Coast's principal carriers, resumed limited service Monday after thousands spent the night at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, where hundreds of flights have been canceled since Friday.
Seattle remained largely snowbound. Metro transit bus service was limited to about half the regular routes, and many of the hilly city's secondary streets were blocked off.
Across the state in Spokane, snow was forecast for the rest of the week, with another 3 inches due Monday. But the National Weather Service dropped or downgraded most warnings for the state, leaving only a hazardous weather outlook for the Cascades and parts of Eastern Washington after midday Monday.
Jerry Osborn, an architect who usually commutes by bus from Capitol Hill to West Seattle within the city, said he had been driving because of the unreliability of transit service since the middle of last week.
"It's actually kind of fun to drive around because nobody's on the road," he said Monday, nursing an early coffee during a stop at Seattle's Best Coffee in the Pike Place Market.
"It happens about once every 10 years," Osborn said. "It does seem that the city ought to find a way to function for its citizens."
A bane for some was a boon for others.
Ralph Goldman, toting a snow shovel as he stopped for coffee at Starbucks store in a QFC grocery early Monday, said he and two fellow handymen were going from business to business offering to shovel snow and finding no end of takers.
"It's good. I can't complain," Goldman said. "I wanted the snow so much. It keeps me happy."
At Sea-Tac airport, spokesman Perry Cooper said stranded passengers were given water and blankets, concessionaires had adequate food for sale and there were no reports of temper flare-ups. The airport normally handles about 900 flights and about 90,000 passengers a day just before Christmas, with Alaska and Horizon accounting for about half the flights.
Many stranded passengers will spend another night in the terminal, Cooper said.
"We're preparing for that. Yesterday we distributed over 130 cases of water," he said. "We had over 2,000 blankets we distributed to our more vulnerable passengers. We're working with the Red Cross to get some more sleeping cots."
Flight cancelations also were reported at Portland, Ore., and Spokane international airports.
Monday morning, there were long, snaking lines at virtually every ticket counter at the airport. Some travelers said they had spent 12 hours waiting for a ticket agent, taking turns sleeping while others held their places in line.
Much of the available floor space was filled with families huddled and trying to sleep under light blue blankets. Walking space was at a premium.
The baggage claim area was littered with mounds of unclaimed luggage 6 and 7 feet high.
Bonnie Fong, 21, said she struggled to get to the airport on time Monday, only to find her flight to San Francisco to visit her family for Christmas had been canceled. The first available confirmed space, she said, was on Sunday.
"I guess maybe I'll talk to my mom and see what she wants to do," Fong said. "Maybe I can take the train or something."
However, Amtrak's Cascades passenger train service remained shut down Monday between Eugene, Ore., and Vancouver, British Columbia. Gus Melonas, a spokesman for Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad, which operates the tracks, said partial service might be restored Tuesday.
Amtrak operates four Cascades trains daily between Eugene and Seattle and three daily between Seattle and Bellingham, including one in each direction extending northward to Vancouver. Officials had hoped to restore that service Monday.
Amtrak's long-haul Empire Builder and Coast Starlight trains were still running, but Melonas said long delays were possible.
Bus passengers bound for Washington and Oregon were stuck for as long as three days in Salt Lake City because of road closures and hazardous conditions, Greyhound Lines Inc. spokeswoman Abby Wambaugh said. Greyhound terminals in Portland and Seattle were closed Sunday.
Slightly rising temperatures were expected to produce snow turning to rain with highs in the upper 30s Wednesday in the Seattle area, but little melting is expected initially, said Andy Haner, a weather service meteorologist.
More rain and melting, interspersed in many areas with nighttime freezing, are likely Thursday and Friday before temperatures rise into the 40s and the rain increases over the weekend, Haner said.
Gowthaman Ramasamy, who works at Seattle Biomedical Research Institute, braved a bus ride Monday morning from Redmond to Seattle, even though he expected few other workers to show up. Ramasamy said he is involved in malaria research, and "the parasites need to be fed every day."
The tiny creatures that cause malaria live in human blood, supplemented by some chemical compounds, he said. Ramasamy said he expected to see at least one other colleague in the lab, the woman in charge of feeding the rats.
"She has to be there, I'm sure."

And here's one off USA Today:

Escape from Alaska? Airline seats out in short supply

ANCHORAGE (AP) — Leaving Anchorage for the Lower 48 will be a challenge this week for anyone who doesn't hold a ticket.
Travel agencies confirm that flights to Seattle were booked as of Wednesday night. Seats also were unavailable to Minneapolis or Chicago.
Industry analyst Terry Trippler says travelers who need to leave should keep checking schedules and consider flying standby.
A scarcity of seats on flights out of Anchorage during the holiday season is a regular occurrence.
Many Alaskans book holiday trips early or fly out on a quiet day, such as Christmas Eve.
The annual squeeze may have worsened this year because United Airlines pulled all of its flights between Anchorage and the Lower 48.

So anyways. Tomorrow the maid service comes to clean my house! Let me just say “Woohoo” for houses that are cleaned by maid services! It’s so nice to come home to a nice clean house. A nice spotless house, a house where the carpets look all fresh and clean, the furniture is all polished, the cushions all fluffed, no dust on light fixtures, well you get the idea.
I’ve found it actually makes it easier now for me to get to things that normally I wouldn’t even think to handle. Like cleaning the oven, and fixing small issues in the house. This weekend I’m actually going to sew all of Nick’s blankets and sheets down to a size that will fit his toddler bed. (he currently has twin sized flat sheets and twin sized blankets on his bed)

Sudden moments of clarity

2008-12-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

Today I ended up having to stay home with Nick again. I did drop him off at school but then received a call by 830 am saying that I needed to come pick him up as he just threw up again. Joy oh Joy.
So I rushed like mad to get everything done at work, or I should say as much as I could get done, and then rushed like mad to get to Nick's daycare.
We got home and so far he's managed to keep everything down but so far he's had a very simple diet of water, juice, hot peppermint tea liberally sweetened with honey and ginger ale. Oh and toast, crackers and warm chicken and stars soup.
Meanwhile I went through a really cold period where I ended up cuddling up on the couch with the blanket covering me while sipping hot chocolate.
After a quickie lunch, I ushered Nick upstairs for his nap and then proceeded to download Season 6 of The Biggest Loser to my IPOD.
I got tired halfway through the downloads so I decided to lie down upstairs and ended up taking a 30 minute semi nap.
At this point it was 3p, time for Nick to get up so we got up, went downstairs and suddenly it's as if something has changed.
I've been realizing that I was getting way off track with my goals. You know, lose weight and pay off bills. In the midst of constant problems arising at work, things breaking at home, crisises arriving daily in Nick and my life I lost sight of what I wanted to work towards.
I was just living day to day, surviving the best I could. Not really caring about my health. Caring enough about Nick's health to just keep him healthy and that was about it. And paying no attention to our accounts, and paying no attention really to my whole weight loss goal.
That's kind of sad isn't it?
The neat thing is I've now realized it so now I have to take the next step. What am I going to do? Am I going to go back to the day to day rut, almost like falling back asleep or am I going to get up and start running with it.
This afternoon after Nick got up I actually waxed around my upper lip and my eyebrows and now I've got a mineral mask on (much to Nick's amusement).
Tomorrow I intend to get up early and work out (hopefully) on my elliptical machine.
That and I intend to make a few changes in my life to hopefully organize it a bit more.
I'm going to try planning out our meals again each week. Starting tonight.
I'm going to look on the GCI TV guide to figure out what shows to tape. Heck I have a DVR cable box, I might as well use the darn thing!
I have, ever since the maid service began, have had the time to get to a few extra things done. The cord covers for the bose speakers are up, I went through the kitchen last night and tossed a lot of things out. Christmas cards are about done and I'll be sending the rest out tomorrow.
Christmas presents are wrapped and hidden. There are a few that are still on their way as there were some issues with the shipment of them. Candy for Christmas stockings has been purchased. I still have to get the turkey but I can do that on Saturday or Sunday.
Things are hopefully looking up. It's a relief and yet I sit and wonder what will break next? What will happen next? Which way will the creme pie come from so I can dodge it?

Catching up

2008-12-17T17:49:00.001-08:00

Thanks to the ridiculously expensive maid service that I hired I now have a bit more time to do things like think about my life, my sons life and my husbands life. It also, of course, helps that I took today off since my son was sick. So that being said, I actually got laundry done, I filed some, went over our finances and just picked up around the house. Not exactly "cleaning" the house. Just picking things up, putting things in their proper places, reducing clutter, etc.
It's nice to be able to do that from time to time.
Looking over our accounts is pretty depressing as we've accumulated a lot of bills in the past two years but I'm hoping if I have time like this, time to take care of things like this, that I'll be able to concentrate on the bills and pay things off.
It's hard to pay off bills or even think about paying them off when you don't even know what is due.
Finally I'm getting to the point where I can actually look to see what is due and all. What frustrates me thoroughly however is that in September when I was trying to get this all organized I was not successful. Now I'm having to work harder during a time when I just don't have the time to organize things like this.
So off that.

I cannot wait to see what things are like in the office tomorrow. I know it's going to be hell.
Anytime I take off, whether it's for half a day or a full day I come in to an office that is torn apart. So if I do take time off now a days I have to work 3 times harder than normal to restore things back to its normal crazy pace. Well at least I don't have someone trying to get my job and get me fired.
Instead I have someone who constantly amazes me. It's funny how often a customer comes in and Christina is suddenly blind or the phone rings and Christina is suddenly deaf.
Or even more hilariously, (and this has happened quite often) at the end of the day the invoice printer has now jammed up and we now have 13 to 20 invoices to REprint. I tell Christina (as there are several customers waiting to be helped) that we're going to have to reprint these invoices before we leave. She just nods and goes "Oh okay" and then gets right back to sitting and looking professional as she also tries to avoid the customers eyes so she will not have to help them.
She is getting better but I can tell this is the first time that she has truly been in a "Professional" environment. All my fault, of course, as I was the one who selected her. I still hope that she will become what I first saw in her. A hard worker who tries hard to pick up new things and tries to excel at her job.
The past few days I've caught her coming in late. She thought she was getting away with it but I either would call the office as I was heading in at 735am or so (no answer) or I would actually watch her walking into the office as I arrived at 745am or so.
Funny thing is the past 2 days that I came in early she was very uncomfortable as she realized she had just been caught being late.
I think she's just one of those types of employees who needs constant supervision, needs a supervisor to tell her exactly what to do. Kind of like how a woman has to lay out each step normally for a man. You can't just tell a man usually to "do this chore". Instead you have to usually lay out each step vocally in order for the task to be completed correctly.
Not that that is a bad thing. Women have their drawbacks too. I'd be the first to admit that. At least men are usually straight forward. You usually don't see men backstabbing each other that much.

Well tonight I was going to have portobello mushroom burgers but now I'm just not in the mood for it. I don't know what I'm in the mood for but mushroom burgers are just not sounding good.
hhhm. I'll have to check online to see if I can find something easy and tasty to make. I'm almost tempted to make chicken and dumplings but lately Nick and I have been having that quite often as that is a quickie meal.
I'm really tempted to order out but I want to save the 30 bucks that I would spend on that for something else.
I have leftover beef tongue, leftover raisin gravy, leftover whole wheat rotini pasta left but I'm not in the mood for that either.
I've had that the past few nights. I'm so tired of leftovers. That's all we've been eating lately. Leftovers.
Yet most times that's all I have time for.

So off dinner. I have had funeral ceremonies for 3 of my plants recently. The euclyptus, the basil and the chives have all been laid to rest. God rest their souls. (JUST KIDDING)
The bugs were going after them non stop. The basil had some sort of bug that I'm not certain of as I couldn't find even one bug yet the leaves have slowly but surely fallen off one at a time. So I turned that one out to the cold before it could infect the others. Next was the chives. Aphids got that one. The eucalyptus was simply due to lack of adequate sunlight. I did salvage some leaves that I can put in water to boil so that way we can get some nice healthy steam from them if Nick or I have a cold.
I still have my parsley, lavender, rosemary and mint. The only two that aren't looking too bad are the rosemary and the lavender, surprisingly. The mint has spider mites attacking it. Each day they suffer attacks from giant sized fingers that smoosh their webs, too bad for them.
As for the parsley, it's really leggy looking for some odd reason.
Darn, I gotta get moving on to dinner. I never even realized it but it's already almost 530!

Okay so between that last post...

2008-11-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

and this post our BRAND NEW aircleaner from Sharper Image crashed. All it does is display little blinking lights.
I swear each night at LEAST one thing will break. Excuse me now while I take gasoline and a match to my house so that way NOTHING ELSE WILL BREAK!
To all out there, I'm kidding of course. I'm just frustrated to no end. Last night it was the sink. Tonight the air cleaner. A few weeks ago the DVD player. After that the cable box didn't work with the tv. The oven is dying. It barely gets hot now. That is unless you put it on broil. Then it gets up to about 375 degrees or so. Jeez! What else can break?

Sad days

2008-11-24T18:40:00.000-08:00

Is it the holiday spent without my hubby? Is it extreme stress? Is it being overworked? Is it the fact that I have almost no time to myself to just take care of myself? I DON'T KNOW!
I just know I've been so exhausted, so down, so just wanting to throw my hands up and scream. Yet I don't. Instead I do as I tend to do when I'm extremely pushed to the limit. I open a bottle of wine. Not good.
It's not a healthy habit, and it's really not good for Nick to see his Mama drinking all the time.
I'm just so sad. So worn down. So exhausted.

Maybe if I write it all down here then it won't seem so horrible.
First, being in the office by myself. That wasn't all too bad. It was stressful, especially knowing that I could not get to every single customer since I can only work so fast. Still I found ways around that one. I had everyone email me rather than call me. That way I could do 2 to 3 things at once. It did leave me working most times straight through my lunch but otherwise it was doable.

Then I finally got my new person, Christina. The very first thing that happened was of course her car problems. This was within the first week. That lasted 3 weeks which culminated in my telling her that if she does not get this issue fixed I will report her tardiness to Ed which will then result in her losing her job. She did get it fixed somewhat but still has issues with it. Hilariously enough her husband told her to keep cash on hand so the taxi cab company can give her a jump. At $25 a pop possibly every day that breaks down to $125 a week. $500 a month. Oh yeah, they're saving money by the way with owning a car that gets great gas mileage. LOL
So next, Christina is pregnant. Not a big deal but she's very thin. That wouldn't worry me too much but I watch how much she eats. She eats less then me and on a good day I eat approximately 1300 calories. I know I will try to push her to eat enough for her and the baby but if she doesn't heed my advice(and the advice of the doctors) then she's going to find major issues later.
In the end Edward and I have both agreed that I (I should say "we") have done our best for her so now it's time to let these two adults make their own errors as her husband does not want to listen to any advice. Edward has said that this soldier is a control freak and that the soldier says "He's got the situation under control" I told Edward that yes indeed he does because his wife is allowing him to have that control. I told Edward that I wouldn't be surprised if Christina's husband said "JUMP" and she jumped.
So in this case the best I can do is just let go and only take action if it's affecting the office.
In the past it has affected the office so the part that almost makes me the most sad is her husband is bound and determined to see poor Christina in a menial job as a sales clerk or a housekeeper or whatever. Oh well. Not my life. Can't do anything about it. You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
Next. I have fallen behind absolutely and completely. The bills, the everyday housework, the everyday household chores. The phone calls to this or that company. The vehicles. Everything. At this point I'd almost need a week of time off just to catch up. I did some catch up today as I called companies (like AT&T), then I did a load of laundry. But mostly I did something that I probably should not have done yet I could not avoid doing it. I sat and read. Or I laid down on my bed ....and read. Part of me screams at myself "How could you allow yourself to do that!?! You had an entire freakin day to get stuff done! Yet I'm just so exhausted that I couldn't stop myself.
So the dusting, the bathrooms, the kitchen. It's all a mess which means I'm going to have to race tomorrow night and Wednesday night to get all that done. I definitely don't want Christina coming over to an extremely messy house.
You know the most horrible thing about all of this? I used to be so organized. Now a days I'm so behind that I don't know where I need to start. It's like I have loads and loads and piles and piles of things to do and yet I don't know which one to start on first. It's frustrating in the extreme. I even got my new blackberry in order to help me organize things somewhat but even with that I'm not fully using it yet for it's intended purpose. Why? Because I haven't had time to set up hardly anything. Actually that's an exageration. I have set up some appointments. Nick's 3 year old check up. Nick's birthday party at school. December 6th I have an appointment to get my nails filled and hair cut. December 20th. Nails backfilled and Christmas shopping for Nick.
I can't remember much else right now. It gives me a headache to even think about it.
It's all just so darn depressing. It's not as if I want my inbox to be completely empty. Just not quite as full.
As it stands I know I've been going backwards on my progress on losing weight. I can thank the wine for that one.
I did manage today however to also call the Maid service. Merrymaids. They're definitely expensive. I'm hoping we can afford them. I'm going to do everything to try to reduce our bills so that we can. Otherwise I will be living in a house that will be deteriating slowly but surely. For those who watch my menu blog, you'll even notice that that is falling to the wayside.
Will it ever end?

Takin a break

2008-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

So after finishing a quickie entry into Nick's blog I signed into Sabre because I had nightmares all last night about two of my passengers not being able to catch their flights because we had never gotten their orders. One of theirs was issued, the other one not. Oh well, better than nothing.
Next, came downstairs, got the white wash out of the dryer and put in Nick's wash. Got Nick's blanket, pillow and stuffed whale ready to be brought to school tomorrow. This weekend I'm not even going to try to go for the things like washing floors, cleaning bathrooms, etc. Just vacuuming and laundry.
So now I'm taking a break. I know that it is almost 3 and I won't be able to watch much of it but I turned on Resident Evil 3. I really miss the days when I could watch Edward shoot all the zombies. Amazingly enough it was a stress release watching him shoot all the bad guys. So, in my longing for all that I turned on the movie. I'm going to have to turn it off soon though. This is one movie that Nick will NOT be watching anytime soon. At least not until he is 17 to 18 years old. It's much too violent.
So in a few I have to get up, make myself lunch for tomorrow, start the rotisserie chicken for tonight, clean the artichoke and put in a pot of water so I can steam it. We are NOT eating as late as we have the past two nights! Last night we had oxtail soup and while it was yummy we didn't even eat until about 7pm or so.
Nick loved the soup too, thankfully. I didn't make the bannocks simply because I did not feel like making the effort to make it. No worries though, we just had wheat bread dinner rolls with butter instead.

God I do not want to go to work tomorrow!!! I am seriously getting burnt out and fast. I keep feeling like if I could only just have a moment or two to catch my breath then I could get moving again with more vigor and motivation. But instead every day I'm left gasping and hoping for a break.
Just one full day by myself, one that is not spent with me running to and fro, not spent running errands, getting this or that fixed. Just one day. That's all I ask for. I'd love to have one day that maybe I could get my hair cut, or get a massage or go to the gym and camp out there for 2 or 3 hours or even just time to sit at home and maybe even just play a game on the computer. I haven't simmed in almost forever and I've played Spore once or twice but just long enough to get some filing done and that was it. Therefore I was still working. God, I'm tired. Agnes from Sparkpeople was right. I'm getting worn down. Before Edward left I would get worn down throughout the week but then I would recharge somewhat during the weekend. Now there is no recharge time. Nada. Well no, that's over exaggerating. I do have quick moments. 15 minutes to take a bath, 30 minutes to lie in bed and read a book, 20 minutes to quickly check emails and logs some things into sparkpeople.
Please Lord, lead me to the right way. Show me something that will make all this tolerable.

Recently our DVD player broke. Figures. Military Murphys Law. Anything that can happen will happen when your husband is deployed.
So Edward told me to get a Blu Ray player. I was shocked at how cheap regular DVD players are now a days! Still I got a Blu Ray player. I tried hooking it up but all I got at first was grayscale picture. I did have sound but but it wasn't all that great.
So I called Sony and they told me I needed a HDMI cable. Of course all this type of technology is new to me so I was like "Wha? A Wha cable? I did manage to pick up that cable (two of them actually) and then I found I was having problems hooking the cable box up. See I found out that with HDTV and Blu Ray players they no longer operate on coaxial cables. So I had to pick up a new cable box that has DVR capabilities along with heavy duty component cables.
I got that working finally, got the DVD player working, and all is good now with our entertainment center downstairs. Now we just have to look forward to February when all analog tvs become no good. That means our two tvs upstairs will no longer be too useful.
Oh and also the toilet upstairs in our bathroom is now running non stop. I told Edward recently that it's time to take off my "CABLE GIRL" hat and put on my "PLUMBER GIRL" hat. LOL

Jeez, has it been a long time or what?

2008-11-15T01:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah, definitely!

So much has been going on that I have scarcely had the time to write in here!
Of course, got me my new employee. She started late October. Then Mom, (thank heavens) left. Next, uh SH*T, what was next? Oh yeah, the craziness of training a new person in the middle of a siege. MAJOR YUCKOS! Oh and as an extra bonus Edward's truck died during the first week of Mom's visit. (did I already mention that?)
So it's been a crazy few weeks.

Thankfully, almost 2 months down, 10 months to go. Hallajalah.

S much has happened that I don't know where to start. As a matter of fact since it is so late right now I probably won't start as I will never get finished until tomorrow am sometime.

so that said, ta ta everyone.

One big rant

2008-10-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

The past week Mom has been here. This time her visit seems so much worse than in the past. Maybe it’s just because this time Nick is older, or maybe it’s just because I’m so much busier now than ever before, or who knows. Maybe it is because Edward is gone. I don’t know, but let me just say, I’m sooo ready for Saturday when she leaves to go back home.
Yes, I admit, she has helped me out around the house. She’s gotten some things done that there would’ve been no way for me to get to. Cleaning the fridge and freezer, dusting, cleaning the walls, light switches, the banister up the stairs. And yet when I’m home it’s a non stop, come on let’s go here, let’s clean this, let’s do that. Now a days I simply work too hard at work to be having to deal with this in the evenings and the weekends. I feel like before she came I was in the movie Ben Hur and my life was going at “ramming speed” now I don’t even know what speed I’m going at simply because it’s going too fast for me to figure it out.
Mom likes to think she’s helping, and some of the time she is, but most of the time it’s “hun, you need to do this, you need to do that, can you do this? How do you do that? Can you fix this?” That and also it’s non stop “I hate your vacuum, I’m going to buy you a new lighter BETTER vacuum” and “I hate your toaster oven” and “You have too much stuff/clothes/dishes/etc”
I almost at one point yesterday turned back and said “Okay Mom, just to make you happy I will throw out each and every pot and pan so then I will have none. Happy now?”
There is sometimes no pleasing my Mom. I feel sorry for my Dad all these years. All these years he’s tried to buy her gifts but now a days he has just stopped trying (somewhat anyways. He tries every so often). He always ended up buying her a gift which she then would say “This is too big, this is too small, this is the wrong color for me, this fits poorly, this is ugly, this doesn’t work, this doesn’t work for me, etc, etc, etc.
I can understand why he wants to go golfing so often. He wants to escape her non stop chattering about this and that.
Not only that.
This one really bugs me. I will be typing something. Maybe a letter to Edward, an entry in Nick’s blog, an instant message to a friend on Yahoo when suddenly she will start in on this “really great story” or “this really important thing that has to be told right now!”. Now I try to give some attention but lately I’ll tell her “uhh, just a minute Mom, I’m just finishing this up and then I’ll check that out” at which point she continues on and on and on. If anyone has tried to talk to you when you’re writing an email, writing a blog, talking to a friend, you’ll know that this is a big distraction that ends up making you take longer to finish that thing you’re trying to finish.
So instead of leaving me in peace for about 10 minutes, she tries to tell me about what happened on Army Wives or Desperate Housewives recently. Then she asks over and over “Honey, aren’t you done yet. We have to go to the “fill in the blank”. No MOM I AM NOT DONE YET! IF YOU HADN’T KEPT DRONING ON ABOUT WHAT SOME STUPID FAKE WOMEN ARE DOING ON TV I WOULD BE DONE NOW!”
Sigh.
My Mom is a big coupon fanatic. She loves coupons. Can’t shop without them. Not that that is a bad thing, but when it’s gets to the point where you have to go to 3 different stores to find that one item that you have a coupon for, well that’s a bit too much for me. I don’t have enough time for that junk.
Recently we were at Fred Meyers, I purchased some paint and a stencil kit for Nick’s stool and there were some store coupons for 20% off. I waited for the cashier to ring up my purchases and Mom starts barking over my shoulder like a Chihuahua “Honey, don’t forget your coupons” which I said “yes, Mom, I know. I’m just waiting for the cashier to finish up”. Halfway through the cashier ringing up my purchases she again tries to remind me “Tam, don’t forget your coupons, you know those right there in your hand, give them to her!” I turned to her and said, hold on. Let the cashier first ring up my purchases and THEN I will give her the coupons.
Finally Mom getting really anxious that “OH MY GOD! WE’RE NOT GOING TO SAVE $1.50” says anxiously “give her your coupons honey!” I turned to Mom and told her sternly “Mom, wait. Just be patient. NOW. If you’re patient I’ll give her the coupons!!!” Mom seemed rather taken aback that I spoke to her as sternly as I did.

Recently I interviewed a MerryMaids representative about cleaning my house ever few weeks or so. In the end it turned out that it was 151 per week, 198 for every two weeks, 250 (or thereabouts) every month. I did expect a little more expensive because, after all, this is Alaska. Not some more urban place like, uh, well like NYC.
As soon as the rep from MerryMaids left Mom goes on and on about how expensive that is, and there is no way I should do it because it’s just too expensive.
That left me turning around and saying “well, Mom, then all those nice deep cleaning things will never (or rarely every) get done. I do NOT have the time. That’s IT. I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME. I leave the house at 7a, I don’t return until almost 6pm. All the time I am at home I am at home with a toddler that has become a bit more clingy because his Daddy is deployed. Therefore, I can’t get as much done. Also I am a one person office currently with enough work for 2 ½ people. I come home exhausted each night.
HOW EXACTLY DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET ALL THIS DONE? I AM NOT FREAKING MARY POPPINS WHO CAN SNAP HER FINGERS, NOW AM I?
Another sigh.
Next rant, (My God, how many more are there?) Atkins people out there, don’t shoot me. Please. Maybe I should start this rant more creatively. I’m thinking Dr. Seuss right now.
Meat.
Lots and lots of meat.
Lots of meat on my plate.
Lots of meat on my son’s and my plate.
We don’t want to eat the meat.
Eat your meat, eat your meat.
Yuck, yuck. Lots and lots of meat.
Where’s my veggies?
Where’s my fruits?
Where’s my beans, tofu, and non fried foods.
They’re hiding now in the fridge
Why are they hiding in the fridge?
I do not know, go ask your Grandma.

Well that’s the best short little thing I can write right now. It’s not the best in the world but I felt like doing something nutty.
I cannot stand eating this much meat. Steak, pork butt, pork loins, beef fajitas, chicken. Uggh.
Actually I like meat, but eating this much just pushes me overboard. Plus Mom goes after Nick non stop. Nick eat your meat, Nick eat your meat, Nick eat your meat, etc, etc, etc.
Poor Nick. I know he’s getting annoyed too. (I’ll talk about that more in his blog)
Mom is a Atkins fanatic. She loves Atkins. Edward and I feel it’s because Atkins allows certain types of alcohol and there is no way that Mom would follow a diet that didn’t allow alcohol in it.
What makes me laugh is she points out other woman who are OLDER than her and says “Wow, they are really in shape! And they’re older than me?! I wonder what their secret is” I always want to respond “Well uh Mom, maybe they’re not drinking alcohol all the time and maybe they’re working out and maybe they’re not eating meat all the time and maybe they’re eating more vegetables, fruits and whole grains all the time. Ya think?”
Nahhhh. Not possible!

Next rant. Poor Nick. I’ll have to post some of this in Nick’s blog. I’ve noticed that Nick is getting more and more irritated by Mom as well. Let’s just leave it at that. I’ll elaborate in Nick’s blog.

Tomorrow, my new person starts. Please Lord, let this person work out well. Give me one little break, please. I need one, seriously.
Oh that reminds me. I gotta call all those other (not that there are many of them) maid services and see if I can’t find out how much they are. I don’t think I want to go with a tiny service though. That makes me ultra nervous. I want some company who is trustworthy. I don’t want to come home and find that some of my jewelry is missing, or some other valuable has been stolen. But of course I guess I could look at it through Mom’s eyes. Well heck, if it’s cheaper isn’t that worth it?

Yeah baby!

2008-10-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

Thank God! This week is over! It's done. Or at least most of the way. I did accomplish a lot.
But first before I go on about what I accomplished I'm going to cover the things that were broken.

First my nails. 3 of them. Here I just got them done and then they broke. I have yet to get them fixed. I have an appointment tomorrow.
Next, the heater. Saturday, the day Mom arrived, the heater broke. But in reverse. Instead of providing heat it went overboard and created too much heat. Mom and I have been dying lately as the house has been averaging about 76 degrees or so. I called our heating service company and they came out today and fixed the darn thing. The garage heater is still broken though.
Next item, Edward's truck. I went outside early Monday morning to take Nick to school and and found that Edward's truck had died. It turns out that it was the alternator. I had to order a tow truck on Tuesday evening. The darn thing was finally fixed this evening. $270 out the window.
Then I discovered today that my supervisor never put the termination paperwork in for the other two employees at work. That and he never put in the new request for the new hire. So I requested that I do it instead. I have yet to see if that did anything today. I'll have to check my email soon.

And lastly. Nick's surgery. I don't count this in the "this is broken so I must fix it" category but it was still stressful. Actually it was the most stressful event this week.

1 month gone 11 to go

2008-10-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

This week marks the first full month. Now we move on to the next month.

So far this past month has flown for me, thankfully. It's a blur.

I'm hoping the rest of this deployment goes just as smoothly but I know that that is foolish to hope for. I know there will be times that will drag like crazy. Time always seems to go slow when you really want it to speed up and time always seems to speed up when you want it to drag. That seems to be a fact of life, unfortunately.

Too bad life wasn't like a DVD or VCR player. You could just use the remote and fast forward. But wait, that brings me to another thought. The movie with Adam Sandler in, "Click".

He wants to fast forward to his time when he makes a promotion. But in doing so, he manages to fast forward all the way through his life and finds that now his children are grown and are getting married, his wife is now remarried and there is nothing left to his life as he's fast forwarded all the way through to his death.

So instead I have to march from day to day while noting neat or funny or sad or curious things here about myself and about Nick. Mostly about Nick. I remember when I was a child that it seemed as if I would never grow up and then next thing I know, I was celebrating my 18th birthday and realizing that the time we have is very limited. It's best to use it absolutely and completely. Live each day like it's your last, for you never know if it is.

Okay, so off the philosophical discussion.

First thing, Friday turned out good in the morning and then rapidly went downhill. I managed to negotiate the salary for my new hire, and then I will be offering the position to the applicant. Hopefully she'll start soon. Actually I know she most likely will but I will not say anything further as that would point out right away who I've selected.
Then though the day went downhill. I broke my nail on my right forefinger, then soon after broke the window, then broke my nail on my right thumb. Next I broke my nail on my left thumb.
Saturday wasn't too bad. Just full of lots and lots and lots of cleaning. Let's just say, I was exhausted. That probably contributed to the issue today. I caught a cold and it seems like it's getting a grip into me, unfortunately. Yuck! And even worse luck is that Mom is here and she always runs me around like crazy, regardless of how I feel. Last time my Mom & Dad visited I also caught a cold and it took my Dad yelling at my Mom to leave me alone because I was sick.
Joy, starting a week with a cold is never fun. Starting a week with a cold in a one person office with enough work for 2 1/2 people is even less fun. That's okay, soon things will change for the better.

Just a quick thank you

2008-10-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

I just want to say, Thank you God, whoever, whatever, for giving me this gift today. I needed it. If you're curious as to what the gift is, you'd have to read Nick's blog. I just want to say. Thanks. Thank you for the calm evening, the extra patience I seemed to have even though today was a horribly busy, frenetic, chaotic day. Thank you for the time that Nick and I seemed to have today. But really, thank you for the gift. I needed something good in my life to happen. I needed something wonderful to happen to make everything else, all the stupid junk, just disappear. I feel as if your hand was helping me out tonight.
Thanks.

It's time to stop mourning

2008-10-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's so frustrating. I find in the morning I'm full of energy, raring to go, feeling positive, etc. But by the evenings I'm just pooped, pessimistic, and not looking forward to changing yet another poopy diaper. (read more on Nick's blog for this rant!).
The sink is full of dirty dishes, I'm waiting for the dishwasher to finish the drying cycle so I can start to download it, and I'm sitting here feeling uncomfortable because of a stupid UTI that I have no idea how I caught. I have lifted weights this morning, I did my crunches this evening after dinner, I drank my tea like a good girl, rather than resorting to wine. Did the tea help? No. But I don't think wine would be a good idea when I have a UTI. Plus it'll only numb the feeling for a short period of time and then I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling miserable. So I'm passing on the wine.
I was trying to talk myself out of this funk that I'm in on the way to pick up Nick. I reminded myself that it's almost Wednesday! Forget the fact that the entire transportation office will be off on Friday however I will be stuck at work! I will have off on Monday. That will have to be good enough. I'm still rather annoyed at the transportation officers as when they are gone there will be no one to authorize a ticket. Still I'll sit there, twiddle my thumbs with a nice big smile on my face.
And I'll pleasantly tell the soldier who comes in to schedule his emergency leave that unfortunately, while I'm here to make their reservation there is no staff to authorize it.

So I got that rant out, but I still got loads others. The good news is I have just downloaded loads and loads of podcasts and one extra video to my IPOD so that'll give me something to do while I'm bored senseless.
Next rant , Nick. I've been so frustrated, angry with him lately. First the pooping issue, the making numerous messes issue, the not eating issue. Maybe it's just because I'm stressed out about work, I'm stressed out because I've got about of weeks worth of work to be done in the house with no time to get it done, and it seems like everyday something else falls apart and needs to be fixed. Today I actually found myself hoping for something bad to really happen just so I could take a break. It was only a fleeting thought, but still I just for a moment fervently wished that something really bad could happen so I could stay at home for just a few days to recoup, recover, etc.
Hey I'm tough but when you're issuing about 40 tickets a day, making approximately 30 reservations a day, working in an office that should have at least two people there, having to drop off your child at daycare, pick your child up in the evening, make dinner, clean up the house, etc, etc, etc, etc. You get tired. I just wish I could have just maybe a quickie break. You know? Just a small one. One that would allow me to take a breath so that I can start again with increased endurance.
By the way, just let me say, GOD I HATE Urinary Tract infections!!! I just hate them with a passion. Am I going to go to the hospital? Of course not. I don't have anyone I can rely on.
Normally if there was one other person in the office then I would run to the ER for a moment but now, there's no way.
At one time I thought I had people in my office to rely on but one turned into a back stabbing, crazy person and then other just totally bought into the crap that the back stabber was feeding her.
Well damn. Time for Nick's bath. Kitchen is a disaster. I think the dishwasher is done too. And I have to run to the bathroom yet again.

Several things that bother me about this deployment

2008-10-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

Some are idiotic, and some well, some are just coming from being a parent of a child whose father is deployed and also being a child of a parent who was once deployed.
I worry everyday about Nick. Sometimes not that much at all, and other times like crazy.
I watch videos of soldiers/sailors/marines coming home to their children after 7/10/12/16 months and am almost devastated by those. Yes, the fact that Nick will be doing that most likely within 11 months stays in my mind but more than ever now memories are emerging about ME welcoming MY Dad back home. Memories that I didn't know I had. All I know was I was always extremely excited, extremely happy, and extremely scared that my Daddy would go away again. That worries me.
I don't want Nick to grow up with memories (repressed or otherwise) like that. I don't want Nick not knowing his Dad for about 7 years. Not knowing his Dad until he was a teenager. My God, I'm so afraid.
Please let this God forsaken war end. Please let Edward come home. Please let him come home to family and friends. Please.

My ever growing list

2008-10-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

It never ends! Never! The list of things to be done in the house never seems to shorten or to end!
I'm thinking the best way to go about getting some of these things done is to simply list them on a sheet of paper, or maybe even here so that it won't look quite as bad as what I think it is.
In my mind the amount of things that I need to do at home would take at least a weeks worth of work. So let me list it all out and see how it looks.

Put up towel rack in Nick's bathroom
Vacuum upstairs
Clean my bathroom
Dust
Turn in used items to Value Village (those items that I'm not intending to sell anyways)
Go visit with Jaime and Sierra
File
Clean out my jeep
Iron
Add one account to Microsoft Money
Check up on all our accounts
finish laundry
wash my sheets and blankets
Start on the quinoa for tomorrow. I'm supposed to use Bulgar but I don't have enough. So quinoa will have to work in the salad.
Play with Nick in the snow
Harvest more coriander off the cilantro plant
sweep
wash all the floors.

I think that is it. Yup, loads and loads to do. Oh well. I might as well get my butt moving and do it. I'm done with lunch, dinner for tonight is started (Braised beef tongue), laundry is almost ready to be folded. So let me go ahead and get moving then.
Oh by the way, before I do, I just want to say it's snowing again!!! Yipeee!

Something to giggle over

2008-10-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads my weekly meal plan, especially when Edward is home, knows that we try a bit more exotic foods than the normal, average Joe.
Some are pretty tame but others are really unusual, at least to a normal US household. We have told Edward's parents about some of our meals that we have had and I can tell you that some of them Edward's Mom wasn't too thrilled about (except for that tortellini, asparagus and chicken bake with Alfredo sauce covering it all, that she just ate right up! Amazing with her being a diabetic too!!!)
But anyways so imagine my shock and then amusement when she tells me today that Edward's Dad has recently bought cow tongue and now she wants to know how does she cook it. I could tell she was rather disgusted by this and yet her husband went out, purchased it without talking to her first and now she's stumped on how to prepare this more unusual cut of meat.

I can tell you I was giggling like crazy when she asked me (internally but still giggling). Now I say unusual because many US households never, ever have prepared this cut of meat. Both of my parents grew up on it because they were baby boomers and beef tongue was cheap (not now a days!!!). My Dad said he loved beef tongue sandwiches (this coming from a man who worked as a teenager in a German sausage shop and loved to eat the sauerkraut straight out of the barrels and loves blood sausage. I do too by the way!!! By the way, my Dad's roots are from
Romania, not Germany. I'm a 2Nd generation American on my Dad's side and 1st generation on my Mom's)
Mom is not too thrilled about beef tongue, actually that is an understatement, she has more or less said "she hates it". I don't know if this is just because my Mom, like Edward's Mom has less of an adventurous spirit or if it is just because maybe my Mom sees eating beef tongue as something that only those with no money tend to do. (but if she took another look at the price per lb of beef tongue she'd be in for a nasty suprise!).
Honestly, I have no problem with almost any part of the animal. Like I've told Edward in the past, we routinely buy Boston Pork Butt so what the hell is wrong with eating the tongue? For that matter what is wrong with eating almost any part of an animal? Its all just food? Right? Waste not, want not? What ever happened to using all parts of an animal to reduce waste? As it stands I've noticed that more often than not soup bones even are just as expensive as a normal cut of beef at our commissary!
Maybe it's just because of my upbringing that I am this way or something more but I've learned that unless you try it first and then find it absolutely foul tasting it's not a good idea to judge it before hand. This item may sound like the grossest thing you've ever heard of but I can bet ya $100 that some other country thinks of that item just like caviar.
I know I'm rambling, (I tend to do that if I've had a bit to drink, which I have tonight as today, Saturday, was a truly depressing and hard day. I'm surprised it was and yet not surprised at all as I was working non stop with almost no breaks all day long.)
So I said today was a hard day. It was, totally. Almost no breaks at all. The most relaxing break I had all day long was about 45 minutes when Nick and I put together the puzzle I've been working on(I finished it by the way)
Otherwise I haven't had much. I managed to finally get the curtains sewn up, the laundry halfway finished, the grocery shopping done, the drain upstairs unclogged, Edward's truck cleaned on the outside and I managed a quickie clean up on the inside. I got the humidifier all set up and working, and I even managed to do a quickie wipe down on all the tables in the living room and dining room. whew! Am I pooped

Mind is frazzled!

2008-10-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been a while since I wrote. Things have been extremely hectic, busy, chaotic, etc. This was my first week with no second person in the office. Lisa came out and helped on Friday but otherwise it’s just been me. Then to top all that off, the company restricted my access to my blog so now I’m reduced to emailing myself while at work so then I can post when I get home. I don’t usually write at home much because then I have so many demands on my time that I have no spare time to just sit and think. As it stands, I’m not really thinking much about home or personal life simply because the transportation supervisor, Dave, came into the office with one heck of a challenge. So now my mind is reeling as I try to figure out that big puzzle.
Jeez, I don’t know how I’m going to do it!! I felt like asking him “Uhh, okay sir, well which would you prefer me to do? Help customers or figure out how to doctor your numbers so they look more appealing?”

So anyways, let me concentrate on home life for a bit(it’s difficult right now but I’ll try). This weekend I really have to clean the bathrooms, (They’re disgusting!), do some grocery shopping, and then all the normal stuff. (cleaning the floors, vacuuming, doing laundry)
I do want to see if Nick and I can play with Jaime and Sierra out in the snow if they’re available. Plus I have to talk to Jaime about being my emergency contact for Nick. Especially for Nick’s school. They need an additional person, especially since Edward is now deployed.
We got our first significant snow! Nick was very excited this morning as we walked into his school. You know, I think I’m going to cut this short. I just can not concentrate enough to actually write, much less think. My mind is in travel world right now.

Yea! It's snowing!

2008-09-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

I always feel that little, childish thrill when I see some of the first snow of the season. Yeah, sure I get tired of it by February but still there is always that excitement at the beginning of the season.
I can't wait to pick up Nick today so we can talk about the snow as we're driving home. It's even more exciting seeing every day things like snow through a childs eyes.
Thankfully, this afternoon has been a little more peaceful at work. Not like yesterday. Yesterday was a hellish day!
It's only Tuesday and I've managed to make 72 reservations. Normally, on a normal week, we make approximately 80 reservations by Friday. Let's just say, I'M ON FIRE! Not literally of course, but if the higher ups needed any other further proof that this is IN FACT a 2 person office they would have it right there.
As it stands I've been issuing enough tickets every day so far to accomodate two employees in this office.
Let me just say by the way that every so often I sit here and think "Oh thank you problem person for causing so much more stress for me and my family. Thank you for causing such an upheaval, thank you for getting people demoted, thank you for about 8 months of hell. You're timing was impeccable, who are you working for? Satan?"
Okay, so I got that out.
Thankfully I have some really wonderful customers who are helping out tons, and from time to time give me a shoulder to lean on, a friendly face to turn to. Good friends are a blessing.....truly.

Well, I have to cut this short. It's almost closing time and if I don't run to the bathroom before I leave to go pick up Nick I'll burst. That would be messy and I would prefer to avoid messes of urine to clean up (I get that enough with Nick) so.......

Headache gone~Things accomplished

2008-09-27T17:44:00.001-07:00

We did manage to get the decorations up! And the headache is gone thanks to a weird mixture of things. Excedrin Migraine, a cup of expresso and then (I treated myself) a glass of Grand Marnier. This either tells me it was a tension headache or a tension/sinus headache. It's still way in the background but otherwise, it's not bad now.

So by the way, without further ado here are the decorations.
The spiders were Nick's. I let him pick out two different Halloween decor items. One was the spiders and the other was the pumpkin that we have in our spare bedroom.
I also managed to cut back a lot of the plants in the back yard. The peony and the daylillies. I don't have any mulch though so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Plus I have to go to Fred Meyers one more time and pick up one more pumpkin for the spare bedroom window and also pick up an exterior timer for the spiders. I don't like having to plug/unplug things outside each night. It's too tedious, especially when I'm always running short on time.
Oh, I have noticed we have several new peppers on our aerogarden grower. Also I noticed I had an infestation of aphids on my pepper plant that I brought from outdoors.
The euclyptus doesn't look too happy. Only thing I can think of is either
A) Nick keeps hitting it over and over and it's getting stressed out
B) It's not getting enough light.

........................Later.....................................
I have discovered that I have also successfully set up the printer to the laptop!!!! WOOHOO!
Also I uploaded the video of Nick and I working with the pumpkins and I'm in the process of listing the Gattaca cd that I bought on Amazon. Usually I just like buying these CD's, loading them onto my IPOD and then I just sell it right back. Usually I buy them for pretty cheap and then sell them back pretty cheap. In the end, it turns out cheaper than buying whatever songs I want from Itunes. I do not believe in downloading them for free as this is cheating the artist out of their much deserved income. In my opinion, downloading music for free, movies for free, or copying movies is much like going to a grocery store, reading an entire magazine while waiting to check out and then putting it back. You've just stolen something.

I also just have to place this rant, recently I sent an email to family and friends giving them all the addresses for Edward. Email, snail mail, etc.
Edward's older brother later sent me an email just saying "Stay Strong" and then signed it.
This really irked me. What does he know about staying "ARMY" strong? Has his wife ever deployed to a dangerous location? Did he ever have to worry for a full year that he'd get a knock at the door? Did he ever go without his wife for a full year, or even for 16 months?
I THINK NOT! If he had just emailed me saying "Tammy, we're thinking positive and praying for you guys" that would have been acceptable, but to say "Stay Strong"?
It just irked me.
I'm sure this is just like when someone comes up to you when you have just lost your loved one and says "I know just how you must feel" even though it has never happened to that person.
I have a close friend that I have written about before whose husband was killed in action in Iraq. I would never, EVER presume to even say something like that to her. I put my brother in laws remark along those lines.
Well I have to finish this! I'm making a simple din din tonight. I'm using up the pizza and breadsticks, oops cheesesticks, for dinner tonight but I still have to finish harvesting the coriander before it snows.
Good news is all I have left to do for tomorrow is ironing, a small shopping, washing the floors, vacuuming and preparing the meals for this next upcoming week. Whew!

Terrible headache

2008-09-27T14:56:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up feeling okay but now I've got a horrible headache that seems centered right around my right sinus. That's been the troublesome side as that was the side that I had the sinus infection on.
I'm hoping the infection is not coming back!
Today I did mange in spite of the headache to get the grocery shopping done. Nick and I picked up some nice Halloween decorations and my goal is to get them up by today as well as cut back the peony and the daylillies for the winter. Unfortunately I don't have any mulch. I'll have to get some tomorrow at the greenhouse as Fred Meyers didn't have any today.
Tomorrow I plan to hem the curtains up in the spare bedroom. It's almost time to turn on the heat and that's a fire hazard with those curtains sitting right next to the heater.
Thankfully I've gotten all my laundry more or less done so all I have left to do is the normal every day (or should I say every weekend) household chores to do.
Next weekend will be more of the same but then the weekend after that Mom will be here. Thankfully she arrives in the afternoon so that will give me plenty of time to clean, clean, clean.
For now I'm taking a break, waiting to see if Edward will come online on Yahoo and playing Spore. Well not actually playing as it's downloading updates that are taking a freaking long time.
Tonight we're expecting snow by the way.

Another emotional day

2008-09-26T15:04:00.000-07:00

This morning started out well enough. I got up a little later since Nick had a fever last night and I wasn't going in to work at the normal time so I got to relax a bit, lift some weights, read a book while giving myself a facial. Then I took a shower, got myself ready, cleaned up somewhat, collected the laundry, then got Nick up and we went downstairs. His appointment with the new ENT specialist was at 9:30 am so it gave me plenty of time to start some laundry, cook breakfast, eat breakfast, check emails, clean up, etc. It was WONDERFUL!
Then we headed out for Bassett for Nick's appointment. The doctor was pretty nice, of course, not Dr. Recupero but still nice. Of course though I grew to like Dr. Recupero. He was so attentive and a nice caring doctor which is hard to come by in the military.
I was really sad when I processed Dr. Recupero's pcs travel. It always seems like once you find a good doctor they leave. Why is that?
Well anyways, we met with the new doctor and he took a look at Nick's ears, nose and throat and then announced that if Nick was getting the reaccurent ear infections and colds like he is he really needs to get his adenoids removed and since his ear tubes are all plugged up it's time to get those changed as well. So I scheduled reluctantly, yet again, another surgery for my son.
Then I ran Nick to school, all the while telling my parents on the phone (I had my bluetooth on so I was safe!) all about the scheduled surgery. Dropped Nick off (he was super clingy), then talked to the Open Arms front desk staff about a job opening possibly for my neighbor who is unemployed, then ran back to work.
There, things weren't too, too bad. I had a lot of emails to respond to, a lot of reports to run but otherwise it wasn't that bad.
I did have to switch out the Sabre printers as we received brand new "refurbished" printers. Thankfully we got them today and not on Monday. If we had received them on Monday I can only imagine how difficult it would have been for me to switch them all by myself.
Now I just have to ship them back out to Sabre.
But I get off topic of todays post. Emotional days.
It all wasn't so bad until I spoke with Edward on the phone during lunch. Thankfully Sarah had left for lunch so as I was telling him about Nick's upcoming surgery suddenly the thought that Nick won't just have a mask on his face, he'll actually be intubated. The thought that my little boy will have something done to him that was also done to me kills me. The thought that a tube will be pushed down his throat to help him breath and keep him under scared me more than anything.
Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty tough when it comes to hospital procedures/surgeries and all but to think of ones own son or daughter having to go through that is not a pleasant one. I know how I felt when I woke up after my orthoscopic surgery and fulkerson osteotomoy and I had general anesthetic because my iv sedation and spinal didn't work. I did not feel good at all.
So I broke down while talking to Edward on the phone. I HATE doing that. Especially when he is deployed. I try my best be like the rock of Gibraltar when he's gone, you know be tough, don't break down on the phone. But that image just kept playing in my mind as I was talking to him.
So I started to cry, knowing that this time it was going to be just me and Nick. My Mom will be there on the sidelines but it'll just be me and Nick.
Edward kept assuring me that Nick will be fine, Nick is a trooper, Nick will be fine. I know that he does that just because what else can he say? He can't do anything from Kuwait OR Iraq.
I just got to remind myself to (in Walt Disney's words) "Keep Moving Forward"
Keep your head down, you have a heavy load to bear, even heavier now that you're a Mom, just keep marching, just keep marching. Sooner or later you will see the end. In the end just keep going because if you don't you'll never reach the finish line.

Emotional day

2008-09-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

Today started out good. I was feeling positive (still am actually) but then I drove into the parking lot of my work. Some soldiers were saying goodbye to their families. I was talking to my Mom on my cell phone while driving in and I told her about it. I wonder if she caught that my voice kind of broke somewhat. That and I changed the subject rather rapidly.
So I watched the families and soldiers somewhat discreetly from my window, I watched as the families returned to their cars and the soldiers boarded the buses that would take them to their scheduled flight, all the way thinking to myself "see you guys, take care. Please come back whole and alive". I did end up saying out loud to an empty office "See you next year guys".
Then, throughout the morning it kept coming up. The fact that Edward is deployed. That he will be gone for a year.
The thing that actually made me the most emotional though was customers who know me well, who have worked with me for a year, giving me their home numbers, their cell phone numbers, their work numbers and then telling me if I ever need anything, give them a call.
I'm not used to such an outpouring of offers of assistance. It was weird, to the extreme.
I'm used to entering a deployment thinking "I am utterly and completely on my own. I do not have anyone to help me if I should stumble and fall, if I lock myself out of my car, if I fall down the steps and dislocate my shoulder, etc. I do not have anyone". I'm used to thinking that way.
So to think that "Wow! I can call this person or that person for help" feels foreign.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the offers of assistance, I just don't know what to do with them.
Right now it does feel as if time is creeping. I know it'll speed up. Probably when Nick and I get into our full daily routine. We're still both sorting things out for ourselves. He's getting used to not having Daddy around, I'm getting used to having to do it all by myself and yet at the same time I'm getting used to the extra time I have now.
Not that I've had tons. Each night since Monday I've gone to bed at 830pm. I'm asleep shortly after my head hits the pillow. My Mom recently said my body must be trying to tell me something. I think it is.
My body and mind is healing. I'm recovering. Soon I'll be back up to 110% and then nothing short of food poisoning from oyster stew will be able to get me down.
(that reminds me, stay away from osyter stew!)

Today I'm leaving early from work. I'm going to go give blood at Nick's school. Their having a red cross blood drive. Thankfully I'm having Thai Beef Salad tonight for dinner to help replace some of those red blood cells.
Tomorrow I have interviews to conduct in the afternoon. Friday, uh, what's happening Friday again!? Oh yeah, Nick's doctor appointment, that's right.
I'm so busy and yet why does it seem like time is standing still?
This weekend Nick and I are going to hang out with Jamie and Sierra, our next door neighbors. I know Sierra will be like a big sister to Nick. It'll do him good to be friends with an older child. Jamie raises her little girl much like I raise Nick. Firm but with love. She doesn't let her get away with too much so I'm totally okay with Nick hanging around Sierra.